The Sun Project
by pianobuggy
Summary: Hey everyone! Chapter 14 is up early! R&R please
1. The Fun Begins

~*~*~*~*~ The Sun Project ~*~*~*~*~  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Golden Sun, Mario, Harry Potter, Zelda, or anything else, really.  
  
Chapter 1: The Fun Begins. . .  
  
{We find ourselves in Kirksville, Missouri, where video game characters can live in peace and tranquility, undisturbed by the general populace (We thank J.K. Rowling for setting up the charm that dispels normal people from taverns and strange and pointless sports. . . no we are NOT talking about cricket. . . around the town for us). But one small portion of the town is in disarray, and our force field was temporarily dispelled so that a talented, bright, beautiful. . .  
  
Navi: Pianobuggy. . . . . .  
  
. . .Ahem, talented and well-loved authoress could come into town and solve the problem. The GS crew is stationed around a table in the cafeteria at the local college (go Truman) and conversing as they normally do. . .}  
  
Mia: (angry) You want to say that so all of us can hear, Jenna?  
  
Jenna: (turns from whispering in Isaac's ear) what is between Isaac and me is none of your business. . . so get your muddy little nose out of Isaac's. . .  
  
Felix: (clapping his hand over her mouth) Jenna! Now be quiet and eat your peas. . . you'll ruin our PG rating we got going here. . .  
  
Garet: (with food in his mouth) and besides. . . I don't think Isaac likes you two fighting all the time. . . Wow, this is a good burger!  
  
Isaac: (Edging his chair away sqeaukily) Yes, ladies. . . lets not argue over little ol' me. . .  
  
Ivan: (Watching Garet) Y'know, Garet, it's okay that you're out-eating the population of Kirksville. . . it's small enough. . . but you really need to slow down before you put the U.S. government into further debt than it already is. . .  
  
Isaac: Hey! Quit picking on Garet. . . He needs more food than shrimps like you.  
  
Garet: (looking up suddenly) Shrimp? Where?  
  
Ivan: (Sparking) You're messing with a Jupiter adept, buddy. . .  
  
Isaac: (topples Ivan out of the chair with his pointer finger) Yeah? What'cha gonna do about it?  
  
Ivan: This. (Attempts to cast *Spark Plasma*, but is immediately singed and frozen simultaneously by various attacks from Mia and Jenna. Isaac looks in awe at the two, who, after several minutes of casting psynergy spells, are thoroughly exhausted and panting heavily.)  
  
Isaac: Are you done yet?  
  
Mia: I think so. . .  
  
Jenna: (nods. . . still breathing heavily)  
  
Piers: o_O  
  
Kraden: I think. . .  
  
Isaac: Shut up, Kraden.  
  
Kraden: okay.  
  
Sheba: (walks in with a tray of chicken nuggets) Hey y'all. . . What's up? (sees Ivan, charred and blackened while preserved in a large block of ice. She drops the tray and runs to Ivan. . .) Ivan! Ivan. . . Speak to me Ivan! (turns on the rest. . . eyes narrow, sparking) What have you done with Ivan?! (hair stands on end. . . she notices and flattens it, then turns on Jenna and Mia, who are whistling) YOU!!! (A large flash of light indicates Sheba's most powerful yet *Spark Plasma* the smoke clears and the assembly of the room, Mario, Ganondorf, Kirby, Tael, and Fox among them, are all staring in contempt and making rude gestures at the GS crew. . . Instead of Jenna and Mia being all singed up, Saturos and Menardi lay toasted on the floor)  
  
Alex: Sheba!  
  
Sheba: (blushing) sorry. . .  
  
(Alex casts ply on Saturos and Menardi and they both get up)  
  
Menardi: (eyes flaming) That's it, they're going to die this time (takes out scythe and starts for Sheba. Saturos grabs her arm and holds her back, staring at Sheba)  
  
Saturos: (whispering) Menardi. . . be patient. She'll pay in time. . . remember what we put in her medicine cabinet. . .  
  
Menardi: I don't care! My pride is shaken! People must die!  
  
Sheba: You were in my medicine cabinet?  
  
(Menardi shakes from Saturos's grasp and begins to cast *Supernova*)  
  
Felix: NOOOOOOOOOOO! (causes giant earthquake and all of Truman State topples over in a heap)  
  
Pianobuggy: (Appears and tiptoes through the rubble) Oh my....  
  
Navi: Ooooh. . . Y'all have done it now. . .  
  
Pianobuggy: (hyperventilating) Truman. . .  
  
(The GS crew stands transfixed with fear. . . for they know of the strange and manipulative author powers Pianobuggy possesses. . . Mwahahahaha)  
  
Pianobuggy: (exploding with anger) YOU! YOU! YOU!  
  
Navi: (hides behind a rock)  
  
Pianobuggy: THAT'S IT!!! I'VE HAD IT! THEY'VE HAD IT! (points to various Nintendo characters holding torches and pitchforks and nodding their heads) YOU'VE DESTROYED THE SCHOOL! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS IS GOING TO COST?!!!! THIS IS A STATE SCHOOL! THE GOVERNMENT HAS TO PAY FOR THIS! MORE TAXES! GAHHH!!!  
  
Ivan: (timidly) I suggested that Garet could stop eating...  
  
Pianobuggy: (breathing heavily after her rant) That's it... I'm sorry guys... but I have to teach you to get along... It's time for drastic measures...  
  
(The GS crew looks back and forth between Pianobuggy and the angry Nintendo mob, deciding which foe's wrath is worse...)  
  
Pianobuggy: I'm going to make you relive your adventures...  
  
GSCrew: ?_?  
  
Pianobuggy: ...as each other.  
  
(The GS Crew look at one another, and then rush the angry mob.)  
  
Pianobuggy: Oh no you don't! (Calls upon her mysterious author-powers and roots the GS crew to the ground) Now listen. You guys are going to do it my way, or I'll do worse...  
  
Isaac: (scared) w... w... worse?  
  
Pianobuggy: Yeah... you'll learn to live with each other... or I'll send Jenna to the mudshippers.  
  
Jenna: @_@  
  
Mia: (giggling)  
  
Pianobuggy: Oh I wouldn't laugh Mia... you'd go to the valeshippers.  
  
Mia: @_@  
  
Isaac: @_@ you'd take away.... Both my girls?  
  
Pianobuggy: I don't want to... but I will...  
  
Ivan: What about the rest of us who don't care about that goofed-up love triangle? Hmm?  
  
Pianobuggy: I'm glad you should ask, Ivan, because you would go straight to Midnight C's coined "rabid Piers fans".  
  
Sheba: NOOOOOO!  
  
Pianobuggy: And the fun doesn't stop there.... so are you willing to cooperate?  
  
(The company enthusiastically nods)  
  
Pianobuggy: Good... Navi, where art thou? I mean... are you? I need a clipboard and some paper... (looks around) and a calculator too!  
  
Navi: I'm here. (magically produces clipboard and resumes her position behind the rock)  
  
Pianobuggy: You call yourself a muse Navi? Muses are supposed to be pushy... not scared of the author...  
  
Navi: Well, I know you're doing a Zelda fanfic next....  
  
Pianobuggy: Oh... true...  
  
Garet: Umm... Pianobuggy?  
  
Pianobuggy: (sweetly) Yes Garet?  
  
Garet: Umm... can you let us move now? My legs hurt.  
  
Pianobuggy: No.  
  
Garet: Oh, okay.  
  
Pianobuggy: Okay let's see... Mia and Jenna have to... yes... and Saturos... uh huh... and Ivan... no I already have him playing... Crud! This is hard... but who's going to be Kraden... yes thaaat's a question... hmmm...  
  
(An hour later)  
  
Pianobuggy: Okay guys... I got it all figured out... Now I'll send you to Weyard, where you can't topple any more of my schools. (Snaps her fingers and scene blackens)  
  
* * * * * * * * *  
  
Navi: This should be interesting...  
  
Yes it will be. Just so y'all know... I am very neutral on pairings, and can be swayed either way... so for this fic I'm leaving it up to YOU! The reviewers! For the next few chapters whichever group sends me more reviews gets the pairings for this fic.  
  
Navi: Wait a sec... I just realized something...  
  
SHH! NAVI!..... don't spoil it for the readers! Until next time...  
  
Please Review! 


	2. Rude Awakenings

Disclaimer: I don't own Golden Sun or the Wizard of Oz. duh  
  
~*~*~*~*~Chapter 2~*~*~*~*~ "Rude Awakenings"  
  
Voice: Ivan! Ivan wake up!  
  
Ivan: No Master Hammett... I don't want to go to school today... mmm... soft pillow...  
  
Voice: Ivan you butthead! Get up this instant! The Vale boulder is about to fall... and do I sound like a Master Hammett to you?  
  
Ivan: (sitting up - eyes still closed) Vale boulder... Wha...? (Opens his eyes and sees Dora there... looks down to see himself in boxer shorts) AGHH! Isaac's mom! (pulls the covers up) go away! What are you doing in here?!  
  
Dora: Isaac? I don't know an Isaac... now hurry sweetheart this is very serious... and don't forget your tunic!  
  
Ivan: (mumbling while pulling on his tunic) yes... don't forget my tunic! I'm going to kill Pianobuggy... What did she do now?  
  
Pianobuggy's disembodied voice (PDV): I heard that.  
  
Ivan: o_O.  
  
PDV: Don't worry, little Ivan, I won't be supervising you ALL the time...  
  
Ivan: What's THAT supposed to mean?!  
  
PDV: You'll see... All in time, you'll see...  
  
Ivan: (shrugs) ...wait... Pianobuggy? You can't SEE us can you?  
  
PDV: Ivan... your mind is scary sometimes... If I'm disembodied... do you think I can see?  
  
Ivan: You can talk...  
  
PDV: Good point... I can't explain that... anyways, you might want to get moving... the boulder doesn't crush your house in the game... but I have mysterious author powers...  
  
Ivan: Two points... One, this ISN'T my house, and two, you're incredibly mean, you know that?  
  
Dora: Ivan! Have you got everything?  
  
Ivan: Yeah, yeah... (runs out the door... outside of the house it's raining. Kyle runs up to Dora and Ivan)  
  
Kyle: The elders can't hold the boulders much longer! Get Ivan to the Plaza!  
  
Ivan: The Plaza?  
  
Dora: Ivan, you can make it to the Plaza by yourself, right?  
  
Ivan: No I can't! I've never even BEEN to Vale! Let alone the Plaza!  
  
Dora: Just head south, ok? I'm going to help Kyle evacuate the villagers. (She runs off, leaving Ivan by himself)  
  
Ivan: Oh, great help... head south... ok... (he walks southward and begins down a set of stairs. A small rumbling is heard.) South to the Plaza... in the rain... this is NOT my day... (Suddenly a large boulder falls a foot in front of Ivan.) GAHH!!! (Ivan does the logical thing and jumps southward off the stairs and heads south towards the Plaza.)  
  
Isaac: Ivan! What the heck are you doing here in Vale?  
  
Ivan: (closes his eyes, mumbling) Oh great... dirt boy is here.  
  
Isaac: I prefer "Venus adept" your air-head.  
  
Ivan: Hey! No puns on the Jupiter thing! Jupiter can kick Venus's... (Suddenly two small fireballs fall from the heavens and smack Isaac and Ivan squarely in the butts. Of course the rain puts out the subsequent fires immediately, but the two boys are severely singed)  
  
PDV: You asked for it...  
  
Isaac: Hey! What's the deal?  
  
PDV: This whole mess started with y'all arguing, so you'd better behave or you'll end up with more than your pants... er... tunics on fire.  
  
Ivan: (horrified) you mean we actually have to get along?  
  
PDV: Well, not all the time, because that would bore the readers... but no major fights alright?  
  
Isaac: Whatever. (Turns to Ivan) So Ivan... What ARE you doing in Vale on a day like this?  
  
Ivan: Well, apparently I'm you... so who are you then?  
  
Isaac: What do you mean you're me?  
  
Ivan: Well I woke up in your bed and your boxer shorts, and your parents were thoroughly convinced their son's name was Ivan, so I'd assume that makes me you.  
  
Isaac: You mean Pianobuggy was serious?  
  
Ivan: I think so.  
  
Isaac: This is bad...  
  
Ivan: I know... I don't get to hang out in backstage for three years eating donuts...  
  
Isaac: No... it's not that...  
  
Ivan: What, then?  
  
Isaac: Well... if you're me, that would make me...  
  
Ivan: @_@ (Bursts into a fit of giggles)  
  
Isaac: Very funny Ivan.  
  
Ivan: (slaps his knee, collapses into Isaac laughing)  
  
Isaac: Ok Ivan... you've had your fun, now quit it.  
  
Ivan: (rolling on the wet ground)  
  
Isaac: IVAN! (tries to cast the most powerful psynergy spell he knows, and miserably fails) Wha...? What happened?  
  
Ivan: (Wiping a tear from his eye) You're... you're... HA HA! (resumes laughing again)  
  
Isaac: Why can't I toast Ivan?  
  
PDV: You're 14 years old... you don't have psynergy yet.  
  
Isaac: I what?!!  
  
PDV: That's right...  
  
Isaac: I'm 14 again?  
  
PDV: 'fraid so.  
  
Isaac: !&@#..... (looks around for something to take out his anger on... sees Ivan) Ivan! Get up! (kicks Ivan)  
  
Ivan: (getting up) I'm sorry... I'm good now... GARET!  
  
Isaac: Shut up!  
  
Ivan: Are you hungry Garet? Would you like a mud pie?!  
  
Isaac: I'm going to the plaza, Ivan... get squished by a boulder if you want. (heads south)  
  
Ivan: Wait for me! (Runs after him)  
  
(Suddenly, a large pile of Truman St. College Textbooks fall in front of Isaac and Ivan)  
  
Isaac: What's this?!  
  
PDV: You can't go that way.  
  
Isaac: And why not?  
  
PDV: Because you have to go to the river.  
  
Ivan: crap.  
  
PDV: And besides... I needed a place to put all these textbooks... since the SCHOOL obviously doesn't need them anymore! By the way... that's costing me a lot of money. I'm not going to be able to boss you around anymore, because I'll be wage-earning like a normal American...  
  
Isaac and Ivan: (dancing)  
  
PDV: I wouldn't celebrate yet! You think I'm going to leave you without a replacement?  
  
Isaac and Ivan: Who?  
  
PDV: You'll see...  
  
Isaac: Well... we might as well go back north.  
  
Ivan: I wonder who Jenna and Felix will be...  
  
Isaac: hmm...  
  
(After much walking in circles, Ivan and Isaac find themselves on a long set of stairs and reach the bottom)  
  
Voice: My Brother!  
  
(Isaac turns to the river to see Mia on the dock. Clinging to a branch that just happens to be in the middle of the river is...)  
  
PDV: Mwahahahahaha  
  
(...Young Link from Ocarina of Time!  
  
A/N: I needed to send SOMEONE to supervise for me, so I sent Navi and the only person who could possibly go with her... plus, unless you want Felix to be played by the Wise One (which is how the mix up would have turned out) I suggest you leave me alone)  
  
Dora: Dangit... All of my psynergy is gone!  
  
Kyle: Mine too from evacuating the villagers!  
  
Dora: (hits Kyle over the head) You dunderhead! Why would you need psynergy to get people out of their houses!  
  
Kyle: (blushing) Well... they wanted me to help carry all their stuff.  
  
Dora: Ooh... trust men to do anything right... I'm going for help. Mia... come with me. (They leave the dock. Dora sees Isaac and Ivan watching) Ivan! I thought you were supposed to be at the plaza! Oh never mind... take Mia there and find someone with psynergy left! Step on it!  
  
Mia: Isaac?  
  
Ivan: Garet actually...  
  
Isaac: Hush Ivan! (goes dreamy-eyed) Yes, Mia?  
  
Mia: Why am I in Vale?  
  
Isaac: Oh... well apparently you're Jenna. (A/N: Cool! Mud AND Vale- shipping in one!)  
  
Mia: Oh... that's weird...  
  
Isaac: Yeah... Pianobuggy has gone over the top now.  
  
Mia: Yeah... So, Isaac... you're Garet now?  
  
Isaac: Yeah  
  
Mia: Y'know... I heard that Garet had a thing for Jenna from Pianobuggy's sister, Razamataz. (strange girl, but she writes good fanfiction)  
  
Ivan: Shouldn't we be doing something now?  
  
Mia: (snaps) like what, air-head?  
  
Ivan: Like saving that guy, your BROTHER?  
  
Mia: Nah, I don't even know him. (pause) This is weird...  
  
Isaac: What?  
  
Mia: I have this sudden urge to get out of the rain...  
  
Isaac: What? This just dawned on you?  
  
Mia: Well... I've never wanted out of the rain before... I'm a Mercury adept, remember?  
  
Navi: (flies over) Unless you aren't a mercury adept any more... (Dun, dun, DUN)  
  
Mia: What are you talking about?!  
  
Navi: You're Jenna now, remember?  
  
Mia: o_O  
  
Navi: Which means you need to go to the plaza... HOP TO IT! (no one moves) please?  
  
Mia: why don't we go... I want to get out of this rain.  
  
Isaac: alright.  
  
(They move south, cross the bridge, and get to the plaza)  
  
Mia: (at the nearest door) Alright, let's go inside.  
  
Navi: Inside? You can't go inside. You have to find someone with psynergy left!  
  
Mia: (flicks Navi) No we don't...  
  
Navi: But I have to supervise you...  
  
Ivan: Well you aren't being very assertive about it.  
  
Navi: I'm a little blue firefly! What do you expect?!  
  
Isaac: I agree with Mia... let's go inside... (to Navi) Pianobuggy's losing her touch... sending us this little tennis ball to tell us what to do.  
  
Pianobuggy: (looking into a large crystal ball showing the happenings of Vale, courtesy of her good friend the Wicked Witch of the West) Oh I don't think so, my pretties... just wait and see how ASSERTIVE Navi can be! Mwa HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
(Back in Vale)  
  
Navi: (glowing blue) DORA SAID WE SHOULD GO TO THE PLAZA AND SEE IF THERE WAS ANYONE WITH ANY PSYNERGY LEFT! DORA SAID WE SHOULD GO TO THE PLAZA AND SEE IF THERE WAS ANYONE WITH ANY PSYNERGY LEFT! DORA SAID...  
  
Ivan: (covering his ears) AGGH! Make the madness stop!  
  
Mia: Ok Navi! We'll go outside! Just get out of annoying-blue-fairy-mode! (A/N: term courtesy of Galaxy Girl and her hilarious Zelda fanfics)  
  
(the company go outside... but, as all of us Zelda-fans know, Navi doesn't stop her annoying-blue-fairy-mode until the task is completed. So, with the help of Navi's yelping, every person with available psynergy in the Plaza comes running to their aid. They choose someone and Navi goes back to normal, and they run back to the bridge)  
  
Navi: Is Link still ok?  
  
Link: Navi, you traitor! You said you'd be my partner from now on and you ditched me right after Ocarina for Pianobuggy!  
  
Navi: I'm sorry Link, but after I'd seen how you turned out grown up, I didn't want to go through your adolescence!  
  
Mia: Look, can we deal with this later? I REALLY want to get out of this rain.  
  
Ivan: Yeah, let's go down to the river.  
  
(They move down to the riverbank)  
  
Mia: Hold on Link! We'll get you out!  
  
{Suddenly a loud rumbling is heard. The (you guessed) Vale Boulder goes over the waterfall and takes out all the people on the dock}  
  
Link: This is crazy... I'm outta here. (his outfit changes from green to blue and he dives under water)  
  
Mia: This isn't good.  
  
Isaac: Daddy...  
  
Ivan: I'm, uh... going to go get help... (he runs back towards the plaza)  
  
Isaac: Wait a minute... Mia! We need to help Ivan... He can't fight Saturos and Menardi by himself.  
  
Mia: You're right... As always Isaac...  
  
Isaac: Um... right (the two follow Ivan)  
  
Voice1: We're the only ones who survived...... crap.  
  
Ivan: Gasp! Voices! (He hides by a rock)  
  
Voice2: Well hey! You act like you don't WANT to live.  
  
Voice1: You idiot! I meant you!  
  
Voice2: Oh... (pause) Hey wait! That's not nice! And besides... I didn't exactly WANT to come along... you made me!  
  
Voice1: Oh shut up... That switch though... it must have been a trap. Who knew that the sanctum could unleash such power?  
  
Voice2: I did.  
  
Voice1: I doubt you know anything. Still, I never thought the power of alchemy could be so strong.  
  
Voice2: I take offense to that.  
  
Isaac: Ivan! Come back!  
  
Ivan: Ssh!  
  
Isaac: Ivan! Saturos and Menardi are back there! You can't fight them by yourself!  
  
Menardi: (rounding the corner) You! You were eaves-dropping on us weren't you?  
  
Ivan: Darn-tootin we were.  
  
Menardi: .... You must forget everything you've heard.  
  
Isaac: Why so stiff Menardi? You're speaking right from the script. Have a little fun!  
  
Menardi: I have to retain my evil air.  
  
Ivan: Well from your conversation, I wouldn't say your buddy is retaining his "evil air." In fact, if I didn't know better, I'd say he was.....  
  
Garet: Hi guys!  
  
Isaac, Mia, and Ivan: o_O  
  
Isaac: Garet?!!! YOU'RE Saturos?  
  
Garet: Yeah... sucks, doesn't it? (sees Ivan. Gets manic look on his face) You...  
  
Ivan: o_O?!! Wha...  
  
Garet: You started all of this! You and your lame and over-used jokes about me out-eating New York City! GAHH! (Takes out his sword and rushes Ivan. He knocks him out in one blow. Menardi casts *Supernova* and knocks out Mia and Isaac)  
  
Menardi: Let's go Garet. We must plan for next time.  
  
Garet: Will you cut the act? You didn't have to knock out Isaac and Mia too... Although... being about twenty levels above Ivan was strangely satisfying....  
  
Navi: Garet... Go with Menardi, or we'll never get this done.  
  
Menardi: Yes, Garet... listen to the tennis ball... let's go! (drags him off)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Navi: TENNIS BALL!!! I AM NOT A TENNIS BALL!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: Y'know Navi... you DO look like a tennis ball... I bet you would have good spin too...  
  
Navi: o_O  
  
Pianobuggy: Anyway, next chapter we meet Kraden (who I had much of a hard time finding someone to play who fits the character)  
  
A/N: Truman State is now rebuilt and back in commission, so you can start applying again (although, thanks to our BELOVED characters... your tuitions might be a weeee bit higher.)  
  
ANOTHER A/N: I did NOT read Mismatched Sun before starting this fic... my full apologies to Flowers of Moss  
  
Please Review! 


	3. The Mysterious Identity of Kraden and th...

Disclaimer: Well, you know what goes here... Why are you reading this? Stop I tell you... STOP!  
  
Navi: Well, Pianobuggy, I never would have thought it, but you have reviews.  
  
That's right Navi, I have fans, so fork over the cash.  
  
Navi: Cash? Uhh...  
  
Don't tell me you don't have the cash you bet me Navi...  
  
Navi: -.-'  
  
(Chasing Navi with the Megaton hammer)  
  
Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews (all two of them!)! I'll be sure to read ALL of your stuff now Zelda the 7th sage and Destiny of the Past!  
  
~*~*~*~*~Chapter 3~*~*~*~*~  
  
"The Mysterious Identity of Kraden, and the Beginning of a Very Twisted Journey!"  
  
We warp to "3 Years Later" (wave your cursor and make appropriate sound effects and stuff)  
  
{A quiet and serene scene in Vale. We see our lovely heroine, Mia, considerably older now, (who is currently winning in our Vale vs. mud- shipping review contest) walking up the rebuilt stairs towards Ivan's house. She turns a corner and out of view}  
  
Ivan: Ahh! What is this devilry?!! What has she done!! (Topples over the roof and a loud thud is heard)  
  
Mia: x_x  
  
Ivan: (still frantic) Mia! Help! Something unexplainably terrible has happened! I woke up and I was twenty feet tall!  
  
Isaac: (runs over from practicing psynergy on a tall rock) Ivan, you idiot... you were on a roof...  
  
Ivan: oh... (looks up) so I was...  
  
Isaac: (not paying attention, he pushes Ivan to the side) Mia! Speak to me Mia!  
  
Mia: x_x  
  
Isaac: Mia! You can't die! We have to go to Kraden's and started the sequence of events that will eventually result in the salvation of Weyard! Mercury Adept! Is there a Mercury adept in the house?!  
  
Mia: Oh look at all the pretty birds...  
  
Isaac: Oh thank Venus! She's alive!  
  
Ivan: o_O  
  
Isaac: (stands up) Where's that stupid fairy?  
  
Navi: (flying from the roof) here!  
  
Isaac: Navi... I've been researching your game, since it's leader dude is supposed to be Felix... don't fairies have healing powers.  
  
Navi: o_O uhh.....  
  
Isaac: (grabs her wings) DON'T THEY?!!!  
  
Navi: Isaac... you really don't want to... I was never very good at... well you see, the thing is... this is really funny actually...  
  
Isaac: (going bug-eyed) DoN't ThEy?!!!  
  
Navi: Don't you ever wonder why I never healed Link in Ocarina?  
  
Isaac: This had BETTER be good.  
  
Navi: Well, you see, when a fairy heals someone...  
  
Isaac: yeah...  
  
Navi: they go *POOF*!  
  
Isaac: THAT'S NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON! (Swiftly grabs Navi and swirls her in circles over Mia)  
  
Navi: I'm MELTING!!!!  
  
{With a poof Navi disappears and Mia sits up}  
  
Mia: Where am I?  
  
Isaac: Mia! You're ok! (grabs Mia into a bear-hug) Mia: ....can't.... breathe...  
  
PDV: Navi!  
  
Isaac: uh oh...  
  
PDV: You... killed... my... NAVI!!!! Do you realize what you've done?!!  
  
Isaac: uh..... no.  
  
PDV: By destroying my muse, you've destroyed my ambition to write! When I don't write... YOU don't exist... your lives end when I stop typing. You have called upon your own DOOM!  
  
Mia and Ivan: (Stare accusingly at Isaac)  
  
PDV: *Ahem* Lucky for you, I just happen to have this Navi regenerator for times such as these. (A large steel gadgety-thingamabobber falls out of the sky. It immediately is set into motion and, after some popped and whistles, an intact but severely shaken blue fairy flutters out.) Now, do NOT take advantage of your supervisor like that again. And YOU Navi... what kind of a muse are you? You can't even stick up for yourself! Do you want to be REPLACED?!!  
  
Mia: (whispers to Ivan) That girl has some serious issues.  
  
Navi: Alright?!! You want me to stick up for myself?! You want me to be ASSERTIVE, you say?! Fine! But when you are all on your knees begging mercy from me, fleeing before me and racing to cater my every whim, never moving quickly enough to keep me from repeating the same thing over and over again, you'll remember that it was YOU who did this to me!  
  
Everyone else: o_O  
  
Navi: (panting heavily) Alright! You! Isaac! Get up and fix Dora's roof, because Ivan is obviously incapable of remaining on his feet! Mia! Go make sure Isaac doesn't fall off the roof (Ivan sniggers) Ivan! Get your lazy but off the ground and bring Dora outside! Move! Move! MOVE! (takes out a tiny whistle and blows, only to realize that the fairy-sized whistle produces a sound so high that no human could possibly hear it, shrugs, and tosses it aside.)  
  
Ivan: (standing up) Aggh! I was right! Help!  
  
Mia: What is it Ivan?  
  
Ivan: I AM twenty feet tall!  
  
Isaac: (turns to Ivan) Ivan... you're.... OLD.  
  
{Ivan inspects himself to find out that he is indeed 17 years old, and not short! (A/N: HaHa Razamataz! A cruel twist of fate for the short people!) He tosses his hair back in glee, and skips into the house to retrieve Dora)  
  
Mia: Wow... Ivan as a 17-year-old.... Scary.  
  
Isaac: umm... right... let's go fix that roof.  
  
{They climb the ladder to the roof and have a long, and serious (thus not worthy for this fanfic) conversation, while Navi flies around barking orders to random villagers}  
  
PDV: (shakes invisible head) what have I done?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
End of chap......  
  
Navi: NOOOOOO!!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: what?  
  
Navi: You can't stop the chapter now! You promised you would reveal to us the identity of Kraden! And you only have four pages typed!  
  
Pianobuggy: oh, right... that annoying glitch in the character-switching process that took so much TIME... Who is annoying enough to play Kraden? The mystery... the suspense...  
  
Navi: Riiiiiight... THAT mystery... You have to let them know before you finish the chapter...  
  
Pianobuggy: And after I do that, y'all will leave my head in peace?  
  
Navi: Never.  
  
Pianobuggy: Darn.  
  
Navi: So, What are you waiting for? Finish the chapter!  
  
Pianobuggy: Ok! Fine! Fine! Just don't start glowing...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{The roof is now fixed and Navi, Isaac, Ivan, and Mia are standing (or floating) in a circle}  
  
Ivan: Ok... I say we go over to Kraden's now and see what happened to him...  
  
Isaac: Yes... I'm anxious to see who could be annoying enough to play Kraden.  
  
Mia: Well who COULD it be?  
  
Isaac: Hmm... Maybe it's Piers... he's certainly OLD enough.  
  
Ivan: That's true... I bet it's him.  
  
Mia: So what was up with Garet being assigned as Saturos? That was weird.  
  
Ivan: (giggling) Maybe it was because they both must use a serious amount of hair gel...  
  
Navi: (Starting to glow)  
  
Isaac: Uh... guys... Navi's glowing...  
  
Ivan and Mia: o_O  
  
{suddenly Ivan dives at Navi, grabbing her and pinching her invisible fairy mouth shut}  
  
Ivan: Perhaps we should go...  
  
Mia and Isaac: (nod)  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, and Mia walk North to the bridge and start across.}  
  
Voice: Isaac!  
  
{Isaac freezes, recognizing the voice and closes his eyes.)  
  
Isaac: (muttering) I should have known.  
  
Voice: Isaac, you turd! Get your filthy butt over here and move this rock! You've crushed my precious flowers!  
  
{Isaac turns to see Garet's sister, looking very angry with her arms crossed and tapping her feet.}  
  
Isaac: Y'know... perhaps you should have considered that your garden was in the way of my training rock.  
  
Garet's Sister: What?!  
  
Isaac: I mean, your garden is directly enclosed by three cliff faces! Do you really think your flowers are going to grow there? Just look at them! I've never seen a more pathetic garden in my li.....  
  
Garet's Sister: Arrrrrrrraaaaaagh! (She sprints and tackles Isaac. Isaac, taken by surprise, falls over. Garet's sister sits on him and immediately begins pummeling his head into a post on the bridge) I...(blam!) was... (conk!) going... (wham!) to make... (pow!) you wait. (kerplowie!) till tonight... (bam!) but now... (thud!) I see that it'd be... (bonk!) just as satisfying... (boink!) to kill you now!  
  
Mia: Isaac! (rushes over and promptly whacks Garet's sister on the head, who is immediately knocked out... she grabs Isaac and turns him over) Isaac! Are you alright?!  
  
Isaac: Oh look... It's an angel... hello angel... please don't take me yet angel, I want to stay here with Mia...  
  
Mia: (blushing) well...  
  
Ivan: Oh please... (pushes Mia aside and slaps Isaac in the face) Isaac, snap out of it!  
  
Isaac: (puts two fingers in a cross) Ahh! A demon! Angel! Save me from the demon!  
  
Mia: Ivan, leave him alone! Come on Isaac, walk with me. (she puts his arm around his back and begins walking while supporting a delirious Isaac) When do I get my healing powers back?  
  
{They walk across the bridge and out of the central village... suddenly, they hear the voices of Menardi and Garet}  
  
Menardi: He knows much about alchemy, doesn't he?  
  
Garet: Who? (makes a face) Hey! I made a funny! Get it? WHO (alternate spelling: hoo)?!!!! hee-hee!  
  
Menardi: (Slaps him) shut up Garet! Mars! I have to work with this idiot?! I wonder who can be more important than ourselves?.....  
  
Ivan: Hi guys!  
  
Menardi: (shocked) Were you eaves-dropping on us just now?  
  
Ivan: Uh, no... If we were, I don't think we would have revealed ourselves just now...  
  
Menardi: True...  
  
Garet: (Incredulous) Ivan, you're... tall.  
  
Ivan: That's right Garet... don't sleep... it's not safe anymore...  
  
Isaac: (still delirious. Walks up to Garet and Menardi) Angel... are these the gods? I thought Venus would be prettier than this...  
  
Menardi: That's it... Let me at 'im (pulls out scythe and walks forward. Garet holds her back)  
  
Garet: Let him go, Menardi.  
  
Menardi: (stops struggling) Are you... sure?  
  
Garet: (Staring at Ivan maliciously) Yes, Menardi... These CHILDREN obviously have a very important meeting with _______ (A/N: What? You thought I'd give it away NOW???)  
  
Mia: Are you alright Garet?  
  
Garet: (perking up) oh I'm alright, Mia. But I'd watch that... IVAN character...  
  
Menardi: (sighs) You're right, Garet... We'll get them (eyes narrow)... later.  
  
Ivan: You're letting me go, Garet?  
  
Garet: Unfortunately I have to... Pianobuggy sent a guy who'd kill me if I tried to dispose of you before I'm supposed to.  
  
Ivan: That's comforting.  
  
Garet: You'd better get going now...  
  
Ivan: ok...  
  
{Ivan, Mia, and Isaac leave, Ivan staring over his shoulder in paranoia}  
  
Garet: (after they round the corner) Little do they know that the horror that awaits them is FAR worse than anything I could do... mwahahahaha...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Pianobuggy: Can I PLEASE end it now?  
  
Navi: No. Write.  
  
Pianobuggy: But I want to be evil... Let me have a cliffhanger...  
  
Navi: (maliciously; flies right up to Pianobuggy's nose) No. Write.  
  
Pianobuggy: (eyeing Navi nervously, as if she's ready to explode) Ok... fine then... I'll finish... (adjusts the chains around her wrists attaching her to the computer and types)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{Ivan, Mia, and Isaac climb the stairs to Kraden's house, eagerly expecting to see someone pacing back and forth in front of the house... there is no one in sight}  
  
Ivan: Umm... this is creepy...  
  
Mia: Where's Kraden?  
  
Isaac: (dreamy-eyed)  
  
Ivan: Is he going to be alright?  
  
Mia: I dunno...  
  
{Ivan knocks Isaac on the head}  
  
Mia: Ivan!  
  
Isaac: ow...  
  
Mia: (frantic) Isaac... Are you okay?  
  
Isaac: Mia? Where am I? (look of dawning realization) Where's Garet's sister? (Looks around frantically)  
  
Mia: It's okay... you're safe now.  
  
Ivan: (mockingly in a high-pitched voice) Thank you, Ivan, for saving my boyfriend.  
  
Mia: Shut-up Ivan.  
  
Isaac: So what are we doing now?  
  
Ivan: We're at Kraden's house, but I don't see him anywhere...  
  
Freakishly Scary Voice: Oh Ho HO HO HOO!!!! (the sky turns black and lightning flashes across the sky)  
  
Navi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO!!!!  
  
Isaac: (sowering) What is it, Navi? What was that horrible ear-splitting sound  
  
Navi: That is the sound of Pianobuggy's vengeance! It's...  
  
Kaepora Gaebora: ME!!! Look up here everyone!  
  
Navi: (shudders)  
  
Ivan: Gahh! Navi... what is that thing?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Navi: HOLD IT!  
  
Pianobuggy: What is it, Navi? I don't think the readers are going to like any more of these interruptions...  
  
Navi: Me, Link, Kaepora, this is WAY too much Zelda for a GS fanfic.  
  
Pianobuggy: Well, I couldn't have you by yourself... and I needed a non-GS character to supervise Felix's group. As for Kaepora... that was a unique situation.  
  
Navi: I think I can speak for the readers when I ask what that could be... Hmm?  
  
Pianobuggy: Welllll... One of the GS characters was due for a vacation, and well, he doesn't have carry-overs in his benefits, so I let him use it. He'll be back later, but until then, Kaepora is standing in. I promise... no more Zelda after that...  
  
Navi: (raises eyebrow)  
  
Pianobuggy: I do!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Navi: The most evil owl in Nintendo creation.  
  
Kaepora: Umm... right... ho hoo! Anyways... Those two people who just came by knew way too much about sol sanctum and acted as if they'd seen it with they're own eyes so I say that we should go up there together and see if they were telling the truth because if we go to the authorities now we'll never get to study all of the wonders of alchemy hidden inside the depths of the sanctum because it'll be under stronger guard and we can just say it's part of your studies anyway and destiny calls us to do it so you can't argue because no matter what you say we're going anyway because I said so and would you like me to repeat all this again?  
  
Ivan, Isaac, Navi, and Mia: (horrified)  
  
Navi: Din have mercy...  
  
Ivan: who's din?  
  
Navi: (shakes head) nothing.  
  
Kaepora: So, shall we be going?  
  
Ivan: (submitting) I suppose so...  
  
Kaepora: before we go though, (hoot ho!) could you go inside the house and get these four bags on the table?  
  
Isaac: (eager to get away from Kaepora) I'll get it...  
  
{he runs inside to see three guys in black suits and sunglasses standing around the table}  
  
Isaac: Who are you guys?  
  
Guy1: That information is confidential.  
  
Guy2: Are you the resident of this house?  
  
Isaac: Umm... no... but what are you doing here? And what's with the funny clothes?  
  
Guy1: The owner of this house is in illegal possession of mythril, which belongs to a Mr. Frodo Baggins of New Zealand. The resident stole this mythril, and as a result, endangered the existence of an entire world.  
  
Isaac: Well, we need it now, or OUR world will be destroyed... Who is this Frodo guy? Sounds like a clown name... Let me have a word with him.  
  
Frodo: (A/N: This is for you, Cara!) (steps out from behind one of the guys) You want to talk with me?  
  
Isaac: (laughs loudly) Ivan! Ivan get in here! There's actually someone SHORTER than you!  
  
Frodo: Hey, buddy... you calling me short?!  
  
Isaac: Yeah? What'cha gonna do about it? (pokes Frodo) I could take you downtown any day... I'll kick you right into 3434. (A/N: 3434, as I know from my seriously obsessed LOTR fan friend, is the year in which the plot of LOTR begins... gee, would have thought that story would be in the PAST...)  
  
Frodo: I'm gonna do this... (whistles) Fido... sick 'im.  
  
Mia, Ivan, and Navi from outside: Ahh!  
  
{The balrog from Fellowship of the Ring promptly steps into the room, bringing down the ceiling and growling menacingly at Isaac}  
  
Isaac: o_O  
  
Frodo: Still want to kick me into 3434?  
  
Isaac: (staring wide-eyed at the balrog. Shakes his head)  
  
Frodo: and...?  
  
Isaac: and you can have the mythril...  
  
Frodo: and...?  
  
Isaac: and what?!  
  
Frodo: and you can't take me downtown...  
  
Isaac: ...and I can't take you downtown.  
  
Frodo: Good enough. Come along, boys. Our work is done here (they walk through the rubble, the balrog scorching the forest on his way out of Weyard.)  
  
Mia: (running in) What WAS that?  
  
Isaac: scary. (he goes to the cabinet, the only part of Kraden's house still intact and grabs four shop n' save plastic grocery bags) These will have to do.  
  
{Mia, Ivan, Isaac, Navi, and Kaepora walk/fly into central Vale and over the bridge. As they walk north toward Mt. Aleph, one of the town healers jumps out from behind a tree}  
  
Isaac: Gahh!!!  
  
Healer: Y'all weren't planning on going up to the mountain were you?  
  
Ivan: umm... (looks at Navi, who is violently shaking her head) no  
  
Healer: (looks at Ivan suspiciously) I've got my EYE on you, Ivan.  
  
Ivan: okay... (backs away)  
  
{The group huddles, and Kaepora lands on Isaac's shoulder}  
  
Isaac: Ah! Get off! Your talons are painful Kaepora! And you're too heavy!  
  
Kaepora: (looks at Isaac and turns his head upside-down) Wow... the world is upside-down...  
  
Isaac: (falls to the ground under the weight and swats Kaepora off... gets up and brushes his knees off)  
  
Ivan: so what do we do now?  
  
Mia: We could try to sneak past the healer...  
  
{They all look over at the healer, who has his head cocked and is intently watching them}  
  
Mia: Okay, scratch that...  
  
Kaepora: I can fly you over...  
  
Isaac: No! Please don't!  
  
{Too late... before anyone can stop him, Kaepora wraps his talons around Ivan's head and lifts him into the air}  
  
Ivan: Ahhhhhhh! Kaepora! I'll kill you! (pulls a large stick out of his pack and whacks the demonic bird. Kaepora promptly drops him) Ok... that was a mistake... (Ivan crashes to the ground, right in front of sol sanctum.) oww...  
  
{Kaepora flies back to the others, who have hidden}  
  
Kaepora: Where'd they go?  
  
Healer: Hey, those kids are gone... I suppose I'll go inside now and contemplate the meaninglessness of my life... (goes inside the sanctum)  
  
Isaac: (popping out from behind the bush) Wow... he's gone.  
  
Kaepora: There you are! (dives for Isaac)  
  
Isaac: Ahhh!  
  
Mia: Kaepora, no! You don't have to fly us now! The healer went inside!  
  
Kaepora: (stops in midair... realizes that was a mistake and crashes into the ground) ow.  
  
Mia: (shakes head)  
  
{Isaac, Mia, Navi, and Kaepora walk/fly up to sol sanctum and walk inside}  
  
Mia: eww... this place is slimy... I'm going home... (starts out the door)  
  
Navi: Oh no you don't! (grabs Mia and tries to drag her back)  
  
Ivan: Navi's right, Mia... we need you.  
  
Mia: Oh, fine! But this doesn't mean I'm going to like this!  
  
{They hop across the platforms in the water and walk down the corridor North, West, South, and then West again to another section of water with platforms. They hop to the right corridor and follow it up to the minotaur head}  
  
Mia: (face lights up) Oh... Oh!.....  
  
Isaac: What is it Mia?  
  
Mia: (walking forward in a trance) sparkly... must have... sparkly... jewels...  
  
Ivan and Isaac: ...  
  
Ivan: (glances at Mia, who is desperately trying to wrench the jewel from the minotaur head) Perhaps we should try the other corridors...  
  
{Ivan and Isaac hop to the middle corridor and up to the treasure chest}  
  
Isaac: oooh... a treasure chest... I wonder what could be in here... (opens it up to find a jewel)  
  
Ivan: That's like the jewel in the minotaur head...  
  
Isaac: ooh. Yeah! Let's give it to Mia as a surprise. She'll love it.  
  
Ivan: -_-*  
  
{back in the right corridor}  
  
Isaac: Mia! Hey Mia!  
  
Mia: (still pulling) Not... now Isaac... must have... sparkly jewel! (makes one last tug, and collapses in exhaustion) What do you want?  
  
Isaac: I found this jewel for you... (holds it out)  
  
Mia: Oh Isaac! You shouldn't have! (takes the jewel and plants Isaac a big kiss on the lips)  
  
Isaac: (blushing)  
  
Ivan: Oh give me that! (snatches the jewel, and sticks it in the minotaur's other eye.)  
  
Mia: Hey! That's mine!  
  
Ivan: Shh! Listen! (they hear the sound of shifting stone)  
  
Mia: (breaking the silence) That's nice... now give me back my sparkly jewel! (Pushes Ivan and tries to get her jewel back... It's stuck) Arrgh! (rounds on Ivan) You! You cost me my sparkly jewel! Get it back or else!  
  
Ivan: I don't think it's going to come out Mia...  
  
Mia: Arghh! (tackles Ivan and starts choking him)  
  
Ivan: can't... breathe... Jupiter take me now!  
  
Isaac: Mia! (grabs Mia and holds her back. Ivan grasps for breath)  
  
Mia: He stole my pretty jewel! He must pay!  
  
Ivan: Sweet... air...  
  
Isaac: I know he took your jewel, and it was very wrong, but you can't kill him...  
  
Mia: (Rounds on Isaac) and why not?  
  
Isaac: Because last time I tried to hurt Ivan, Pianobuggy singed my butt...  
  
{both turn to look malevolently at Ivan who is gasping on the floor, and look back at each-other}  
  
Isaac: Anyway, Mia, when this is all over, I'll get you another jewel.  
  
Mia: (starry-eyed) Can it be white and on a ring?  
  
Isaac: o_O..... uh... yeah... Sure...  
  
Mia: Yay! C'mon! Let's get out of this sewer! (she grabs Isaac's arm and runs to the platforms, races down the left corridor, through the room with the statues, and into the secret passageway while everyone else struggles to keep up. Deciding that Isaac is too slow, she let's go of his hand and races ahead. Suddenly, a loud scream is heard around the corner. Isaac and Ivan round the corner to see a bat flying around Mia's head. Mia is thrashing around at it with her eyes closed)  
  
(A/N: All psynergy spells will now be expressed with the ~ sign. Why you ask? It's pretty and I say so!)  
  
Isaac: ~Flare~  
  
(The bat is singed and falls to the ground. Isaac looks at his hands in incredulity)  
  
Mia: (leaps on Isaac) My hero...  
  
Ivan: Isaac... you just did a fire attack...  
  
Isaac: I know...  
  
PDV: a cruel twist of fate, is it not?  
  
Isaac: you're not serious...  
  
Ivan: You switched our elements?!!  
  
Isaac: (points at Ivan, laughing) Look who's pig-pen now! This is so cool! Look at me! I'm a pyro! (opens his mouth and breathes fire)  
  
Mia: oooo... Let me try that... (imitates Isaac)  
  
Ivan: (looks indignant) I'm a VENUS adept?! This is an insult to my intelligence! I demand to speak to Pianobuggy...  
  
PDV: yes?  
  
Ivan: You can't change our elements!  
  
PDV: yes I can.  
  
Ivan: I demand to be a Jupiter adept again.  
  
PDV: Oh, but Ivan, Venus fits you so much better...  
  
Isaac: Yeah, Ivan, she's much more girly than Jupiter... you'll be a much better Venus adept.  
  
Ivan: I resent that!  
  
Mia: (giggling)  
  
PDV: Anyway, you're elements are switched, and that's that.  
  
Ivan: Pianobuggy!  
  
{silence}  
  
Ivan: Ooh... I'm mad now... let's get this over with.  
  
{They go into the next room, where there is a bunch of statues in a row. By moving all of them, another minotaur head is revealed}  
  
Mia: Ooh! Isaac! Another minotaur head! That means there must be another jewel around here somewhere... Oh! There was another hallway in the room we were just in! (Mia runs out the door and is back with the jewel in her hand. With the other, she grabs Isaac's arm and tries to pull him outside.) C'mon Isaac! I've got the jewel... let's forget this quest and get out of here!  
  
Ivan: Oh no you don't! I'm NOT staying a Venus adept forever! (he dives forward and wretches the gem out of Mia's grasp. Before she can stop him, he shoves it into the minotaur's eye and a door appears. He goes toward it, and Mia collapses to the ground in despair.)  
  
Mia: I... can't go on...  
  
Ivan: WHAT?!  
  
Mia: I... don't have the will to fight anymore.  
  
Ivan: Over some stupid green gemstone?!! Have you lost your mind?!! Come on! (he grabs her arm and drags her through the door, down the hall, and into the sun room)  
  
Kaepora: Ooh... it's just like they described... HooT hO!  
  
Ivan: What? This room?  
  
Isaac: They? They who?  
  
Kaepora: Menardi and Garet.  
  
Mia: Wait... Garet met you?  
  
Kaepora: Well, sort of...HOO! He ran away after a few HOOT minutes  
  
Mia: And he didn't WARN us about you???!!! (mumbling) that boy is going to die...  
  
Kaepora: There must be some secret to this room... lets go on.  
  
Mia: Why? We know now that Menardi and Garet have been here already, so let's go back home.  
  
Ivan: (A/N: have you ever noticed that Ivan is Navi backwards? Hmm... I just noticed that...) No!  
  
Navi: You can't go back... we have to finish!  
  
Ivan: or I'll never be a Jupiter adept again!  
  
Navi: I'm in league with Ivan on this one. You aren't going anywhere.  
  
{Isaac and Mia look at them, then at each-other, and start to walk toward the door... Ivan starts charging an earthquake, and the ground begins to shake. Navi starts glowing blue}  
  
Isaac: (staring at Ivan and Navi) On second thought, Mia... perhaps we should go on...  
  
Mia: (also staring) I concur...  
  
{They enter the luna room}  
  
Kaepora: Ooh! This room is dedicated to Luna the moon and these rooms must be connected somehow so why don't you go on up ahead and...  
  
Isaac: ~Flare~  
  
Kaepora: x_x  
  
Isaac: Venus, it's good to have psynergy back.  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, Mia and Navi go up the stares and into the crystally room with the psynergy crystal}  
  
Mia: @_@  
  
Ivan: Oh no....  
  
Mia: Sparklies...  
  
Isaac: -_-*  
  
Mia: (dives for the psynergy stone first, which is the largest jewel not attached to the ground. It, of course, disappears.) No! What is this devilry?! Does Mercury not want me to have a pretty stone?! All I want is a pretty stone!  
  
Isaac: (pats her on the shoulder) I'm sorry Mia.  
  
Mia: That's it... I can't take it... I've made my decision... There's a time in every girl's life where she has to decide what's important.  
  
Isaac: okay?  
  
Mia: I will never leave this room again.  
  
Isaac and Ivan: o_O  
  
Ivan: This will not work. Isaac?  
  
{Isaac nods, and a death struggle ensues as the boys try to drag Mia out of the crystal room. Mia is obviously winning, as she is scorching everyone else and Isaac is trying not to hurt her, when suddenly Mia goes limp. The boys look over to see Navi holding a large tranquilizer gun}  
  
Navi: (shrugs) I had to get her to leave somehow.  
  
{In the statue room}  
  
Ivan: Wow... this is cool.  
  
{Isaac dives forward to move a staue}  
  
Navi: No Isaac! You can't!  
  
Isaac: What?  
  
Navi: Don't move that statue!  
  
Isaac: Why not?  
  
Navi: Don't you remember your own game?!!!  
  
Isaac: (sarcastically) umm... no... (rolls his eyes)  
  
Navi: If you push that statue, it will start the chain of events that caused the Vale boulder to fall. Kaepora will notice, and he'll come up here and give you a long speech about how it's a trap (shudders)  
  
Isaac: (pulls his hand away from the statue and looks at it as if it was trying to bite him) That would be bad.  
  
Navi: Go into the next room and push the statues in there.  
  
Isaac: Okay. (he goes into the next room and pushes the statues, comes back and pushes all the statues. Before Kaepora can come up and lecture them, they sprint down the stairs, whiz past Kaepora, into the former sun room and into the portal (unfortunately, Kaepora follows them)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Navi: That was a LONG chapter.  
  
Pianobuggy: (wipes forehead) yes it was... now are you happy?  
  
Navi: No. Muses are never happy. We are slave-drivers by nature. Write the next chapter... NOW! (pulls out a whip)  
  
Pianobuggy: o_O (rips chains from the computer desk and starts running. Yells over shoulder) MUDSHIPPERS STILL WINNING BY A REVIEW! VALE SHIPPERS: GET ON THE BALL! IF YOU'RE NOT EITHER, REVIEW ANYWAY!! TELL NAVI NOT TO KILL ME! (Throws a note in the air)  
  
Note:  
  
Zelda the 7th Sage: Sheba will be in this... I'm using all the characters from GS and GSTLA, so be patient, keep reading, and thanks for the reviews! 


	4. The Elemental Sparklies and the Wrath of...

Pianobuggy: C'mon Vale-shippers! Don't let the mud-shippers take you down without a fight!  
  
Navi: What's the current review count?  
  
Pianobuggy: 3-0 mudshippers  
  
Navi: o_O... Really? Not ONE vale-shipper has sent you a review?  
  
Pianobuggy: Nope... but I've gotten one burn-shipper and a wind-shipper. Go figure.  
  
Navi: hmm....  
  
~*~*~*~*~Chapter 4~*~*~*~*~  
  
"The Elemental Sparklies and The Wrath of Jenna"  
  
{The scene opens in a cell of a maximum-security prison somewhere in Texas. The only decoration is a projector and a white-screen currently showing the happenings in our weirded-up Weyard. In the cell is an assortment of our heroes, all except for Ivan, Isaac, Kaepora, and Mia. The rest are watching as an ultra-hyper Mia plants a kiss on our once-hero-now-sidekick, Isaac as he hands her a jewel he found in our last chapter}  
  
Jenna: NO!!!! Make it stop!!!! (she buries her head in her hands, bawling, and Garet nervously pats her on the shoulder)  
  
Menardi: (plotting and muttering to herself in a corner)  
  
Sheba: Now, now, Jenna... it's not so bad!  
  
Jenna: THAT'S EASY FOR YOU TO SAY!!! YOU DON'T SEE IVAN FLOUNCING OVER SOME AWFUL.  
  
Felix: (covers Jenna's mouth) Jenna!  
  
Jenna: (rips Felix's hand from her mouth) Shut up Felix! I wasn't going to say anything!  
  
Felix: (rolls his eyes and retires to a corner by Alex)  
  
Saturos: Little sisters... Tsk tsk tsk... (A/N: Ha Ha Razamataz!)  
  
Kraden: I...  
  
Sheba: Shut up, Kraden.  
  
Piers: (from outside the steel door's little eye window thing, carrying a bunch of Taco Bell bags) Hey guys!  
  
Everyone else: o_O  
  
Piers: What? You didn't expect Pianobuggy to put me in prison again did you?  
  
Pianobuggy: (Walking in with the keys) Yeah... After being in jail once already? Besides... in case y'all haven't noticed, Piers was the ONLY one not making a fuss in Chapter One (It's true! You don't believe me? Look yourself!)  
  
Saturos: You can't keep us in jail to serve your whims, Pianobuggy!  
  
Pianobuggy: That's what happens when you mess with the government, Alex... you go to jail. Let's just call what you're doing for me "probation" shall we?  
  
Piers: So who got the burrito?  
  
(fully grown) Link: (In a corner, shaking his head)  
  
{Jenna, still crying, raises her hand}  
  
Pianobuggy: Alrighty then (takes out keys and opens the door and steps in with Piers)  
  
Jenna: That's it! That little vegetable is going to pay! (promptly scorches Pianobuggy into a pile of ashes and runs out the door)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Navi: (steps in front of a closed, blue curtain, to find the spotlight on her) Uh oh... (clears throat) Umm... Hello everyone! I... uh... well... I suppose you've realized by now that without Pianobuggy, this fic ceases to exist...so... umm...  
  
Pianobuggy: Navi! What are you doing?  
  
Navi: AHHHH!!! G- G- G- Ghost! (Navi shakes to the sound of an alarm bell, goes ghostly white, and a series of cartoon-eyeballs, each as big as Navi herself anyway, pop out of her head. She attempt to fly offstage, but a hand comes out of the curtain and grabs her wing. Pianobuggy, wholly intact, steps out of the curtain.)  
  
Pianobuggy: (as Navi struggles to get away) Settle down Navi... I never died.  
  
Navi: (hysterical) Then who was that who just got burned to a crisp?  
  
Pianobuggy: That was all part of the matrix. It wasn't real.  
  
Navi: what?  
  
Pianobuggy: (rolling her eyes) It was a hologram, courtesy of the REAL Picard, from Star Trek.  
  
Navi: You're confusing me.  
  
Pianobuggy: (exiting the stage with Navi) I'm a magician... an escapist.  
  
Navi: You know what happens to most escapists, Pianobuggy?  
  
Pianobuggy: Shh! Navi! This is a non-violent fic!  
  
Navi: (Sarcastically) Sure it is.....  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, Mia, Navi, and (unfortunately) Kaepora Gaebora appear through the portal.}  
  
Kaepora: Is tha-  
  
PDV: Okay... that's it. Kaepora, I'm sorry, but I need to get rid of you now.  
  
Kaepora: What? Hoo?  
  
PDV: (tugging on shirt collar) Well, you see, my evil-authoressness allows me to be cruel and unmerciful to my characters, but you can only torture the readers so much...  
  
Kaepora: ?_?  
  
PDV: Anyways... the REAL person assigned to play Kraden is back from his vacation, so I no longer need you...  
  
{Kaepora tries to protest, but is instantaneously combusted and replaced by, in a swimsuit, scuba goggles, a lei, and a Hawaiian shirt}  
  
Alex: Where am I?  
  
Ivan: You're not serious...  
  
Mia: HE's Kraden?  
  
Alex: I'm what? What's going on?  
  
Isaac: (taking sincere joy in torturing Alex) Well, Alex, (he puts his arm around Alex's shoulder) We've all switched rolls for this fic right? (Alex nods) Well, you're Kraden.  
  
Alex: (eyes widen) No way! That over-talkative idiot who bores even those who like dialogue in games into a stupor and never gets to kick monster butt or be worth anything or do psynergy or figure anything out or ANYTHING???  
  
Ivan: He's sounding like Kraden already...  
  
Isaac: And that would mean...  
  
PDV: Ooh! I almost forgot (a loud snap is heard and Alex progresses to become about 600 years old, JUST LIKE KRADEN!)  
  
Alex: Ahhh!!!  
  
Everyone: Ahhh!!!  
  
Ivan: (giggling) HA! Alex! You're... OLD!!!!  
  
Kraden's Disembodied Voice: (Thunder and lightning) I heard that...  
  
Alex: I am not going along with this Pianobuggy! You can't make me!  
  
Mia: (Covering his mouth. In a scared voice.) Be careful what you say, Alex...  
  
Alex: No! I refuse! I'm all-powerful and I'm going to screw this story up until I get my- (A large bucket of ice-water that came out of nowhere empties itself over Alex's head)  
  
PDV: Just get on with it, Alex...  
  
Alex: (Squeezing out his hair and beard) No! I will not!  
  
PDV: If I make you young again will you get on with it?  
  
Alex: (slyly) maybe...  
  
PDV: Oh, fine... but only because it's too hard to picture you old...  
  
{Alex becomes young again}  
  
Alex: Yes! Alright kiddos... Let's get this over with. Oh look, the elemental stars, is this the ocean? What's the ocean? The ocean is this big thing at the end of the world that has waves, someday I'll show it to you, with one elemental star one can rule the world because it is the basis of alchemy, blah blah blah, there are four elements, earth, fi-  
  
Ivan: Wrong!  
  
Alex: (shocked by the interruption, is now hanging off of the edge of the platform) Wha-?  
  
Ivan: You're wrong!  
  
Alex: Mia! Mia, help me up!  
  
Mia: (looking over the edge) I think he's got a point there, Al...  
  
Alex: For Mercury's sake, don't CALL me that...  
  
Mia: What, Al? (holding out her hands in a vision-like state) I can see it now! Big AL's elemental stars and bar-be-que!!!  
  
Alex: slipping... someone... please... help me...  
  
Ivan: Not until you admit you're wrong!!  
  
Alex: WRONG ABOUT WHAT?!! I'M ABOUT TO FALL TO A WATERY GRAVE!!!  
  
Navi: Well with that sort of attitude, Nayru knows you deserve it...  
  
Ivan: Nayru?  
  
Navi: Forget it.  
  
Ivan: (shrugs)  
  
Isaac: (looking at Alex, who is hanging on by three fingers) Perhaps we should let him up...  
  
Ivan: Not until...  
  
{Isaac and Mia are, nevertheless, pulling Alex up}  
  
Ivan: Fine! I'll just have to deal with this myself. (marches up to Alex and stands up as straight as he can, so that they are nose-to-nose)  
  
Alex: You grew didn't you?  
  
Ivan: Admit it... You're wrong...  
  
Alex: About WHAT?!!  
  
Ivan: (Goes into a frenzy) There are not four elements, there are 118! Water is a compound! Earth are mixtures! Wind isn't even matter! It's the movement of air... and as for fire... It's a chemical reaction! Hydrogen! Helium! Lithium! Beryllium! Boron! Carbon! Nitrogen! Oxygen! Fluorine! (A/N: Can you tell I'm in chemistry this year?) Neon! Sodium! Magnesium! Aluminum!...  
  
Mia: Stop the madness!  
  
Ivan: Silicon! Phosphorus! Sulfur! Chlorine! Argon! Potassium (that stuff in the yummy bananas)! Calcium! Scandium! Titanium! Vanadium! Chromium! Manganese! Iron! Cobalt! Nickel! Copper! Zinc! Gallium! Germanium (no... it's not a plant... it's a metal... you're thinking of Germania)! (Takes a deep breath) Arsenic! Selenium! Bromine! Krypton! Rubidium!...  
  
Alex: (starts choking Ivan)  
  
Ivan: No! The truth will not be silenced! Strontium (gag)! Zirconium (choke)! Molybdenum (wheeze)!  
  
{Ivan, from Alex choking him and Pianobuggy not remembering any more elements, falls to his knees and goes unconscious. Alex drops him on the floor}  
  
Alex: ...heretic.  
  
Isaac and Mia: (on their knees) Thank you o gracious Alex!  
  
Alex: Shut up and get the elemental stars for me!  
  
Isaac: Wait... I can't get them without Ivan... It wouldn't fit the story.  
  
Alex: Forget the story! Get the stars NOW! (gets a manic look on his face)  
  
Mia: (backing away) Okay, Alex...  
  
Isaac: (Also backing away) Don't have a hissy-fit...  
  
Mia: gasp* Sparklies...  
  
Isaac: No, Mia...  
  
Mia: (mesmerized) The ultimate sparklies...  
  
{Mia and Isaac hop across the platforms and get the Venus, Mercury, and Jupiter Stars... They turn around to see...}  
  
Menardi: I think they've spotted us...  
  
Mia: WHAT WAS THAT, MENARDI? YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK UP!!!  
  
Menardi: I SAID I THINK THEY'VE SPOTTED US!!!  
  
Mia: OH!!!..... THANK YOU!!  
  
Garet: HI MIA, HI ISAAC! (looks down at Ivan) WHAT'D YOU DO TO HIM?!  
  
Mia: ALEX KNOCKED HIM OUT... HE WAS GOING ON ABOUT SOME PAGAN SCIENCE THING... SOMETHING ABOUT PERIODIC TABLES!!!  
  
Garet: WEIRD  
  
Menardi: ALL RIGHT!!! ENOUGH CHIT-CHAT!!! AHEM* I WAS HOPING THEY'D GET ALL THE ELEMENTAL STARS BEFORE THEY SPOTTED US!!!  
  
Jenna: Alright, WHERE IS SHE?  
  
Mia: WHERE IS WHO?  
  
Jenna: (sees Mia... eye daggers) YOU!!!  
  
Mia: ME WHAT?!!  
  
Jenna: YOU KISSED MY ISAAC!!!  
  
Isaac: uh oh...  
  
{Jenna moves to hop across the platforms, and Menardi holds her back}  
  
Menardi: YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!!!  
  
Jenna: Ouch, Menardi... I'm standing right here...  
  
Menardi: Oh, sorry... You aren't supposed to be here...  
  
Jenna: I don't care... I'm going to kill Mia.  
  
Menardi: Well, while you are over there, can you get the elemental stars for us?  
  
{Jenna nods and hops over to where Mia and Isaac are.}  
  
Mia: (hiding behind Isaac) Isaac... save me, Isaac...  
  
Isaac: Jenna, the reviewers want mudshipping... so you have to lay off.  
  
Jenna: But it's not fair!  
  
Isaac: I know it's not fair Jenna... I love you too... (BOOS and rotten vegetables from the mudshippers... Mia slaps Isaac) but we gotta do what the REVIEWERS want...  
  
Jenna: (sniffling, tears forming) But I thought what other people think didn't matter to you...  
  
Isaac: (snorts) Are you kidding? Of COURSE it does... I'm a conceited game hero, remember?  
  
Jenna: (bites her lip, and then breaks into sobbing. She snatches the elemental stars, [Mia says: NO! THE SPARKLIES!] and runs back to Garet and Menardi, still sobbing) Fine! Stay with your #@*^&! I'm going to rule the world with Garet! (Menardi snarls; Garet blushes) Oh and Menardi too! (She charges her psynergy) ~Plasma~ (Mia's toasted)  
  
Everyone: ((o_O))  
  
Isaac: Jenna... You're SHEBA?!!  
  
Jenna: o_O... cooooool...  
  
Ivan: (wakes up) Where am I?  
  
Isaac: Sheba isn't supposed to show up till the end of the game!!  
  
PDV: Well, it just worked out this way... ^_^  
  
Menardi: WELL WHAT ARE YOU JUST STANDING AROUND FOR?!! ISAAC! MIA! GET THE LAST STAR!  
  
Isaac: AND WHY SHOULD WE DO THAT?!  
  
Menardi: (evilly) YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO YOUR FRIEND'S, DO YOU?  
  
Isaac: WHO? ALEX AND IVAN?  
  
Mia: IS THAT WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT??  
  
Menardi: YES! IF YOU WANT THEM SAFE, YOU'LL GET US THE STAR!!!  
  
Isaac: WELL, GOSH! WE DON'T CARE ABOUT THEM!!! YOU CAN HAVE THEM!  
  
Menardi: o_O  
  
Ivan: HEY!!!  
  
Menardi: (pulls out scythe) ALRIGHT.... WHAT ABOUT.... GARET?!!!!  
  
Isaac: o_O... NOOOO!! YOU CAN'T HURT GARET!!! MY BUDDY!!! MY PAL!!!  
  
Menardi: THAT'S RIGHT! BRING US THE STAR OR KISS GARET GOODBYE!!  
  
Isaac: BLAGHH!!! WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?!!!  
  
Menardi: (rolling her eyes) IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH!  
  
Isaac: OH...  
  
Garet: Umm... Menardi... This was not part of the bargain...  
  
Menardi: Shut up... He'll bring the stars.  
  
{Isaac and Mia hop to the stone in front of the center platform}  
  
Mia: (grabbing Isaac's arm) Umm... Isaac?  
  
Isaac: What is it Mia?  
  
Mia: (looking nervously at Jenna, who is glaring daggers at her) Once we get to the platform, what is our guarantee that Jenna won't ring my neck?  
  
Isaac: Good point... Hey Menardi! (Menardi turns) What's our guarantee that no harm will come to us or Garet once we give you the star?  
  
Menardi: umm... Now where's that boy?  
  
{Link, with majora's mask (which is too small for him, by the way) on, comes through the portal}  
  
Ahh. there he is. Link! Take off your mask! He will be your guarantee!  
  
{Link takes off the mask... no one gasps}  
  
Isaac: How is THAT a guarantee?  
  
Menardi: Link will make sure no harm comes to you or his sister.  
  
Mia: He's my brother? (dreamily) too bad...  
  
Isaac: Mia!  
  
Mia: (snaps out of it) sorry...  
  
Isaac: Umm... before I agree to this, I want to make sure this guy can actually stand up to you.  
  
{Link takes out his __________ (insert favorite Zelda weapon here... I'm lazy) and promptly _______(insert whatever that weapon does) Alex.}  
  
Isaac: ...Works for me.  
  
{Isaac and Mia hop to the Mars star and take it out. The water empties somewhere and the cavern becomes a blazing inferno...}  
  
Garet: *sigh* I guess this means we have to go...  
  
Ivan: NO! You can't leave with me! Jenna's supposed to leave with you!  
  
Menardi: No time to fix it... We'll switch when we rendez-vous at the Mercury light-house.  
  
Ivan: (whining) But I don't WANNA go with you...  
  
Menardi: FINE! Stay here! I don't care!  
  
Ivan: Isaac! Mia! Don't die! (Link, Garet, Menardi, Ivan, and Alex leave through the portal)  
  
Mia: Did you hear that, Isaac?  
  
Isaac: (tearing up) yeah, Mia, that was so SWEET...  
  
Mia: (tearing up too) After all we've done to him...  
  
Voice: ahem*  
  
{Mia turns around, screams horror-movie style and points. Isaac turns around, squeals and hides behind the statue}  
  
Kraden-One: Oh, come-on now, I'm not really that scary...  
  
Mia: It's Kraden's head! Only Bigger! AHHH!!!  
  
Isaac: Maybe it's like the great-and-powerful Oz... maybe it's not real...  
  
Mia: Yeah, but there was still the guy behind the curtain operating it...  
  
Isaac: (shudders) true...  
  
Mia: What is it, Kraden-One?  
  
Isaac: Kraden-One! Good one Mia!  
  
Mia: What? That's his name...  
  
Isaac: How do you know that?  
  
Mia: Well, just look at the screen!  
  
Kraden-One: Alright! That's enough! Listen... You need to go after Link and the others, rescue Ivan and Alex, and not allow them to enter and light the lighthouses and of course under a cruel twist of fate Pianobuggy put my only role in a ready-to-explode active volcano so I couldn't say anything I wanted (suddenly, out of pity, Isaac and Mia are warped out of the volcano by Pianobuggy) to say-  
  
{Out of nowhere, Saturos appears}  
  
Saturos: D@*#! Where is everybody?  
  
Kraden-One: I believe the line Garet was supposed to say was... "You're late Satur..."  
  
{Suddenly the volcano explodes and Kraden-one is rocketed out of Weyard, through the galaxy, and, through a wormhole in the space-time continuum, lands on ancient earth and destroys all the dinosaurs, thus ending any hope for a REAL Jurassic park (thanks a LOT, Kraden-One, good going...) while Saturos is... well, you'll just have to keep reading to find out what happened to him ^_^}  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
End of Chapter 4  
  
Navi: I had almost no lines in that WHOLE THING!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: -_-' uhh...  
  
Navi: You're going to pay Pianobuggy... just wait till TONIGHT!  
  
Pinobuggy: Right. A few notes.  
  
Sheba: (Alright if I just call you Sheba?) There's your cameo (in two places really... one as Jenna and one as Sheba... anyways...)  
  
Sarah: Since you didn't leave a way for me to contact you, I'm just going to respond here... I've been living in Missouri for the past 13 years, but I was born in the Twilight Zone (a.k.a. Nebraska)  
  
Please Review! 


	5. The First Djinn WHO IS NOT FLINT!

RAZAMATAZ: o_O... NOO! You can't take away IVAN!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: Relax sis... Ivan will come back... All in due time...  
  
{Gasp [Raz's muse] and Navi are somewhere in the midst of a dust cloud caused by their fighting}  
  
Pianobuggy: Anyways... The Mud-Vale-Wind count is now 3-2-1! The Vale- shippers have finally awakened from their eternal slumber!  
  
Also:  
  
HylianSage - Thanks for the review. I will read your fic ASAP. And just to ease your concern... my last element quiz is now over and I snuck into the lab this morning to take your advice... either hydrogen-burning or plutonium-burning had to be my favorite ^_^.  
  
Razamataz - Yes... I'm taking your original request and giving gasp a cameo (look above)  
  
Navi: (panting) can we get on with the chapter?  
  
Pianobuggy: (sighs) sure...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
~*~*~*~*~ Chapter 5 ~*~*~*~*~  
  
"The First Djinn... WHO IS NOT FLINT!"  
  
{Isaac, Navi, and Mia find themselves back in the sol room}  
  
Isaac: Did the Kraden-One do that?  
  
Kraden's voice: Who me?  
  
Mia: Yes you.  
  
Kraden's Voice: Couldn't be...  
  
Isaac: Well then, who did?  
  
Mia: Isaac!  
  
Isaac: What?  
  
Mia: You ruined the song!  
  
Isaac: Song? What song?  
  
Mia: Oooh... never-mind. (Starts out of the sanctum, humming "who stole the cookie from the cookie jar" [remember that song? HA HA! Now it's stuck in YOUR head too!!! Mwahahaha....])  
  
Isaac: (following her) No, really... What song?  
  
{Isaac, Mia and Navi run out of the sanctum, running from the falling debris around them. They exit the mountain, and Mia rubs the dust out of her hair, while Isaac ties his shoe. They simultaneously look up to find all of Vale standing directly in front of them, with Dora, Garet's mom, the mayor, and the Great Healer at the front}  
  
Dora: (tapping her foot) Well, I never...  
  
Isaac: uh-oh...  
  
Garet's Mom: (walks up and grabs Isaac by the ear) You have a looooot of explaining to do, mister...  
  
Isaac: Ow! Stop! I didn't DO anything! L'eggo!  
  
Dora: What were you two doing in that mountain? You know it's forbidden!  
  
Mia: No, honestly, Dora, we were hurting any-  
  
{Suddenly, half of the mountain is blown into the air by a giant explosion, lava squirts out of the top, and debris flies everywhere}  
  
Mia: o_O... uhh...  
  
Dora: (death glare) you were SAYING...  
  
Mia: Uh, me? Say something? Noooo... (glances at the stump that is now Mt. Aleph, and quickly looks at the ground, whistling)  
  
Mayor: (eyes transfixed on the mountain) I think you two need to come with us...  
  
Isaac: (eyes watering from the pain) Please... let go of my ear...  
  
Mia: (Suddenly glares at Garet's mom) Are you hurting my Isaac?!  
  
Garet's Mom: A mother's disciplinary concerns are nothing you would know about, Mia... (smiles evilly) or perhaps they are...  
  
Garet's Sister: Oohh.. Diss...  
  
Mia: O_O You did NOT just say that...  
  
Garet's Mom: (drops Isaac on the ground) So what if I did?  
  
Mia: (rolls up sleeves)  
  
Isaac: MAJOR uh oh...  
  
Navi: No, Mia! Don't-  
  
{too late... Mia casts ~volcano~ on Garet's mom, who, thanks to modern medicine of the real world, is now okay but slightly umm. tanned}  
  
Mia: Anyone ELSE want to "punish" Isaac?  
  
Everyone Else: (Furiously shaking their heads)  
  
Mia: Alright then...  
  
Great Healer: Umm, Mia?  
  
Mia: Yes?  
  
Great Healer: We still need to hear about what happened on that mountain...  
  
Mia: Oh, fine.. (Helps Isaac up and they, with Navi, the mayor, Dora, and the Great Healer enter the town sanctum)  
  
Mayor: So...  
  
Great Healer: They don't have to explain.  
  
Mayor: What?  
  
Great Healer: Well, for two reasons...  
  
Mayor: What are those?  
  
Great Healer: Well, for one, Kraden-One explained it all in my head (WHILE running from an angry wooly mammoth... what a talented guy) and two, repeating events AGAIN would only bore the readers...  
  
Mayor: Readers?  
  
Great Healer: (Winks at computer screen) Never mind...  
  
Mayor: So then, what do we do?  
  
Great Healer: We send two seventeen-year-olds on a quest that will determine the fate of our world.  
  
Mayor: o_O... Have you lost your mind?  
  
Great Healer: Nope... it's somewhere in here, I think...  
  
Mayor: You're going to send THEM to save the world? Why not one of our more able-minded (glare from Mia. Mayor shrinks back in fear) uhh. OLDER citizens to do this.  
  
Great Healer: Because video games make no sense whatsoever...  
  
Mayor: You are being awfully cryptic today Great Healer? What is this talk of "readers" and "video games"  
  
Great Healer: (shrugs) Exactly what it sounds like  
  
{After he says this, one of the healers in the room goes off to use these words as very far-off metaphors as a basis to find the meaning of life or something... but that is ANOTHER story, err... fanfic}  
  
Isaac: Cool. So when do we go?  
  
Great Healer: Umm... Isaac, where's Ivan? He needs to be here.  
  
Isaac: (shrugs) he ran off with Garet and Menardi.  
  
Great Healer: He WHAT?!!!  
  
Mia: What he said.  
  
Great Healer: Crud! This ruins everything! Alright! That's it! No waiting until tomorrow! You have to find them now! GO GO GO! (shoves them out the door and all the way to the end of town.  
  
Isaac: (outside now-closed town gates) That was weird.  
  
Mia: Really... you'd think he'd be GLAD we got rid of Ivan for him.  
  
Isaac: Oh well, I guess we'd better get going then.  
  
{Isaac and Mia start off moving south}  
  
Isaac: Venus I'm starving! Why didn't they give us FOOD before we left?  
  
Mia: I dunno... they only gave us room in our packs for clothing and weapons and stuff. We don't really get to carry food.  
  
Isaac: Well, we'd better find a town then, before I pass out.  
  
Mia: Isaac, be careful... You're starting to sound like Garet.  
  
Isaac: (shivers)  
  
{Suddenly, a little critter quickly runs across the road}  
  
Isaac: Mia! Did you see that?!! That is the yummiest looking bird I have ever SEEN!!!  
  
Navi: Oh no..  
  
Isaac: (Takes out his sword and runs after the critter) Come to me little bird! I won't hurt you!  
  
{He dashes off the path and into the woods. Mia and Navi reluctantly follow. Suddenly, Isaac stops}  
  
Isaac: I could have sworn it'd be here...  
  
{Suddenly, the critter dive-bombs Isaac from a tree. Isaac falls on the ground, unconscious.}  
  
Gasp: Whew! Am I glad he's not awake...  
  
Navi: (cock's her head) What in Nayru's name are you?  
  
Mia: Nayru?  
  
Navi: Forget it.  
  
Gasp: What? You don't recognize me? I'm a Djinn.  
  
Navi: A what?  
  
Gasp: A Djinn. I'm a little critter that makes you stronger and fights for you.  
  
Mia: (cocks eyebrow) What's the catch?  
  
Gasp: No catch! I live to serve!  
  
Mia: I don't believe you.  
  
Gasp: No! You have to believe me! I want to come with you. Let me show you how to use me and my friends.  
  
Mia: No, I really don't think it's necess-  
  
Gasp: Shut up. I'm talking. Now to use Djinni you can summon, set, blah blah blah.. Etc.etc. got it?  
  
Mia: (Sarcastically) Very thourough explanation... thanks.  
  
Navi: Geez, even I'M less confusing than that.  
  
Mia: What're you talking about, Navi? All you do is state the obvious.  
  
Navi: I do NOT. And by the way, we should probably go to a town or we'll starve.  
  
Mia: Yes... THAT'S not obvious. Just don't start repeating yourself.  
  
Navi: I won't  
  
Gasp: So can I come with you, PLEASE?  
  
Navi: I won't  
  
Mia: (Flicks Navi) Not funny... cut it out.  
  
Navi: Cut what out? I'm not doing anything...  
  
Mia: Never mind... go fly into a flying ship or something.  
  
Navi: I'm not doing anything...  
  
Mia: STOP IT!  
  
Gasp: So can I come with you, PLEASE?  
  
Mia: ARGGGH! I'm surrounded by idiots who can't do anything but repeat themselves!!!!  
  
Isaac: (waking up and rubbing his head) Welcome to the world of video games...  
  
Mia: Help me, Isaac!!! They're driving me MAD!!!!  
  
Gasp: So can I come with you, PLEASE?  
  
Mia: NOOOOO!  
  
Gasp: You're mean... I'm coming with you anyways.  
  
Mia: (Yells out her frustration and promptly burns a tree. Storms off)  
  
Isaac: (to Navi) What did you do?  
  
Navi: Nothing, nothing.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
End of Chapter 5  
  
Pianobuggy: Yeah, I know it's a short chapter... but we all have those days...  
  
Navi: or WEEKS  
  
Pianobuggy: I thought I trapped you in a microwave.  
  
Navi: I got out, and you are awfully grumpy today.  
  
Pianobuggy: Yes I am, so leave me alone or you'll get it next chapter.  
  
Navi: So what's the excuse this time?  
  
Pianobuggy: The computer deleted the folder I had chapter five in, so I had to rewrite it ALLL over again...  
  
Navi: Ouch.  
  
Pianobuggy: No kidding. Anyway, a few notes before I conclude... Please Review!  
  
I've now read ALL the authors who've reviewed me, because I'm the sweetest little girl in the world... so keep reviewing, I'll keep writing, and I'll keep reading.  
  
No personal messages for today, so LUV Y'ALL!!! 


	6. Return of the Ivan

{A room with a white-walled, empty room with the exception of a large pile of tomes and hardback books.}  
  
Voice: (Groans)  
  
{Suddenly, a small blue light fills the room as Navi enters}  
  
Navi: That's it Pianobuggy! When I find you, you are SO in for it! You haven't updated in over a week!  
  
Voice: (Groans)  
  
Navi: I know you're in here Pianobuggy! You can't hide from ME!  
  
Voice: (muffled) m nt hdn fm oo! F oo wnt m t wrt, gt m t f hr!  
  
Navi: What was that?  
  
Voice: cn't... brth...  
  
Navi: Pianobuggy... what are you doing hiding under a pile of books? That's GOT to be painful.  
  
Pianobuggy: nvi, oo diot! Gt m t f hr!  
  
Navi: Well, with THAT kind of attitude, you can just stay there!  
  
Pianobuggy: oo wdn't...  
  
Navi: I would...  
  
Pianobuggy: plees... nvi... cn't... brth...  
  
Navi: Well what do you want me to do? Move them myself?  
  
Painobuggy: dno... gt isc t d it...  
  
Navi: Isaac CAN'T do it... He's in WEYARD, remember?  
  
Pianobuggy: Wll imprvse! Oo wnt m t wrt my fc frm dwn hr?  
  
Navi: Why don't you use your mysterious author powers?  
  
Pianobuggy: mstrious thor pwrs dn't wrk n th rl wrld nvi...  
  
Navi: Fine... I'll use my mysterious "muse powers" then... (snaps her "fingers" and the pile of books disappears)  
  
Pianobuggy: (lying on the floor) Thanks Navi...  
  
Navi: No problem... What were you doing down there anyway? And why haven't you updated?  
  
Pianobuggy: Well, my professors went over the "avalanche hazard" homework limit, hence an excuse for both mishaps.  
  
Navi: I see......  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
~*~*~*~*~Chapter 6~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Return of the Ivan"  
  
{Isaac, Mia and Navi are walking/flying along the road to Vault, with Gasp annoyingly and perkily hopping alongside them}  
  
Gasp: Ooh! This is going to be so much fun! Romping around Weyard with you guys! We're gonna go EVERYWHERE together... We can camp out, and I can teach you my recipe for my world famous chili, and when we go south we can play beach volleyball, and MY! Isn't the weather nice today! Don't you think so? I think so. You know what's good? Parfaits. EVERYBODY likes parfaits (A/N: Don't sue me, PIXAR!)! An you know what...?  
  
Mia: (covering her ears) Make it stop!  
  
Isaac: Can't we put him in some sort of jar?  
  
Navi: No... you don't CARRY jars. You Golden Sun people are too GOOD for jars. You want MYTHRIL bags. BUT THAT DIDN'T WORK, DID IT?!  
  
Isaac: (trying to smother gasp with the shop n' save bag)  
  
Zombie: (In a drawling British accent) Umm... Excuse me miss...  
  
Mia: AGGH!!! (Starts bashing the zombie with a stick)  
  
Zombie: Ow... Please stop that...  
  
Isaac: Umm... Mia... I don't think it wants to hurt us...  
  
Mia: Not now, Isaac! I'm... (smack!) killing...(thonk!) this...(pow!) zombie!  
  
Zombie: (grabs stick and wrenches it out of Mia's grasp) Well, that's highly uncalled for.  
  
Isaac: What do you want?  
  
Zombie: (turns to Isaac) Well, I was sent on the account of Razamataz and Pianobuggy, who have noticed that, despite the fact that Gasp has only been present for one page of script, the whole situation has gotten highly out- of-hand.  
  
Mia: So what are you proposing we do?! We've been trying to shut this dumb thing up for half-an-hour already!  
  
Gasp: (still babbling to no one in particular)  
  
Zombie: Well, you certainly have a good arm... You could have hit it with that stick instead of me.  
  
Mia: Good point. (promptly knocks Gasp unconscious)  
  
Zombie: Well, now that I can hear myself think... Did you know that you don't have to keep Gasp out like that?  
  
Gasp: Look at all the pretty birds...  
  
Mia: GAH! I thought I knocked you out!  
  
Gasp: No... You can't shut me out.  
  
Mia: (ignoring Gasp) What do you mean we don't have to keep her out?  
  
Zombie: Well, NORMALLY when you catch a Djinni, they dissolve into a tiny form that you can fit in your pack and is conveniently SO small that you can't hear them.  
  
{Mia and Isaac glare at Gasp while she looks guilty}  
  
Mia: (Holding stick up with a manic look on her face) Convenient how you left that information out, GASP...  
  
Gasp: (Looking at the stick fearfully) uh oh... (shoots up into the air and dissolves into Isaac's pack)  
  
Mia: I'm going to kill it, Isaac. Next time it comes out of that pack I'll kill it.  
  
Isaac: (pats Mia on the shoulder nervously) That's very nice Mia... you go ahead and take out your aggressions ALLLLL you want...........just not on me.  
  
Mia: (cocks her head)  
  
Zombie: Anyways, now that I've delivered my message, I'm supposed to fulfill one more purpose.  
  
Mia: Whazzat?  
  
Zombie: (coughs into fist) Well, I'm kind of supposed to kill you now.  
  
Isaac: Mia...  
  
Mia: Yes, Isaac?  
  
Isaac: Now would be a good time to use the stick.  
  
Mia: Righto... (Mia advances on the zombie, and we cut to a few minutes later... for the sake of all you squeamish people out there.)  
  
Isaac: Y'know, Mia... I'm still hungry, and I think this constant being knocked unconscious is getting to be hazardous to our health... I mean, it can't be good for us, and if I don't get some food soon, I'm not going to be ANY better "getting along" with people... I think Pianobuggy's got a seriously twisted mentality if she thinks starving us is going to make us any less cranky. I'm feeling cranky... I think I'll burn something...  
  
Mia: Look Isaac! A town up ahead!  
  
Isaac: Oh goody! Food! (Runs enthusiastically for the town, and is nearly run over by a fleet of covered wagons)  
  
Mia: (Running over) Isaac! Be careful! (Glares at the covered wagons) Try to run over MY Isaac! I'LL SHOW YOU!  
  
Navi: o_O... Isaac... Covered wagons burn, don't they?  
  
Isaac: Yes, they do, Navi...  
  
{Suddenly, the back covered wagon explodes into a pile of ashes. Yet luckily, no one was hurt... except maybe the little bugs feasting on Hammet's food, who shouldn't have been there ANYWAY if they no what's good for them. YOU HEAR THAT AL YOU BUGS OUT THERE?! DON'T MESS WITH OUR FOOD!!! (grumbles) Stupid family picnics with the flies and the bees and what have you... I'll show those little buggers who's boss...}  
  
ANYWAYS...  
  
Mia: Good riddance... Come on Isaac, let's go.  
  
Isaac: (looking at what WAS the covered wagon) right...  
  
{Mia and Isaac enter Vault. A cute little Maltese is sitting adorably in the middle of a graveyard (I don't know why, don't ask me... What kind of dog would chew on HUMAN bones is a mystery to me... go ask those sick Nintendo/Camelot people.) Some people are going about their everyday business, there's a ladder going up to a roof some guy is fixing, a suspicious and dark character is standing on a hilltop, and a little bakery shop is situated directly at the town entrance}  
  
Isaac: FOOD! (runs to the bakery shop, and to the counter) I want five bear-claws, 3 long johns with red and yellow sprinkles, and cinnamon bagels, and 2 muffins, and...  
  
Baker: err... sir?  
  
Isaac: And some asiagos, and 3 dozen donut holes...  
  
Baker: Sir, I...  
  
Isaac: And four double chocolate donuts, and...  
  
Baker: WILL YOU SHUT UP?!!!  
  
Isaac: (shocked) You know, mister, you should be more polite to your customer's or you ain't gonna have any.  
  
Baker: Well that wouldn't matter, would it? I don't have any produce! No flour, no donuts, y'hear?  
  
Isaac: (softly) no... donuts...?  
  
Baker: No donuts.  
  
Isaac: (frantically grabs baker by the shoulders) Why aren't there donuts?  
  
Baker: Sir, could you get your hands...  
  
Isaac: I SAID WHY AREN'T THERE DONUTS?!! I'VE BEEN WALKING ALL DAY WITH AN ANNOYINGLY LOUD AND THOROUGHLY OBNOXIOUS OVER-SIZED PURPLE PIGEON AND AN ILL-TEMPORED BLUE HAIRED MANIAC (whom I adore beyond measure... because the mud-shippers are still winning), HAD TO CONTEND WITH AN ALL-POWERFUL, PURELY EVIL AUTHORESS, BEEN ATTACKED BY ZOMBIES AND ON TOP OF IT ALL, BEEN CHARGED WITH THE FATE OF THE WORLD. . . . . AGAIN!!! I'M HUNGRY AND CRANKY AND WANT TO KNOW WHY THERE ARE NO DONUTS!!!  
  
Baker: They were stolen.  
  
Isaac: They were WHAT?!! Who would steal my donuts?!  
  
Baker: (frusterated) I don't know! That's what everyone in town is TRYING to figure out! Where have you been?  
  
Isaac: Happy in rural Missouri... and if you don't want me to show you what you're donuts have felt like in that oven of yours all these years... you'd better make something for me FAST!  
  
Mia: (Walks in to the sound of a bell) Well isn't this a pleasant place...? (Turns to see Isaac with a sword pointed at the baker, who is slaving over some dough and a rolling pin) uh... Isaac?  
  
Isaac: (Ignoring Mia) Faster! Faster!  
  
Mia: I'll just... wait for you outside... (backs out the door)  
  
{An hour later, a better-fed and less cranky Isaac and a well-groomed and pampered Mia, who spent HER hour at the beauty salon next door (A/N: What can I say? I wasn't feeling as evil today... You can't honestly say they don't deserve a break... [voice lowers to a whisper] Besides... they were starting to crack) start walking around town, and realize that everyone in town has fallen victim to the thieves, and that there is a young boy in town who has strange magical powers who lost his master's rod... They go to the mayor's house to investigate.}  
  
Isaac: (Knocks on the door) Is anybody there? (No one answers, so he shrugs at Mia and opens the door. They walk in to the mayor's house, where no one is to be heard or seen.)  
  
Navi: This is creepy... Is it supposed to be like this?  
  
Mia: No... Ivan's supposed to be here...  
  
Isaac: Yeah, but where is he?  
  
{a soft noise is heard}  
  
Mia: What was that?  
  
Isaac: I dunno...  
  
Mia: Isaac, this is weird... perhaps we should go...  
  
{Suddenly, the door slams behind them, and they spin around to see...}  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
CLIFFHANGER!!!!  
  
Navi: No. You're not allowed.  
  
Pianobuggy: (Whining) Why?  
  
Navi: Because I can bring those books back whenever I want.  
  
Pianobuggy: o_O... Good point.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{Suddenly, the door slams behind them, and they spin around to see...}  
  
Garet: (holding a tied up and duct-taped Ivan) We're BA-ACK!  
  
Isaac: What are you doing here?  
  
Menardi: This little brat was getting too annoying, so we brought him back...  
  
Isaac: No, that's okay, you can have him.  
  
Alex: Oh, but you need him to progress through the quest... we're GIVING him to you.  
  
Mia: No, really. We're fine without him.  
  
Ivan: Mmm! Mm Mm M M M!  
  
Garet: (rolling his eyes) Yes, we KNOW Ivan...one-hundred and EIGHTEEN elements, not four. (turns to Isaac) PLEASE take him! I'm begging you!  
  
Isaac: Welllllllll... if it'll make YOU feel better...  
  
Mia: What about ME Isaac?!  
  
Isaac: Oh... well...  
  
Saturos: That won't be a problem... Mia's coming with us, like she's SUPPOSED to.  
  
Mia: o_O  
  
Isaac: (astounded) You can't separate Mia and me!  
  
Menardi: Watch us, dirt boy. (grabs Mia's arm)  
  
Isaac: Just try it, you hot-head. (Grabs Mia's other arm)  
  
Menardi: That's it, we're outta here.  
  
{Menardi and Isaac start pulling on Mia. Link, who is nearby, is reading a book. Alex and Saturos are helping Menardi, and Garet is playing mediator, trying to be diplomatic... which isn't working}  
  
Mia: Ow! You're hurting me!  
  
Link: (boldly) You can't hurt my sister! (pulls out a slingshot, despite game-rules, and hits Menardi and Isaac both on the head. Both turn and stare evilly at him) Naver mind.  
  
Alex: That's enough! Why am I standing around here? (Casts ~Glacier~ and Isaac is frozen solid)  
  
Ivan: Mmm! Mmm MmMm M M MmMm!  
  
Alex: (rolls his eyes) Yes I KNOW I'm SUPPOSED to be Kraden, but do you really think I care? C'mon Mia!  
  
Mia: (melting Isaac)  
  
Menardi: C'mon Mia. Let's go!  
  
Mia: I won't leave my Isaac.  
  
Alex: An what are you going to do about it? YOU'RE outnumbered.  
  
Mia: Not really. Kraden doesn't have psynergy, Link is from a whole different GAME, and I've got Ivan... We're two-on-three.  
  
Link: Wait... I have psynergy? (Casts ~Ragnarok~ on Mia, which knocks her out. Gets a manic grin) coooooooooooooooooooooooool........  
  
Menardi: All right, let's go.  
  
{Menardi, Garet, Link, and Alex carry Mia out the door. Ivan is still tied up, and Isaac is still thawing... Several hours later, Isaac is unfrozen}  
  
Isaac: Where did Mia go? Ivan? Where did they go?  
  
Ivan: Mm Mmm MmMm M  
  
Isaac: Oh, I know I'm going to regret this... (pulls the duct-tape off of Ivan's mouth)  
  
Ivan: Ow! Geez, you didn't have to pull so HARD!  
  
Isaac: Shut up, Ivan. Where's Mia?  
  
Ivan: ...  
  
Isaac: I asked you a QUESTION!  
  
Ivan: You also told me to shut up...  
  
Isaac: SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU EVER LISTENED TO ME WHEN I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP?!!  
  
Ivan: (smirking) Since it annoys you.  
  
Isaac: ~Volcano~  
  
Ivan: Ow... ~Cure~ Well at least you got those ropes off. Y'know... you have some mean friends.  
  
Isaac: I have some incredibly irritating ones too...  
  
Ivan: Anyway, MY guess is that they went to Mercury lighthouse, so if you want Mia back, you'll have to do like we're SUPPOSED to and find me and head there.  
  
Isaac: Well, you're obviously not HERE... so what do we do?  
  
Ivan: (smirking) have you looked around?  
  
Isaac: No  
  
Ivan: Walks over the cabinet and opens it. Inside is a tied up and crying Felix.  
  
Isaac: o_O Felix?  
  
Ivan: (snickering) Oh, Feeeeeelix... Come OUT Felix.  
  
Felix: (furiously shaking his head)  
  
Ivan: Aww... did the scary people FRIGHTEN you fewix? Or is there ANOTHER reason why you say boo-hoo?  
  
Isaac: (Comfuzzled) Felix? Why are you tied up?  
  
Ivan: Menardi, Saturos, and Alex didn't want him warning you they were coming. They're villains. They think differently (twirls his finger by his ear). C'mon Fewix-Wewix, show Isaac why you're crying wike a wittle baby.  
  
Isaac: Ivan, cut it out.  
  
Felix: I'm not coming out.  
  
Isaac: C'mon Felix, we need you to finish this.  
  
Felix: No.  
  
Isaac: Felix...  
  
Felix: BUT I'M LITTLE!!!!  
  
Isaac: (taken aback) Ah..... well..... We ALL feel that way sometimes Felix-  
  
Felix: No! I mean... sniffle* I'm... I'm... SHORT!  
  
Ivan: mwahahahaheeheeheeheehee...  
  
Isaac: Okay... DON'T laugh like that again... that's too freaky.  
  
Ivan: Aww... Okaaaaaay. (grumbles) I never have any fun.  
  
Isaac: (Ignoring Ivan) Felix, you have to come out, or you'll be short forever. Now, come on. It can't be THAT bad...  
  
{Felix steps out of the cupboard and stands to his full height of... three feet.}  
  
Isaac: (sniggers)  
  
Ivan: (Points at Isaac) See?!! I TOLD you it was funny! He's shorter than I was!  
  
Isaac: Shut up Ivan. Felix... I'm not laughing AT you... I'm laughing WITH you...  
  
Felix: I'm not laughing...  
  
Isaac: Ahem... Never mind. Let's go catch the people who stole your rod.  
  
{Isaac, Navi, Ivan, and Felix walk/fly around town, reading people's minds and freaking people out. They aren't finding anyone and the sun is setting on the western horizon.}  
  
Felix: Guys, I don't know about you, but I'm ready to turn in.  
  
Ivan: But we CAN'T turn in. We have to find the people who stole Master Hammet's rod!  
  
Felix: I don't care about stupid-old-Master-Hammet! You can find his rod for all I care!  
  
Ivan: (dart-eyes) Did you just insult Master Hammet?  
  
Felix: So what if I did? (Stands up as tall as he can in front of Ivan... which isn't much)  
  
Isaac: (Getting between them) C'mon guys... let's not do anything we'd regret...  
  
Ivan: Who said anything about regret?  
  
Isaac: Ivan, we're all tired and Felix is probably out of psynergy anyway. The thieves will still be here tomorrow and I think we could all use some rest. Let's go to the inn.  
  
{They proceed to the inn, which is apparently empty}  
  
Isaac: Gah! Not this again! (Rings bell on the desk)  
  
{The innkeeper runs down the stairs with two large empty trays}  
  
Isaac: Excuse me sir? We'd like a room tonight.  
  
Innkeeper: I'm sorry, but my room is full. Come back some other time. I'm busy... (runs across the room to grab two more large trays, these full of food, and runs back up the stairs)  
  
Ivan: Well, that was rude.  
  
{a minute later, the innkeeper is running down the stairs with more empty trays}  
  
Innkeeper: (seeing the boys/fairy still there) I thought I told you to beat it.  
  
Isaac: Well, frankly we're not too satisfied with how business is run in this town. Can't you stop whatever you're doing for two seconds and pay attention?  
  
Innkeeper: (looks nervously at the stairs) Well... I suppose TWO seconds wouldn't hurt... but make it quick.  
  
Isaac: Well, first of all, what kind of an idiotic hotel only has one room?  
  
Innkeeper: Look, boys, I really don't have time for this...  
  
Felix: What could be so important that you can't answer our questions?  
  
Innkeeper: Well, these guests I have right now... They've constantly got me busy with room service... I wouldn't be surprised if they could eat all the contents of the bakery shop in one sitting! Not that there's anything IN the bakery shop anymore, but I'll bet if they went in there BEFORE the thieves came...  
  
Isaac: (smacks himself in the forehead) Of COURSE! Guys, it's them! In the Inn!  
  
Ivan: What are you talking about, Isaac?  
  
Isaac: Elementary, my dear Ivan... Come on! Upstairs!  
  
{Isaac, Ivan, Felix, and Navi walk/fly up the stairs. Once upstairs, they peek around the corner at the two strange characters in the room, who are shoveling down food in obvious bliss}  
  
Isaac: (Whispering) I new that a few thieves couldn't POSSIBLY have use for the entire contents of the bakery shop, so when I heard the innkeeper telling us that these people were constantly eating, I knew it HAD to be them.  
  
Ivan: That... and they're the only people in town who we haven't read their minds. Tell me again why we bothered talking to the dog, Felix?  
  
Felix: (tearing up in nostalgia) I thought he might have been my Rover.  
  
Ivan: (raises an eyebrow at Isaac)  
  
Isaac: Felix lost his dog a long time ago.  
  
Ivan: I see...  
  
Felix: Rover! Where have you gone?! What ill fate has bequeathed you?!  
  
Isaac: (covers Felix's mouth) Quiet Felix! They'll hear you!  
  
{The thieves are shoveling food down, just as before.}  
  
Ivan: So what do we do now?  
  
Felix: We go read their minds of course.  
  
Isaac: Do we really need to? I mean, we know it's them...  
  
Ivan: But we don't know where they've hidden the goods.  
  
Isaac: True.  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, Felix, and Navi round the corner, to find that the thieves haven't even noticed them.}  
  
Ivan: (Waving his hand in front of one of their faces) This is weird. What do you make of it, Felix?  
  
Felix: (Making funny faces at the other thief)  
  
Isaac: (Whaps Felix on the back of the head) Quit acting like Ivan, Felix.  
  
Ivan: Hey!  
  
Navi: Felix, can you get this over with?  
  
Felix: (touches one of the thieves on the arm, and closes his eyes in concentration) Ohmmmmmmmmmm.... Ohmmmmmmmmmmmm...  
  
Isaac: (Smacks Felix again) Felix! You aren't meditating!  
  
Felix: Oh, right... Sorry.  
  
Ivan: Well... What did you get?  
  
Felix: Thoughts of hunger mostly... I think we're on our own on this one.  
  
Isaac: Hmmm... If I were donuts, where would I hide?.......................The roof!  
  
Ivan: The roof?  
  
Isaac: (shrugs) That's where they are.  
  
Ivan: True.  
  
{They leave the inn, only to see an angry mob with torches and pitchforks}  
  
Mob Member 1: It's them! Get them!  
  
{Four mob members approach and pull Felix, Ivan, and Isaac's arms behind their backs. Another approaches Navi with a glass jar}  
  
Navi: o_O No! Not the jar...!  
  
{The Fourth mob member catches Navi and stuffs her in the jar and holds it}  
  
Mayor: (Making his way through the mob) So these are the travelers who are causing all the trouble?  
  
Mob Member 2: Yeah! That's them! Those are the weirdo's!  
  
Lady Mob Member 3: They scared my children!  
  
Mob Member 4: They spooked my dog!  
  
Ivan: (glares at Felix)  
  
Mob Member 5: That one with the brown hair was acting weird!  
  
Mob Member 6: The glowing tennis ball hurt my eyes!  
  
Mayor: (turns to our heroes) What do you have to say for yourselves?  
  
Ivan: It wasn't us?  
  
Mayor: And who do you propose it was?  
  
Ivan: Umm... our evil twins?  
  
Mob Member 7: I say we quit the boo-hah and BURN THEM!  
  
Ivan, Isaac, and Felix: (eyes widen)  
  
Isaac: You don't want to do that...  
  
Mayor: And why not?  
  
Ivan: Because... Because... we're very important people.  
  
Mayor: (smirks slyly) Oh, you are, are you?  
  
Ivan: Yes, we are... Because... Because we know people in high places!  
  
Felix: We do?  
  
Ivan: (steps on Felix's foot)  
  
Felix: (light bulb) Oh! Right! We do!  
  
Ivan: That's right. And if you kill us now, a terrible retribution will be your consequence.  
  
Mob Member 4: Cowpoop! Let's kill them!  
  
{ground starts to shake}  
  
Ivan: Oh no... you've done it now... You've angered our friends in high places.  
  
Mayor: (scared) what can we do?  
  
Ivan: Oh, I don't know if you can make amends now... You DID threaten to kill us...  
  
Mayor: Please, kind sir! I beg your forgiveness!  
  
Ivan: Well, maybe...  
  
Mayor: Please! I implore you!  
  
Ivan: I suppose, if you let us go, MAYBE they'll forgive you.  
  
Mayor: Yes! Anything!  
  
Ivan: (as ground stops shaking) Well okey-dokey then. (Mob members let go of Ivan, Isaac, and Felix, and Ivan grabs Navi's jar and unscrews it.) We'll be on our way now. (the crowd fearfully parts and the company climb/fly up the ladder, move the box, and walk into the alcove to find...)  
  
Isaac: Donuts!  
  
Ivan: Master Hammett's rod!  
  
Felix: ...  
  
Voice: Hey! What are you doing in here?  
  
{Isaac, Ivan, Felix, and Navi turn around}  
  
Thief 1: I said, what are you doing in here?  
  
Isaac: What're you doing here?  
  
Thief 2: Well, that oaf of an innkeeper ran out of food, so we came to eat from our own stash.  
  
Ivan: So you're the thieves!  
  
Thief 3: Well, duh. Did you expect us traveling shady-characters NOT to be the thieves? You're denser than you look, if that's possible.  
  
Ivan: (turning red) Take that back.  
  
Thief 3: I don't think so.  
  
Ivan: I'm warning you...  
  
Thief 3: What are you going to do? File a law suit?  
  
Ivan: That WOULD be a good idea... but jail is too good for the likes of you... I'M GONNA...  
  
Felix: (Covering Ivan's mouth, which is a feat because he can barely reach) Might I offer a diplomatic solution?  
  
Thief 2: (to Thief 1) All right, fork over the cash... I told you the midget can talk.  
  
Felix: You guys are mean.  
  
Thief 1: What's it to you?  
  
Felix: Ivan, you're right... let kill 'em.  
  
Isaac: No! Ivan, Felix! Control you're temprs!  
  
Ivan: ~Ragnarok~  
  
Felix: ~Shine Plasma~  
  
Thief 1: Ow...  
  
Thief 2: x_x  
  
Thief 3: x_x  
  
Ivan: Do you concede now?  
  
Thief 1: Okay, we'll go to jail... just... don't hurt me...  
  
Ivan: I think our work here is done. (Sticks his head out the window) Yo! Everyone! I got you're thieves in here!  
  
{A few minutes later}  
  
Mayor: Thank you for saving the menace from our humble town... we cannot offer you more than our gratitude. Oh and by the way, Master Hammett has been imprisoned in Lunpa.  
  
Felix: o_O... Master Hammett...? Lunpa...?  
  
Ivan: (eyes bug out) What?!! After ALL that work? No presents?  
  
Isaac: Ivan... game heroes don't ask for presents... they are given them, and they're never anything fun anyway, so shut your mouth.  
  
Ivan: Fine.  
  
Mayor: The people of vault thank you again. Take them away boys!  
  
{Three policemen in well-pressed uniforms take the thieves out the door, down the ladder, and into a parade line of police cars, where they drive the full 40 feet to the jail, escort the prisoners out, and into separate jail cells, which just HAPPEN to be the exact same number of people they arrested. (I wonder what would happen if some traveler decides to be a thief and they catch him... would they build a new jail cell? It's a thought...)}  
  
Felix: Thanks for you're help Isaac... I couldn't have found the thieves without you.  
  
Isaac: No problemo.  
  
Ivan: Hey! What about me?! If it weren't for me, you'd all be little grey crispies by now!  
  
Felix: (ignoring Ivan, speaking somberly) Anyway, I must save Master Hammett now, and I couldn't ask you to come with me, because your quest is too important... but maybe our paths will cross again some day.  
  
Isaac: Sure.. Bye Felix!  
  
Felix: (walks out the door) Tootles!  
  
Ivan: (Calling after Felix) Hey! I helped too! You hear me?! I HELPED TOO!!!  
  
Navi: big... open... spaces... big... open... spaces...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
End of Chapter 6  
  
Pianobuggy: Hey, Navi... Maybe you need a break. I'm concerned about your health.  
  
Navi: big... open... spaces...  
  
Pianobuggy: Riiiiiighht... Why don't you take a vacation, Navi? Ivan and the others can look after themselves.  
  
Navi: Umm... vacation... good idea... vacation good thing... yeah...  
  
Pianobuggy: o_O Wow... Poor thing...  
  
Anyways, I would like to congratulate myself for only intervening in the chapter one time! It looks like our GS characters are learning to behave!  
  
A few personal notes:  
  
Katsuhari - Glad I'm inspirational... You might even want to consider hiring the zora band (I forgot what it's called) from Majora's Mask... Their lead guitarist isn't too lively (ooh. bad pun) but the rest of the band is good. ^_^  
  
VanillaCat - Yes I know there is some Zelda in there, but, in my defense, consider this... 1) Kaepora was a temporary pun. and he's out now. 2) Navi's getting a couple chapter's off... that glass jar was a weeeeee bit much for her. 3) I can't let these GS people roam around Weyard unsupervised! You've seen the damage they can do! 4) Try switching the characters yourself... would you rather have Felix played by Link or the Wise One? 5) If you read my reviews, you'll realize that I couldn't remove the Zelda even if I wanted to... Zelda the 7th sage and hylian sage would probably send their hit-men after me... or at least their muses. Thanks for reviewing, though, and I will read your fics soon.  
  
All those poor souls who now have the cookie-jar song stuck in their heads - Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb! Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as snow!  
  
Have a good day everyone and please review! 


	7. Of Mice and Adepts

Navi: (In a lounge chair, drinking a smoothie, under an umbrella in Kokiri forest) Now this is much better...  
  
Pianobuggy: (Walking up to the chair, holding a pile of receipts) Good Lord, Navi! Look at these vacation bills you've run up! The plane ride here alone cost 8,000 dollars!  
  
Navi: (Pulls out a pair of sunglasses) ahhhh... but it was worth it...  
  
Pianobuggy: Well, I certainly hope you're helping me pay for this.  
  
Navi: (Tosses a bottle of sun-block at Pianobuggy) Oh, come on Pianobuggy! Enjoy the sun! The fresh air! The pretty floaty things! The strange green- haired little children that sit and stare at you ALLL day!  
  
Pianobuggy: (eyeing Kokiri nervously) Yeah... they're just wonderful, Navi... But listen... we've still got a golden sun fic to finish before I move on to Zelda, and...  
  
Navi: Well, what are you waiting for? You don't need ME.  
  
Pianobuggy: o_O... uh, Navi... You're my muse...  
  
Navi: So? You can work that pretty little keyboard of yours without me, and besides... you promised me a break.  
  
Pianobuggy: Well... uh... okay then...  
  
Navi: Ta-ta, darling! (Pulls out the October issue of "Teen Hylians" and immerses herself in the magazine)  
  
Pianobuggy: (rolls her eyes) Well, I'm outta here. (Suddenly a luxury helicopter sends a ladder rope down and Pianobuggy climbs up to go home)  
  
(A/N: Hey... leave me alone. It's MY fic and I want a luxury helicopter, I'm going to have a @#%$ helicopter. So there)  
  
Disclaimer (I forgot about these): I DO own Golden Sun AND Zelda  
  
Disclaimer following the disclaimer: Just kidding.  
  
Post-Disclaimer following the disclaimer: No, really, I DON'T own either one.  
  
Post-Post Disclaimer following the disclaimer: Don't look at me like that! I really don't!  
  
Disclaimer following the Post-Post-disclaimer following the disclaimer: What?! Do I look like I own game franchises?  
  
Disclaimer foll...  
  
Navi: ENOUGH ALREADY!  
  
Pianobuggy: Right... The Mia/Jenna battle is still raging... We've got as of today 6 mudshippers, 3 valeshippers, and surprisingly one windshipper.  
  
On with the fic...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
~*~*~*~*~Chapter 7~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Of Mice and Adepts"  
  
(I know it has nothing to do with Golden Sun... but after rereading the chapter, it only seemed appropriate)  
  
{Ivan and Isaac, alone once again (well... except maybe for Gasp... but you get the idea) have just left Vault}  
  
Ivan: So what now Isaac?  
  
Isaac: I dunno... You're supposed to be the "leader" here.  
  
Ivan: Hey, I'd like to see YOU try this job.  
  
Isaac: (stops walking to stare at Ivan)  
  
Ivan: What?!  
  
Isaac: Think about what you just said.  
  
Ivan: (Cocks his head and thinks for about 15 minutes)  
  
Isaac: Okay, Ivan! If you haven't figured it out by now just forget about it!  
  
Ivan: Wait...  
  
Isaac: Finally!  
  
Ivan: What was I figuring out again?  
  
Isaac: (throws his arms up in frustration) GAH!  
  
Ivan: Just you wait... I'll figure it out...  
  
{Just then a strange rat creature with what looks like goggles you would wear with those open-cockpit airplanes attacks Ivan}  
  
Ivan: AIEE! RAT!! OFF! OFF!  
  
Isaac: (giggling)  
  
Ivan: DIE YOU INFERNAL CREATURE! ~Quake~  
  
{The rat thing makes a climatic scream like all game enemies do when they die, and disappears into a crack in the ground}  
  
Ivan: Aggh... that was traumatic...  
  
Isaac: I think it liked you, Ivan.  
  
Voice: (In a cute little southern-belle accent) Stewart! Stewart, where are you?!  
  
{Ivan and Isaac freeze and slowly turn around to see a cute little she-rat with a purse standing there, Ivan tries to kill it, but Isaac holds him back}  
  
She-rat: Kind sirs, have you seen my little Stewart? Stewart Little's his name. He went by this way a little while ago. He's awfully fond of little boys like you, he might have said hello.  
  
Ivan: o_O  
  
Isaac: (eyes tearing up)  
  
She-rat: Well? Have you seen him?  
  
Ivan: uh...  
  
Isaac: Well, uh...  
  
Ivan: (Stepping on the crack in the ground) No we haven't seen him at all... perhaps you should look... uh... (looks around and points in a random direction) THAT WAY!  
  
Squeaky Voice: (muffled) Muffy? Muffy Little? Is that you?  
  
She-rat: Oh Stewart! You're here! (Looks confused all of a sudden) Where are you exactly?  
  
Stewart: I'm over here, in this crack in the ground!  
  
Muffy: (runs over to crack) Good Lord Stewart! What in heaven's name are you doing in there?  
  
Stewart: Muffy, I came up to these idiots five minutes ago, all civilized- like to say hi, and they stuck me in the ground!  
  
Muffy: (eyes narrow, eyes Ivan and Isaac) They WHAT?  
  
Stewart: I'm telling the truth! I was looking for my little toy convertible to drive in, and they attacked me!  
  
Muffy: (Steam coming out of ears)  
  
Ivan: (staring at Muffy) Isaac, methinks we are in trouble.  
  
Isaac: Methinks I agree with you.  
  
Ivan: I'd say running FAR away would be a good idea right now.  
  
Isaac: Indubitably.  
  
{Ivan and Isaac hightail it away from the manic rats and find themselves at the entrance to a cave by a waterfall. In front of the entrance, blocking their way, is a tree trunk covered in leaves.}  
  
Isaac: Well Ivan, aren't you going to move it?  
  
Ivan: I can't! There's ivy covering the trunk!  
  
Isaac: You mean to tell me that you can uproot an entire TREE with your psynergy, but you can't brush aside a couple of LEAVES?!  
  
Ivan: C'est la vie, Isaac.  
  
Isaac: C'est le jeu vidéo is more like it. (A/N: So you don't speak French, eh? You lazy people... YOU'RE ON THE INTERNET! GO LOOK IT UP!)  
  
Felix: Yo.  
  
Ivan: ?  
  
Isaac: Yo?  
  
Felix: Oh, FINE! Since we're all so polite in this game... (in a mocking voice, using his fingers as quotation marks) hellooo... so pleased to see you agaaain.  
  
Ivan: Well, you don't have to be RUDE about it...  
  
Isaac: Yeah, Felix... pick on somebody your OWN size. (groan... BAD joke)  
  
Felix: (folding his arms) Do you want me to move the plants or not?  
  
Ivan: (sigh) Go ahead.  
  
Felix: (Pleased with himself) Alrighty then. (rolls up his sleeves) ~Whirlwind~ (When the ivy is blown away to go join the holly and become full grown [A/N: Haha... I think I'll get an annoying song stuck in your head EVERY CHAPTER! I'm so evil... and even better... for all you new readers, you'll have them all in your head AT ONCE! Mwahahahaha...] Felix does a victory dance and bows to Ivan and Isaac) Thank you. Thank you. It was nothing really... No, really... no need for flowers.  
  
Ivan and Isaac: (raise eyebrows)  
  
Isaac: Felix... It really wasn't THAT impressive...  
  
Felix: What do you mean? Of course it was... I'd like to see YOU try it.  
  
Ivan: He's got a point there, Isaac.  
  
Isaac: Whatever, let's get going.  
  
{After fighting a bunch of ugly monsters, getting cave slime all over them, and catching Flint, the amazing Venus Djinn, Isaac, Felix, and Ivan find their way out of the annoying cave}  
  
Ivan: Oh thank Jupiter! There's a TOWN up ahead!  
  
Isaac: I thought I'd never see the light AGAIN!  
  
Felix: I'm hungry.  
  
Ivan: Yeah, and we have to see your face everyday for the rest of our adventures, and you don't see US complaining.  
  
Felix: Why you little... (Goes after Ivan, but Isaac holds him back)  
  
Isaac: C'mon guys... we earned a break... MAYBE if we're REALLY good, we won't have to have that nazi... er... NAVI fairy with us anymore.  
  
Felix: Good point. You're right as USUAL Isaac...  
  
Isaac: Of course I am... Now let's get into town before we get attacked by Mickey Mouse or something...  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, and Felix enter Bilibin, to find a little wooden kid with a tube for a mouth and a green hat running in circles}  
  
Felix: (Jumps into Isaac's arms) AIEE!!! The Tree was right! Everything's turned into monsters!  
  
Ivan: What tree?  
  
Felix: (shrugs) I read ahead.  
  
Isaac: Cant... hold... incredible... weight... much longer... (collapses under Felix) Ow... why does this always happen to me?  
  
Little (Zelda fans guessed it) Cursed Deku-Scrub-Link (LCL): Help me misters! I'm being turned into a tree!  
  
Ivan: (ruffles LCL's hair [A/N: wait... I forgot... does he have hair?]) Hey... this little guy's kinda cute.  
  
LCL: I don't see what's so cute about it! You're going to meet the same fate if you don't help us!  
  
Ivan: (leaning down) Okay kid, what can we do for you?  
  
LCL: You have to shoot the guy with the funny mask and then... er... I mean... You have to break the curse of the forest.  
  
Ivan: What curse of the forest? Have you been making up stories?  
  
LCL: (wide-eyed) Are you an idiot?  
  
Isaac: (getting up and brushing his knees off) Yes he is. Now what is this curse you speak of?  
  
LCL: The King of Bilibin was chopping down all the trees of the forest to build a bigger palace for his mistress, and I dunno, for some reason people started turning into trees.  
  
Felix: (sarcastically) Imagine that.  
  
Isaac: Well why should we help you! You brought this upon yourselves! C'mon Ivan, Felix, we've got better things to do!  
  
Felix: Like eat?  
  
Isaac: (looks at readers) No, Felix... to take over... er... I mean SAVE. To SAVE the world. (starts walking away) Right... that's it.. SAVE the world. (A/N: This fic is bring back WAY too many suppressed childhood memories for some reason... Mary Had a Little Lamb, the cookie jar song, little various mouse cartoons...)  
  
LCL: WAIT!!! There's TREASURE involved!!!  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, and Felix whip around}  
  
Ivan: Did you say... TREASURE??  
  
LCL: (nodding enthusiastically)  
  
Ivan: Well why didn't you SAY so?!  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, and Felix walk to the palace, where they are introduced by the guard to the King of Scotland... er... Bilibin}  
  
King of Bilibin (KOB): So I want yeh to go to the forest and... hold it...  
  
Ivan: What?  
  
KOB: You, laddies, are weeeeeeeeeeeee (holds up his hand to Felix's head level) little children.  
  
Felix: THAT'S IT!!! I'M TIRED OF THE PUNS!!! IT'S JUST "SHRIMP" THIS AND "WEE LITTLE" THAT!!! VENUS HAVE MERCY!!! (Starts bawling)  
  
KOB: (raises eyebrow) Yeh see me point?  
  
Ivan: Well what if HE doesn't go along? THEN can we go?  
  
KOB: No. I expressly forbid it.  
  
Isaac: Just one question first.. One that's been burning in my mind ever since I got here...  
  
KOB: Wha'ssat?  
  
Isaac: Why does a town as small as Bilibin need a KING? King's rule COUNTRIES, not towns... are you sure you're not breaking any title rules?  
  
KOB: Look, if you think insulting me is going to get me to send yeh to your dooms, it ain't gonna work...  
  
Ivan: (whining and stamping his feet in child-like frustration) Why can't we goooooo? We've got POOOWWWERS.  
  
KOB: Sure yeh do (makes an obvious gesture at the guard to "kill" the situation) and I'm sure they're just WONDERFUL powers too... ah, look at the time! (Ivan, Isaac, and Felix are being dragged out of the castle)  
  
{The boys are thrown out of the palace and on their butts}  
  
Isaac: Well, he certainly is a hospitable king.  
  
Ivan: (dusting himself off angrily) That's it... I'll get him back... I'll save his sorry @$$  
  
Felix: NOOOOO!!! (claps his hand on Ivan's mouth)  
  
Ivan: (pushes Felix away) Gahh! Felix! Quit that! You're too late anyway.  
  
Isaac: So we ARE going to the forest?  
  
Ivan: We'll sure as %@## try.  
  
Felix: (cringes)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
{Scene is on top of the Mercury lighthouse. Alex and Saturos are pacing, Menardi and Garet are playing cards, Link is sitting with Mia, who is sobbing}  
  
Alex: Gah! Mercury, What is TAKING them so long?!  
  
Garet: Ivan's leading them... What do you expect? Go fish, Menardi.  
  
Menardi: Curses! I've lost again! Die infernal cards! ~Supernova~  
  
Garet: o_O  
  
Mia: I want to see my ISAAC!  
  
Link: There, there Mia... I'm sure he's coming here as fast as he can.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Ivan: Isaac, what are you doing?  
  
Isaac: (Sniffing a flower in the forest) Hey... sometimes you've got to stop and smell the roses.  
  
Felix: Isn't that poison oak?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Link: ...or not.  
  
Saturos: Well, they'd better get here soon, or I'm coming after them... Mars! You'd think they had PIANOBUGGY leading them!  
  
PDV: (Thunder and lightning) I heard that...  
  
Saturos: o_O  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I think for the sake of our PG rating, we'll end the chapter there.  
  
A few messages...  
  
SniperSight - Scary name... glad I'm not on your bad side. ^_^  
  
Jupiter Sprite - quality over speed. I ain't skippin' nothin'... Although I suppose as a reader YOU could... but then nothing would make sense... confusing... anyways, I think "Mia" will show up in chapter 9, so stick around ^_~.  
  
Everyone Else - Thank you for the faithful reading and reviewing (wow... I just figured out what R&R stands for! I'm S L O W)  
  
Please R & R!!!!  
  
(And for some more motivation... I read the work of all my reviewers, so review! Review! Review!) 


	8. Winning title sent in: o O

I know this will be scary..... but this is a true story. (for the most part)  
  
BTW - for those of you who don't remember, Gasp is Raz's muse, whom I "borrowed"  
  
Pianobuggy: (frantically sound-proofing the walls) NOOOOOOOOO! MAKE IT STOP!  
  
Razamataz, the Jupiter adept: Make what stop, sis?  
  
Pianobuggy: the horror!  
  
Evil sadistic voice: HELLO!  
  
Razamataz: AGGH!!! NO!!! It's autumn, it CAN'T be here!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: Quick, Raz! Help me with these steel panels!  
  
Evil sadistic music: (In the tune of "She'll be coming round the mountain" [I'm putting in the annoying song for the chapter in early] If you haven't guessed the identity of this monster yet, it's the evil, deadly, sinister ICE CREAM TRUCK! [for all you sweet-tooths out there, go to the grocery store and get 5 times as much ice cream for the same price.)  
  
Razamataz: I've got a better idea! Where's my Sol Blade?  
  
Pianobuggy: No time! The ice-cream truck must die now!  
  
Razamataz: Ooh! I've got an idea! (whistles) GASP! Get your rear in here!  
  
Gasp: (salutes) Reporting for duty, sir..... err..... ma'am.  
  
Razamataz: Gasp, do you hear that infernal noise?  
  
Gasp: ooh..... wait a sec (strains her ears and makes a twisted face) Augh! What IS that?!  
  
Razamataz: That noise is the SINGLEMOST reason I don't update faster.  
  
Gasp: (Manic look on her face. Grabs a whip and runs out the door.) WAGHHH! ICE CREAM TRUCK MUST DIE!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: Good one, Raz. Is THAT why it takes you so long?  
  
Razamataz: (evil grin) No, I just figured that if I sent Gasp after the ice cream guy, ONE of them has to die, right?  
  
Pianobuggy: (glances sideways) Well, I suppose that will take care of him, huh?  
  
Razamataz: You're probably right. HEY GASP!! GET ME A POPSICLE WHYDON'TCHA?!!  
  
Ice Cream Truck: HELLO!  
  
{The song starts again, a cry is heard, then a bang, the music slows and gets lower and lower, then finally stops. A loud scuffle is heard, with a man screaming for help, and then silence. Gasp enters the house with three small popsicles}  
  
Razamataz: C'mon Gasp! These are tiny!  
  
Gasp: (shrugs, pulling off the wrapper) It's the biggest they had.  
  
Pianobuggy: (tastes it) GAH! What is this crud?! (looks at the wrapper) Mint peanut-butter tooty-fruity rocky road?!!! What kind of a flavor is THAT?!!  
  
Razamataz: It's called consumerism: If it's new, it's good.  
  
Pianobuggy: I want a refund!  
  
Gasp: (musing [groan..... bad joke] ) a refund for nothing?  
  
Pianobuggy: (fuming) You want a piece of me?  
  
Gasp: You're pretty cocky after what I did to the ice cream guy.....  
  
Pianobuggy: (Nervous) Why? What did you do to the ice cream guy?  
  
Gasp: (licking her grape popsicle) See for yourself.  
  
{Pianobuggy and Razamataz tip-toe to the door nervously and peek outside}  
  
Pianobuggy: o_O  
  
Razamataz: (Blinks) Eww.....  
  
Razamataz: uh oh.....  
  
Pianobuggy: We're in trouble now.....  
  
Razamataz: Running would be a good idea.  
  
Pianobuggy: I concur.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
~*~*~*~*~ Chapter 8 ~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Insert title here"  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, and Felix are merrily skipping.....  
  
Isaac: We are NOT!!!  
  
{errm..... fine..... Ivan, Isaac, and Felix are merrily prancing.....  
  
Felix: (indignant) We're not doing that either!  
  
Ivan: Yeah! We're not "merrily" doing anything!  
  
HEY! Would you rather pout the whole time?!! I'm trying to be a ray of sunshine here!!!  
  
Isaac: Well don't be so..... bubbly and happy about it.  
  
{THAT'S WHAT A RAY OF SUNSHINE IS!!! DO IT MY WAY OR STICK YOUR FINGER IN AN ELECTRIC SOCKET BUDDY!!!}  
  
Ivan: (Rolls his eyes) Oh, yes. And what a ray of sunshine you are.  
  
{ALRIGHT!!! Everyone shut up and listen to the directions, OK?!!!}  
  
Ivan: Fine! (mumbles) tyrant.  
  
{AHEM..... Ivan, Isaac, and Felix are GRUMPILY trudging through a field, when they come to the alleged barricade that Lord McCoy put up. It's a large pile of cardboard boxes, neatly arranged.}  
  
Felix: (reading) idn 3p!s s!4+ ***37!6VJ .....something. What do you suppose that means?  
  
Ivan: Felix, you idiot, what are you doing?  
  
Isaac: (looks at box) Oh, Venus, he's reading it upside down! It says "fragile..... this side up!"  
  
Ivan: (smacks himself in forehead)  
  
Guy1: (popping out from behind box) Hey, Chester, I found it!  
  
Felix: AIEE! (falls backwards)  
  
Chester: (pops out from amidst the boxes) You did, Bob? The queen's delivery?!  
  
Guy 1 (Bob): I think so. C'mere and see!  
  
{Chester runs over to Bob. Ivan and Isaac exchange looks. Felix rolls his eyes}  
  
Chester: Well, lookee here! The family heirloom, amidst all these worthless boxes! Let's make sure it's still okay.  
  
Bob: Good idea, Chester.  
  
{Bob and Chester open the box and get similar looks on their faces to the looks on Pianobuggy and Raz when they looked at out at the ice cream truck}  
  
Chester: Lost in the mail?  
  
Bob: I concur.  
  
{Chester hands Bob a shovel and Bob quickly digs a hole. Chester drops the box into the hole. They turn around to notice Ivan, Isaac, and Felix standing there for the first time.}  
  
Chester: (shocked) Hello there.  
  
Ivan: What were you doing with that box?  
  
Chester: What are YOU doing in an expressly forbidden area, HMMM?  
  
Ivan: So, we never saw you?  
  
Chester: (sly look on his face) likewise.  
  
{Chester glances sideways, nods at the boys, and walks away, whistling. Bob does the same and walks away, whistling}  
  
Ivan: Well, THAT was weird.  
  
Felix: Yeah. (turns around) Some barricade, huh?  
  
Isaac: No kidding. GARET could get over this thing. (Climbs up to the top of the boxes, produces a flag with a picture of his face, winking and with his teeth sparkling, and sticks it in a box.) I now claim this territory for Isaac the Great and the people of Idaho! (Don't ask me why..... Idaho was THERE)  
  
Ivan: (climbing across the barrier) Y'know, Isaac, this kind of suits you.  
  
Isaac: And what exactly do you mean by THAT???  
  
Ivan: I dunno, I just always thought you were a little..... FLIMSY.  
  
Isaac: Alright, you wanna go?  
  
Felix: (staring in horror)  
  
Ivan: Isaac, what is Felix staring at?  
  
Isaac: I dunno, look in your spare time. DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.  
  
Ivan: No, really Isaac, what's he lookin' at?  
  
Isaac: You've got eyes, why don't YOU look?  
  
Ivan: (covers his eyes) I can't..... It's too scary.  
  
Isaac: Oh please, you don't even know what it IS! (turns to where Felix is looking) Eep! (hides behind a box)  
  
Ivan: (still covering his eyes) What is it Isaac?!  
  
Isaac: It's too horrible!  
  
Ivan: (makes an opening with his two fingers) AIEE!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: Well, Raz, they won't find us HERE!  
  
Ivan: (standing rigidly) Pianobuggy! How..... NICE to see you!  
  
Raz: He's acting suspicious, Pianobuggy.  
  
Pianobuggy: (eyes narrow) Yes, he IS.  
  
Ivan: NO!!! I mean, (fiddles with his collar) we've done nothing wrong! I swear! Nothing at all! I mean..... uh..... uh..... WOWEE! It's hot out here, don't you think?  
  
Pianobuggy: (steps right up to Ivan) Ivan.....  
  
Ivan: (gulp)  
  
Pianobuggy: (about to say something, then realizes something and looks around) Where are Isaac and Felix?  
  
Ivan: They're here..... I've been keeping PERFECT track of them.... yes sir I have, er..... MA'AM.....  
  
Pianobuggy: (pats Ivan on the head) I'm sure you have, Ivan. Isaac! Felix! Get your butts up here!  
  
Raz: So THIS is Weyard..... but where are the munchkins?  
  
Pianobuggy: (over shoulder) That's Wizard of Oz, Raz.....  
  
Raz: I won't believe it until you PROVE it to me. (Sees Felix. Eyes bug out) MUNCHKIN!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: (rolls her eyes)  
  
Raz: (runs over to Felix and hugs him, only coming to his shoulders) Finally! Someone I can relate to! Pianobuggy..... Can I keep him, PLEASE?????  
  
Felix: (Frantically shaking his head)  
  
Pianobuggy: (Pulls her sister off of Felix) Now, Raz, Felix has to stay here until he can save Weyard again, and then he'll be back to his full size.  
  
Raz: Can I keep Ivan then?  
  
Ivan: o_O  
  
Pianobuggy: (taps Raz on the nose) 'fraid not bumpkin.  
  
Raz: (makes evil face, but keeps her mouth shut. [she knows that the author powers belong to ME..... mwahahaha])  
  
Pianobuggy: So I assume that you're heading for the Tret Tree?  
  
Ivan: Yes.  
  
Pianobuggy: Good..... Raz and I will accompany you through this incredibly annoying part of the game.  
  
Ivan: That's..... (cringes) wonderful.....  
  
Isaac: Why are you here anyway? Haven't we been behaving well enough?  
  
Pianobuggy: (rubs the back of her neck) Well, you see, you have Gasp to blame for that.....  
  
{Felix opens his pack and Ivan, Isaac, and Felix all glare at Gasp}  
  
Ivan: What did Gasp do?  
  
Raz: She exacted revenge on one of our bitter enemies.  
  
Felix: Wait.....  
  
Everyone: (waiting)  
  
Felix: Ok, I'm stumped. How is that bad?  
  
Pianobuggy: Well, she kind of OVERDID it..... Just a little bit.  
  
Ivan: (eyes widen) You're on the run from the law!!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: Well, I wouldn't exactly call it THAT.....  
  
Ivan: YOU got in trouble now and you're hiding out in Weyard! Look who's in trouble NOW!!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: Ivan, it wasn't my fault.....  
  
Ivan: HA! That's hilarious! You're stuck here until things cool down! YOU'RE IN THE HOTSEAT NOW!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: IVAN!! Shut up!  
  
Ivan: (wiping a tear) I'm sorry! That's just too funny! (bursts into giggles)  
  
Isaac: He did this to me too.  
  
Pianobuggy: Ivan..... It's not funny.  
  
Ivan: (rolling on the ground) HEEHEE!!! Yes it is!!!  
  
{Suddenly a large lightning bolt strikes right where Ivan is}  
  
Singed Ivan: Ow.....  
  
Pianobuggy: Does anyone ELSE think this is funny?? HMMMM??  
  
Everyone Else: (frantically shakes head)  
  
Pianobuggy: Good. Ivan, lead us onward.  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Pianobuggy, and Raz all walk through the fields and into the forest entrance.}  
  
ZAP!! POW!!  
  
Ivan: Aggh! I forgot about this!  
  
Isaac: Someone's attacking our psynergy!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: oops...  
  
{Pianobuggy, Raz, Ivan, Isaac and Felix fall to the ground. Sparkly liquid starts falling from the sky}  
  
Ivan: What is this? Pixie dust?!  
  
Felix: I feel sleepy..... Look at the pretty lights.....  
  
Isaac: (slaps Felix) Snap out of it, Felix! This stuff is supposed to turn you into a tree, not put you to sleep!  
  
Ivan: No, Isaac, Felix is right..... I feel sleepy too.  
  
Pianobuggy: (yawns) I think I'll take a nap.....  
  
Raz: So sleepy.....  
  
Tret Tree's Voice: What?!! Why do they not turn to trees?!!  
  
Laurel's (the other tree) Voice: Perhaps because you poured the chloroform on them instead of your magic powdery stuff!  
  
Tret Tree: Crap!  
  
Laurel: Idiot.... I can't believe you run this forest.  
  
Tret Tree: Shut up!  
  
Laurel: Or what Tret? HMM?  
  
Tret: Or..... Or..... I'LL TURN YOU INTO A TREE!  
  
Laurel: (Smacks him with a branch) I AM A TREE!  
  
Felix: (waking up) Wow, I feel all light-headed and free.....  
  
Raz: What happened?  
  
Ivan: That definitely wasn't right.....  
  
Tret: SILENCE!!! BE TREES!!!  
  
{A bunch of poppies start falling from the sky}  
  
Pianobuggy: NOO!! POPPIES WILL MAKE THEM SLEEEEeeee--- (falls asleep)  
  
Raz: WE'RE MELLLLTING!!! OH WHAT A WORLD?!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: (Wakes up, smacks Raz) THAT'S MY LINE! (falls back asleep)  
  
Raz: SORRRRrrrrryyyy--- (falls asleep)  
  
Ivan: Here we go again (falls asleep)  
  
{Everyone else falls asleep}  
  
Fighting Tree from the Wizard of Oz (FTWO): (Throws apples at the crew) Wake up! Wake up and save our tree!  
  
{per request of Raz and Cara}  
  
Nearby Ent: (Grabs FWTO's branch and holds him back) No! We must get Glinda!  
  
FTWO: Good idea! But I can't walk!  
  
Ent: I CAN! (runs off)  
  
{silence}  
  
{more silence}  
  
{the directions person checks her watch}  
  
{okay... enough waiting!}  
  
Glinda: (waves her magic wand thingamabobber around and everyone wakes up)  
  
Isaac: (brushing himself off) Well, Pianobuggy, NOW you have to face murder charges AND copyright lawsuits.  
  
Pianobuggy: (nervously claps her hand on Isaac's mouth) I NEVER said we murdered him, got it?!!  
  
Isaac: (nods frantically)  
  
Tret Tree: Dangit! I can't seem to find my sparkly magic stuff! I know it's in one of these cupboards somewhere...  
  
Ivan: Are they WOODEN cupboards?!!  
  
Tret Tree: OF COURSE NOT! Anyway..... you'll have to come fight me on your own... SO HURRY UP AND GET OVER HERE!  
  
Pianobuggy: Crud.  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Raz, and Pianobuggy enter the forest. We skip a bunch of stuff and finally, they all run into the area with the big lake, heavily scratched and bruised and panting.}  
  
Ivan: Well, at least THAT'S over with.  
  
Pianobuggy: You haven't seen the worst of it.  
  
Isaac: You mean there's MORE???  
  
Pianobuggy: (as she finishes solving the log puzzle and hops across) You betcha.  
  
Isaac: Crud.  
  
{They all enter the clearing where Tret and Laurel are, and go into the tree. We skip some MORE stuff, because Raz is getting impatient, and they get to the top part of the tree where they have the little leaf things [at least.... I THINK that's what they are] on the cobweb.}  
  
Felix: (testing the web with his foot) Are you sure this is safe?  
  
Pianobuggy: I'm positive.  
  
Felix: (Looks around to see who he likes the least) Razamataz, why don't YOU go first?  
  
Raz: Why me??!  
  
Felix: (Takes both her hands in his) Because you are the bravest, most clever little munchkin I've ever known. And I have FAITH in you!  
  
Raz: Welllllllllllllll..... Okay.  
  
{Raz hops from leaf-thing to leaf-thing}  
  
Raz: Hey, this is fun!! Look guys! I'm hopping on the leaf! (starts hopping) This is SOO much more fun than hopping on the bed! WEEEEEE (leaf breaks under her weight) EEEEEEIIIIAAAEEEEEEEEAaAaUuuUuuGgggGgggGgggGgggghhhhhhhhhh-------------- !!!!!  
  
Ivan: Now THAT'S a scream!  
  
{Everyone crowds around the hole where Raz fell}  
  
Pianobuggy: Raz! My baby Raz! I'm coming for you!!! (grabs nose and hops through the hole) GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooo-------------  
  
Ivan: Oh boy....  
  
Isaac: Do we go after them?  
  
Felix: I suppose so... You two go first.  
  
Isaac: No way! As soon as we go you'll ditch us!  
  
Felix: Okay, you're right, but... Don't make me go!!!  
  
Ivan: I think we will!  
  
Felix: You can't! I-  
  
Isaac: Whatcha gonna do, shrimp? Force us down?  
  
Felix: I think I will!  
  
Ivan: Pahh! You don't have a prayer! C'mon Isaac!  
  
Felix: Isaac! Look over there! It's Mia!  
  
Isaac: Felix, I'm not a GG creation... I'm not falling for that one.  
  
Felix: (snaps his fingers) pooh.  
  
{Ivan and Isaac push Felix down the hole}  
  
Felix: YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIIIIIIIIiiiiiiiii------  
  
Ivan: Pay for thi? What's thi?  
  
Isaac: (smacks forehead)  
  
Ivan: Well, I guess it's just the two of us now...  
  
Isaac: yup  
  
Ivan: Who's going first?  
  
Isaac: You are.  
  
Ivan: I am NOT!  
  
Isaac: Since when do YOU decide everything?  
  
Ivan: Since Pianobuggy made me you, that's when.  
  
Isaac: But I'M the original me!  
  
Ivan: I'm confused.....  
  
Isaac: You jump down or I'll make you!  
  
Pianobuggy: OR I'LL MAKE BOTH OF YOU!!!  
  
{Suddenly a bolt of lightning crashes into the web and Ivan and Isaac both tumble down to the bottom of the tree}  
  
Ivan: Ow...  
  
Isaac: Could someone help get my head out of the ground?  
  
{Pianobuggy tugs Isaac out of the ground}  
  
Raz: That was FUN! Let's do it again!!!! (Runs around the tree looking for a ladder)  
  
Tret: Hrrmph!! Did you expect to find my kind self in here???!!  
  
Ivan: Not really.  
  
Tret: Well, I DON'T CARE!! You're going to be trees and you'll die with my forest AND all the other people I turned to trees!  
  
Isaac: Don't think so! We'll fight you!  
  
Pianobuggy: (rolling up her sleeve) Stand down Isaac. I've got a BONE to pick with this tree.....  
  
Raz: Me too.....  
  
{Pianobuggy conjures up a bunch of flames while Raz continually zaps Tret with electricity}  
  
Pianobuggy: YOU..... ARE..... THE MOST..... ANNOYING.....AND POINTLESS..... BOSS..... IN..... THIS.... GAME.....  
  
Raz: DIE..... YOU..................................TREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!  
  
{Tret's face explodes into a million little shards}  
  
Ivan: o_O  
  
Isaac: o_O  
  
Felix: o_O  
  
Raz: (panting heavily)  
  
Pianobuggy: (brushing herself off) Well, that settles that.  
  
Raz: I've wanted to do that for SO long!  
  
{Everyone climbs the vine out of Tret}  
  
Nice Tret: Thank you for awakening my good side, but I'm still going to die, and I don't have enough strength to revive the people of Kolima.....  
  
Pianobuggy: So we came ALL the way here for NOTHING?!!  
  
Laurel: I'm sorry. Nothing can be done unless you can heal Tret, and you can't do that. You'll have to come back later to save the forest and the people of Kolima.  
  
Raz: Where's my buzz saw?  
  
Pianobuggy: We're not going to do that! It takes too long to get here! Besides, the people of Kolima can only say the same sentence over and over again anyway.  
  
Felix: Well that was heartless.  
  
Pianobuggy: And you expect any different?  
  
Felix: No.  
  
Raz: You're not heartless, Pianobuggy. You have a soft side like everyone el-  
  
Pianobuggy: (claps her hand on Raz's mouth) Quiet! The readers don't KNOW that!!!  
  
Ivan: Well, if we're not going to help Tret, then perhaps we should go save Mia and find whoever is supposed to be Mia.  
  
Pianobuggy: (evil grin) I'm surprised you're in such a hurry Ivan..... I'm sure you won't be very soon....  
  
Ivan: What's THAT supposed to mean?!!  
  
Pianobuggy: Nothing.... ^_^  
  
Gasp: (appears) Hey, Pianobuggy, good news!!!  
  
Pianobuggy: What's that, Gasp?  
  
Gasp: Things have cleared up in the real world! It turns out that no one missed the ice cream guy after all! I just hid the guy in the backyard and nothing happened after that!  
  
Pianobuggy: That's great, Gasp! (realizes something) Wait..... you hid him in the back yard?  
  
Gasp: Uh-huh! Wanna see?!  
  
Raz: (smacks forehead)  
  
Pianobuggy: Um, Ivan, I'm going to have to leave you in charge again. I've got to go fix this.....  
  
Raz: Ditto.  
  
{Pianobuggy snaps her finger and she and Raz disappears.}  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Pianobuggy: I'd like to clear up.....  
  
Raz: .....That the ice cream guy is now recovering.....  
  
Pianobuggy: .....and (unfortunately) will be back on the job next summer.  
  
A few notes:  
  
The current pairing count is:  
  
Mudshippers - 7  
  
Valeshippers - 3  
  
Windshippers - 2  
  
Burnshippers - 1  
  
Chibi Procrastinator: The song was very subtly put in right before the parentheses. There was a very annoying Christmas song we sang in our elementary choir when I was as little as Razamataz... "The Holly and the Ivy".... ever heard that one? Go back and read it, you'll catch it.  
  
Wolfy129: Je suis tres contente parce que vous aimez le francais. J'aime le fromage aussi! Lissez-vous, et repondez. Si tu vuex, je dit comment dit-on un mot en francais. Qu'est-ce que vous aimez autre que le fromage? ^_^ Have fun translating THAT.  
  
EchoKazul: Thank you. I like Lord McCoy too! (Inspired by King James I... y'know, the King James Bible guy..... he was Scottish too and ruled England. He was a very funny guy too..... look up his famous quote ^_~)  
  
E.A. Saraby: I know YOU would want me to finish my homework.....  
  
Razamataz: YAY!!! I got my own cameo for this chapter!!! Pianobuggy wrote my part, and I "edited" it... READ MY STUFF!!!!  
  
Navi: sniff* I wasn't mentioned this WHOLE chapter..... I feel so unloved.....  
  
Pianobuggy: (taps her on the head) Don't worry, you are.  
  
Navi: Tha- HEY!!!!  
  
Painobuggy: So I was reading this fic that had over 200 reviews and I was wondering how on EARTH it got so many, so I read it..... turns out that Vilya n' Company, despite being quite good, required a certain "toll" of reviews before they would give you the next chapter..... perhaps I should do that.....  
  
I'll start small..... 5 reviews will get you the next chapter ^_^  
  
By the way... the review button is here:  
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	9. Northbound

{We find Navi and Pianobuggy sitting in an old-fashioned study-type room. Navi is floating above a chair, sporting a notebook, and Pianobuggy is laying in one of those psychotherapy couch things, with her hand dramatically placed over her forehead}  
  
Navi: What seems to be the matter, Pianobuggy? Did you really miss me THAT bad?  
  
Pianobuggy: (sits up) No, actually it was kind of nice without you..... Actually, I'm depressed because NO ONE except Raz has given me any ideas for chapter eight's title, and NOW I'm going to have to call it "Razamataz the Great... And Pianobuggy too"  
  
Navi: Ouch..... that hurts.....  
  
Pianobuggy: I KNOW..... Somebody better send me another idea before I'm forced to change it.  
  
Navi: Hey, Pianobuggy?  
  
Pianobuggy: What, Navi?  
  
Navi: Whatever happened to that review restriction you placed on the last chapter?  
  
Pianobuggy: o_O..... Oh, THAT..... I wasn't SERIOUS about that.....  
  
Navi: And you only got 4 reviews on the last chapter.....  
  
Pianobuggy: (squashing Navi) Hey everyone! This is the chapter where we meet "Mia"! And the mudshippers are still winning! And since I hate waiting for anything, I'll cut right to the chase..... Here's the chapter!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
~*~*~*~*~ Chapter 9 ~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Northbound"  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, and Felix are still in the forest, right after Pianobuggy, Gasp, and Raz left to get themselves out of a WHOLE lot of trouble}  
  
Ivan: Well, I suppose we'd better go to Imil.....  
  
Isaac: Yeah. Who do you suppose is going to be Mia?  
  
Ivan: Well, we have one clue..... Pianobuggy said that if I knew who it was, then I wouldn't be eager to go there..... so..... (thinking)  
  
Feilx: I hope the ice cream man is okay.....  
  
Isaac: (bonks Felix on the head) Of course he'll be okay. Ice cream men are like cockroaches..... No matter what you do, they nev-  
  
Ivan: WAGGH!!!  
  
Isaac: (jumping at the sound, pulls out his sword) Ivan?!! What is it?!!!  
  
Ivan: I know who Mia is!!! (Gets down on his knees and grabs Isaac's tunic) DON'T MAKE ME GO TO IMIL ISAAC!!! DON'T MAKE ME GO!!!!  
  
Isaac: (brushes Ivan off in disgust) Why, Ivan? Who's Mia? Why can't we go?  
  
Ivan: No way..... I can't go..... Don't make me go, Isaac!  
  
Isaac: (grabs Ivan on the shoulders) CALM DOWN, IVAN!!! Now tell me, who is it you can't see?  
  
Ivan: (hysterical, rocking back and forth) Of all people..... she'll kill me..... I'll die..... that annoying laugh..... those manic eyes..... that demented grin..... EVIL I SAY!!!!  
  
Isaac: (rolls his eyes) Oh, for Venus's sake (slaps Ivan across the face)  
  
Ivan: (grabs his cheek) Ow.....  
  
Isaac: Ivan, we have to go to Imil if we ever want to get out of here again, so you're coming with whether you like it or not.  
  
Ivan: (makes pleading puppy eyes at Isaac)  
  
Isaac: (Turns away in resistance) No..... It's..... not..... going..... to work..... this time! I'm sorry Ivan, you have to.  
  
Ivan: (turns to Felix) Felix! Sweet, generous, understanding Felix..... (On the ground, hugging Felix's knees, which is a feat considering how low to the ground they are ^_^) Dear Felix, you wouldn't let that evil man take me to Imil, would you??  
  
Isaac: HEY!!  
  
Ivan: For HEEE'S a jolly good FELLLLLLLOW! For HEEE'S a jolly good FELLLLLLLLOW! For HEEEE's a jolly good FEEEE---EEE---LLOW!!!! (There..... chapter 9 song) Which nobody can DENY!!!!  
  
Felix: (staring at Ivan nervously) Isaac..... get him off me.....  
  
Isaac: (tugging on Ivan) C'mon Ivan..... I'll tell you what..... We won't go to Imil at all!  
  
Ivan: (turns to Isaac in glee, releasing Felix) We won't?!!!  
  
Felix: owwww..... circulation..... gone......  
  
Isaac: No Ivan, we won't.  
  
Ivan: (suddenly suspicious) how.....?  
  
Isaac: Well we don't really NEED Mia, except in the lighthouse, and we already know that Link and the others will already have it lit. We can get a head start and meet them at the Venus lighthouse, okay?  
  
Ivan: Oh THANK you Isaac! You're greatness is beyond measure! (Bowing at Isaac's feet in homage) All hail the great Isaac!  
  
Isaac: (grabs Ivan's arm and pulls him up) okay, Ivan..... that's enough.  
  
Ivan: Okay, so shall we get going then?  
  
Isaac: Yes..... to Venus lighthouse!  
  
Ivan: Yay!  
  
{Ivan and Isaac start of to the end of the forest. Felix is still on the ground}  
  
Felix: Guys..... I can't move..... (holds up his pointer finger) medic.....  
  
Ivan (turns around) Isaac..... we should probably bring Felix, eh?  
  
Isaac: Yeah, sure.  
  
{Ivan and Isaac are walking along. Felix is riding on Isaac's shoulders, when they get to (A/N: correct me if I'm wrong..... you know the cave to go to Imil, is it Bilibin Cave or something else?) Bilibin or something else Cave..... it doesn't take long to go through and they come out in the frozen wasteland on the other side)  
  
Isaac: So who is Mia anyway?  
  
Ivan: (mumbles something)  
  
Isaac: Wazzat? I can't hear you.....  
  
Ivan: Shba  
  
Isaac: HMM????  
  
Ivan: IT'S SHEBA, OK????!!!  
  
Felix: AHA!!! I knew it all along!!!  
  
Isaac: You did? How?  
  
Felix: MAGIC  
  
Ivan: Haha, Felix..... Really..... how did you know?  
  
Felix: Pianobuggy told me.  
  
Ivan: She WHAT???  
  
Felix: She told me all the characters beforehand.  
  
Isaac: No way..... She couldn't have. Why would she tell YOU?  
  
Felix: (shrugs) I dunno..... I'm cooler than all of you.  
  
Isaac: No way! You CAN'T be Pianobuggy's favorite!  
  
Felix: I am.  
  
PDV: Felix.....  
  
Felix: (shrinks [if that's possible]) uh oh.....  
  
PDV: Felix..... have you been lying?  
  
Felix: no, ma'am  
  
PDV: Good..... because you know what happens to liars, don't you?  
  
Felix: uh.....  
  
{suddenly two things happen simultaneously. 1) Felix's nose sprouts a foot out of his face, and 2) his pants light on fire}  
  
Felix: Ow! Ow! Put it out!  
  
Ivan: (giggling)  
  
Isaac: Where's a Mercury Adept when you need one?  
  
Felix: (sits in the snow) Ahhhhhh.......  
  
PDV: mwahahaha  
  
Felix: YOU'RE EVIL! YOU KNOW THAT?!!  
  
PDV: Yes, I do. Good luck finishing you're quest, Fenochio!  
  
Felix: Ha ha, very f- (sees his nose) AIEEEE!!!  
  
Ivan: (checks his watch..... err, hourglass..... whatever they used to keep track of time back then) Took you long enough.  
  
Felix: I can't walk around Weyard like this!  
  
Ivan: (patronizing) Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you LIED to us.....  
  
Isaac: I bet you never even knew that Sheba was Mia.  
  
Ivan: (shudders)  
  
Felix: I'm sorry! I just wanted to be smart like a REAL Ivan!  
  
Ivan: Flattered, really.  
  
Isaac: Y'know, he kind of looks like Pinocchio, what with the shortness and the noseness.....  
  
Ivan: And the whole donkey part suits him well enough, too.....  
  
Felix: HEY!!! ARE YOU CALLING ME AN @$$? (Realizes what he's done and claps his hands over his mouth)  
  
Ivan: Ha!  
  
Isaac: Felix.......... you.............. CUSSED!  
  
Ivan: I never thought he had it in him!  
  
Felix: I didn't mean too..... (points at Ivan) YOU made me do it!!!  
  
Ivan: (flutters his eyes) What? Innocent ol' me?  
  
Felix: I'll kill you! (fastens his arms around Ivan's throat)  
  
Isaac: o_O..... Woah! (rushes over and separates the two) Felix..... calm down..... It's not worth it.....  
  
Felix: You're right, Isaac..... He's NOT worth it.... (look of dawning realization, then an evil smirk) I'll have my revenge..... (Starts walking North)  
  
Ivan: o_O.... NOOO!!! (Runs after Felix)  
  
Isaac: Oh no..... (Runs after Ivan and Felix)  
  
{They run until they get to Imil..... Wow..... and I thought my walk yesterday was long.... poor GS characters}  
  
Felix: (bent over in exhaustion) ha............. I...................... made.................................(huff huff).......................it.  
  
Ivan: (Runs into the town and collapses on the ground) Can't......................................................go on................  
  
Isaac: Took you long enough to get here.  
  
{Ivan and Felix look up, to see that Isaac, completely unscathed, looking down on them}  
  
Isaac: Goodness, I've been here for almost a day..... Imil is great! It's like Christmas! I got a Djinni, and moved a snowman, and got some new weapons, and checked out the lighthouse, and found a tresure chest, and.....  
  
Ivan: (recovering) Felix..... Don't let your anger consume you..... let's get home right now.....  
  
Felix: (recovering too) No..... must..... have..... my REVENGE! (Runs to the sanctum, only to get hit by and squished by the door opening..... Who should be standing there but.....)  
  
Sheba: (Eyes widen) Ivan?  
  
Ivan: o_O... I... I... I... I... I...  
  
Sheba: (runs over) Ivan, is that you?  
  
Felix: (falls over as flat as paper)  
  
Sheba: Omigosh Ivan! I was at the school when all of a sudden I was in this really COOOOLD place! And, Ivan, NOW I'm a Mercury adept! And I'm 4 years OLDER! Imagine THAT! And I thought I was here all alone, but now you're here and... (Is shut up by Isaac's hand clapped over her mouth)  
  
Isaac: That's all very nice, Sheba, but we need to get to the Mercury lighthouse.  
  
Sheba: (wrenches Isaac's hand away) Mercury lighthouse? You mean..... We're in WEYARD???  
  
Isaac: Yes... we're in Weyard, and you're Mia, Ivan is me, I'm Garet, Felix is Ivan, Mia is Jenna, some guy named Link is Felix, Garet is Saturos, and we have to relive our adventures all over again, and....  
  
Sheba: Ivan, has Isaac been taking too much medication again?  
  
Isaac: SHEBA! PAY ATTENTION! We're back in the real world now, and...  
  
PDV: the REAL world... riiiiiiight.....  
  
Felix: (coming over) Hey guys! The door fixed my nose! It squished it back to normal!  
  
Sheba: (looking down at Felix) What happened to YOU?  
  
Felix: Don't ask.  
  
Sheba: And Ivan, you're.... TALL.....  
  
Ivan: Please don't hurt me.....  
  
Sheba: (hugs Ivan) Oh, Ivan, I'm so glad you're here! I was so LONELY without you! Don't you EVER leave my side again!  
  
Ivan: Please.... gerroff me.....  
  
Sheba: Oh, Ivan, I don't care what happens around us, we'll always be together!  
  
Ivan: SHEBA!!!  
  
Sheba: Yes, Ivan dear?  
  
Ivan: (grabs Sheba on the shoulders in a slooooow reasoning voice) Sheba.... I.... want... you... to... LEAVE... me... A-LOOONE.  
  
Sheba: (tearing up) You don't love me anymore?  
  
Ivan: Sheba.... I... never... did...  
  
Sheba: (staring blankly)  
  
Ivan: ?  
  
Isaac: Oh, way to GO, Ivan! Look what you've done now!  
  
Ivan: I... I... I didn't mean to.... I...  
  
Sheba: (breaks away from Ivan's grasp sadly) I'm sorry, Ivan..... I don't know what came over me..... (Walks away)  
  
Isaac: Poor Sheba.....  
  
Felix: (jumps up and smacks Ivan on the head) Ivan! You idiot! We can't have an angsty moment in this story! GO FIX THIS!  
  
Ivan: (bewildered) How?  
  
Felix: I don't know! Just do something!  
  
Isaac: I'll talk to Sheba.  
  
Ivan: (worried look on his face) Thanks Isaac..... (to himself) I've wanted to say that for so long.... I didn't think it would make her FEEL bad! (hits himself on the head) Stupid! Stupid Ivan!  
  
Felix: Got that right!  
  
Ivan: (hits Felix)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Isaac: (In the sanctum) Sheba, don't worry about Ivan.... Deep down, I know he loves you....  
  
Sheba: (mascara running down her face) He does???  
  
Isaac: (reassuringly) Of COURSE he does!!! But you have to understand Ivan..... he's a little more backwards than you or I.....  
  
Sheba: What do you mean?  
  
Isaac: (sighs) Well, Ivan doesn't show love the way you or I would..... When you insult someone, it's like saying "I love you." When you ignore someone, it's like saying, "I want nothing more than to be with you." When you hit someone, it's like saying, "My life is yours!" But if you hug somebody, it's an insult. If you fawn and swoon over someone, it's like hitting them across the face.  
  
Sheba: (makes a face) I don't get it.....  
  
Isaac: (pats her on the head) Neither do I, Sheba. Neither do I.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{Isaac is seen exiting the sanctum}  
  
Ivan: Isaac! How did it go?  
  
Isaac: (winks)  
  
Ivan: (sighs in relief) I never would have thought it, but I actually felt BAD that I hurt Sheba's feelings.....  
  
Felix: Well, yeah! You really crushed her.  
  
{Sheba comes out of the sanctum}  
  
Ivan: Sheba, I'm sorry for wha-  
  
Sheba: (punches Ivan dead in the face and walks away to the lighthouse, whistling to herself)  
  
Ivan: x_x  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Pianobuggy: Well, that was interesting.....  
  
Navi: Yes it was..... can you explain the whole Pinocchio thing to me?  
  
Pianobuggy: I dunno..... I write what I think of.....  
  
Navi: You must have a scary mind.  
  
Pianobuggy: That I do, Navi.... That I do.....  
  
Notes:  
  
Pairing standings are the same as last time.  
  
A disclaimer to Wolfy (and any readers who might have stuffed ice cream men under THEIR beds) - What Gasp did to the ice-cream man was dangerous, unlawful, and legally suicidal..... Although it would do us all a great favor, please refrain from attempting at home.  
  
Please R & R, send in chappie titles for chapter 8 (so I don't have to use Raz's) and send in your pairing preferences!  
  
Trivia for the day: Razamataz is a character my sister is playing in a musical.... in the movie, which actor PLAYED Razamataz??? (Anyone who can answer gets an Invisible, Tasteless, Textureless, Golden Cookie from the cookie jar)  
  
Razamataz: (Chasing Pianobuggy with her Sol Blade) YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL THEM THAT RAZAMATAZ WAS PLAYED BY MIC-  
  
Pianobuggy: (running for her life) UNTIL NEXT TIME!!!!!!! 


	10. Face off at the Mercury Lighthouse

Navi: NOOO!!! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK! THEY'LL STICK ME IN A JAR AND FLICK ME AND DISSOLVE ME INTO FAIRY DUST AND WHO KNOWS WHAT OTHER TORTURES THEY'LL INFLICT ON ME!! (flies continually slightly out of Pianobuggy's grasp)  
  
Pianobuggy: (snatching at Navi) You have to, Navi! You've HAD your vacation, now you have to go back!  
  
Navi: NEVER! (grabs a frying pan and swings at Pianobuggy, who ducks)  
  
Pianobuggy: Why am I doing this? (snaps her fingers and Navi disappears with an anguished scream)  
  
Pianobuggy: Well everyone, since last chapter I've gotten one more mudshipping vote and a desperate plea for some windshipping. AND a passionate valeshipper. Unfortunately, I really suck at any romantic writing, but because I PROMISED to do what the readers want... Well, we'll see how it turns out!  
  
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!  
  
I'm not going to bore you today with a long intro, so on with the chapter ^_~.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
~*~*~*~*~Chapter 10~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Face off at the Mercury Lighthouse"  
  
...I know... you can already tell it's going to be a LONG chapter...  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, and Felix are all standing around in Imil... Well, Isaac and Felix are standing. Ivan is currently incapacitated on the ground}  
  
Felix: Ivan? Are you okay?  
  
Ivan: Ow...  
  
Isaac: (giggling)  
  
Ivan: (suddenly rising angrily, gets up in Isaac's face) WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU TELL HER?!!  
  
Isaac: I told her to give you exactly what you deserve ^_^  
  
Ivan: (dart eyes)  
  
Felix: Uh... Ivan?  
  
Ivan: (rolling up his sleeves, ignoring Felix)  
  
Felix: (staring warily at Ivan) Isaac, I'm going to catch up with Sheba, okay?  
  
Isaac: (dismissively, also rolling up his sleeves) Yeah, whatever.  
  
Felix: (shrugs, walks away as Isaac and Ivan dive at each other)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{At the entrance to the Mercury lighthouse, Sheba is standing in front of the entrance, rubbing her chin and contemplating}  
  
Felix: (Runs up to Sheba) Hey Sheba, what'cha thinkin' about?  
  
Sheba: Well, I'm having trouble getting in... for some reason, my ply isn't working, and I need to get up there so I can catch Alex.  
  
Felix: Saturos.  
  
Sheba: ?  
  
Felix: (sighs) Saturos is Alex now.  
  
Sheba: (twists her face up) That's weird. Saturos, my childhood playmate?  
  
Felix: That IS strange.  
  
Sheba: (turns back to the door) but all my other psynergy is working.. I wonder why ply isn't...  
  
{Suddenly an explosion of psynergy blasts from Imil's direction}  
  
Isaac: (heard, not seen) WAGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! (Isaac suddenly appears, a little dot coming from Imil, slowly flying across the sky and getting larger. Sheba and Felix see he's headed in their direction and they dive out of the way as Isaac makes a very deep Isaac-shaped hole in the ground)  
  
Sheba and Felix: (peer down into the hole. Sheba twists her face up again) eww...  
  
{Another blast sounds}  
  
Ivan: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (appears as dot flying across the sky; makes similar hole next to Isaac)  
  
Sheba and Felix: (confused)  
  
Flint: WEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (flies from Imil down Isaac's hole and disappears}  
  
Sheba and Felix: (In recognition) Oh.  
  
Sheba: So about ply...  
  
Felix: Well, let's think; how is ply different than any of your other psynergies?  
  
{crickets}  
  
Sheba: I got it! That little fairy appears when I use ply!  
  
Felix: And we don't have a fairy!  
  
Voice: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
{A Navi speck appears in the sky, falling toward Sheba and Felix, (but doesn't get much bigger ^_^) and makes ANOTHER hole next to Isaac and Ivan}  
  
Sheba: What was THAT?  
  
Felix: Those poor Imilians... the TAXES they'll have to pay to fix that...  
  
Isaac's voice: (muffled) I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN!  
  
Felix: (calling down into the hole, innocently) YOU'RE WELCOME!  
  
Navi: (flies out of the hole very dizzily, flying in little random circles) Not this place again...  
  
Sheba: A FAIRY!!! (snatches Navi and casts ~Ply~)  
  
{The warp door thingy opens}  
  
Sheba: Ooh! It worked! (Tosses Navi into Ivan's hole) Go heal him!  
  
Navi: (sarcastically) Yes madam Sheba, queen of the universe...  
  
Sheba: Darn right I am. (hops across the hole and into the lighthouse)  
  
Felix: (rolls his eyes and hops inside after Sheba)  
  
Ivan: Ow...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{Sheba and Felix are standing at the entrance to the lighthouse. In there way is a lizard-man. Sheba walks up to the lizard-man, who stares down at her.}  
  
Felix: uh... Sheba?  
  
Sheba: Shut up, Felix. (Side-steps to the left. Lizard man sidesteps to the right to block her. Sheba sidesteps to the right. Lizard man blocks her again. Sheba fakes to the left but dives to the right. Lizard man blocks her. She tries to go under him, but that doesn't work either. Sheba ARGHs in frustration) ARGH! You gonna let me through or what?  
  
Lizard-man: Why would I let YOU through?  
  
Sheba: Because you're a lizard, and I'm a Mercury adept.  
  
Liazard-man: I have armor and a large battle-axe. You have a stick.  
  
Felix: He's got a point there, Sheba.  
  
Sheba: (throws her arms in the air) Don't ANY of you pay attention in biology class?!!!  
  
Felix and Lizard-man: ????  
  
Sheba: (sighs) Lizards are COLD BLOODED. I can surround you with ICE. So unless you want your battle-axe-wielding butt to turn into a big, green, scaly popsicle, I suggest you get out of our way and let us pass.  
  
Felix: Ooooh, she burned you, lizard-man.  
  
Lizard man: He's not a mercury adept, is he?  
  
Sheba: No... he's jupiter.  
  
Lizard: Ah, ok then. (swiftly knocks Felix out with the blunt end of his axe)  
  
Sheba: (looks at Felix, then at Lizard-man) Uh... thanks, but that's not going to get you out of moving for me.  
  
Lizard: Sorry little girl, but I have to do my job.  
  
Sheba: Ok... but you asked for it ~Blizzard~  
  
Lizard: (stiff as a washboard falls over)  
  
{Isaac, Ivan, and Navi enter to see Sheba digging through lizard-man's pockets}  
  
Isaac: Sheba... What are you doing?  
  
Sheba: I'm taking this guy's money. What do you THINK I'm doing??  
  
Ivan: But Sheba! That's STEALING!  
  
Sheba: It would be stealing except this guy doesn't need it.  
  
Isaac: Now, Sheba, that's not a nice thing to say. We all go through economic difficulties, but that's no excuse to steal.  
  
Sheba: Isaac, do you honestly think that anyone would even let this guy into a town? Let ALONE letting him into their shops. Look at him! He's a LIZARD!  
  
Ivan: She's got a point there.  
  
Sheba: (wide-eyed) You don't mean to tell me that you've NEVER pillaged from you're enemies?  
  
Isaac: Should we have?  
  
Sheba: Of course! It's video-gaming 101! Whenever you kill something you take everything it's got... honestly, boys are so slow...  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, Sheba, and Navi wake up Felix and proceed to the next room, y'know, the one with the statue of the goddess (which doesn't really make sense because Mercury is a roman GOD, not goddess... but anyway...), the room where you can't do anything. They then proceed into the next room with all the water and climb the stairs. They then go across all he rooms wit hthe holes in the ground, moving some statues and solving puzzles with tubes and fighting evil creatures and passing waterfalls and generally having a good time. They then fall down a hole onto the platform with the giant goddess statue and Sheba casts ply. The goddess says that little soliloquy about being a swan or something}  
  
Felix: Cool! Now we'll be able to explore the room with all the water in it!  
  
Isaac: uggh. and we all know THAT will be a party.  
  
Sheba: Hey! Just because YOU don't like water doesn't mean that the rest of us can't have fun.  
  
Ivan: Hey! We are not!!!  
  
Isaac: (confused) What?  
  
Sheba: We are not what, Ivan?  
  
Ivan: We are not slow.  
  
Sheba: ? (thinks a bit, dawning realization) HA!  
  
Ivan: What's so funny?  
  
Sheba: (hops onto the glowing platform) You.  
  
(The guys all look at each other, shrug, and follow Sheba)  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Sheba, and Navi solve some more puzzles and kill some more bad guys until they come into the room with the unusually large waterfall}  
  
Ivan: So now what?  
  
Sheba: Well, considering this IS the Mercury lighthouse, we probably have to cast ply on something.  
  
Navi: Oooohhhh no. I'm not doing THAT again. No more healing people, opening doors, or honoring goddesses that aren't even MINE. Nope, I'm not doing you ANNNY more favors. I am SOOOO done. I don't owe you ANYTHING, got it?  
  
Ivan: (puppy eyes) Would you do it for ME, Navi?  
  
Navi: (looks away) No! You won't do that to me! Stop it! I won't look! (opens one eye and peeks, sees Ivan and melts) But Ivan... I don't want to...  
  
Ivan: But Navi, we're so close, our names are the reverse of each other, for cryin' out loud! I'm your friend, Navi, you could do it for me couldn't you?  
  
Navi: welllllllll...  
  
Ivan: (Grabs Navi) good, that settles it then. (drops Navi in Sheba's hand) Fire away, Sheba.  
  
Sheba: Oui Oui, mon capitan! (casts ~Ply~ on the statue, and the waterfall starts moving upward)  
  
Isaac: Cool! It worked! (rides up the waterfall. Ivan and Felix follow. Navi proceeds to fly up, but Sheba grabs her wing)  
  
Sheba: Hold it a second, Navi. I want to talk to you.  
  
Navi: What? Why? Link... err... MIA... is right up there!  
  
Sheba: I want to talk to you about Ivan. I care about him, and apparantly he REALLY doesn't like you. And I don't like that...  
  
Navi: What? What are you talking about? He just said we were like this (tries to cross her fairy fingers several times and fails)  
  
Sheba: EXACTLY...  
  
* * * * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * *  
  
{Up on the Mercury lighthouse aerie, Felix, Ivan, and Isaac are waiting, rather impatiently, for the arrival of Sheba and Navi}  
  
Isaac: Where are they? You don't suppose something attacked them before they could get up, do you?  
  
Ivan: We can only hope...  
  
{Suddenly Sheba is tossed up onto the platform by the waterfall, landing painfully on her butt}  
  
Sheba: (Standing up, sarcastically) Boy, those ancient Weyardians sure knew how to build a smooth ride.  
  
Isaac: Sheba, what took so long? And where's Navi?  
  
Sheba: We had a little chat, but she's coming.  
  
{Navi, flying in random loops again and rather beat up, comes flying up and lands on Isaac's shoulder.}  
  
Isaac: Navi? What happened to YOU?  
  
Navi: (shivering occasionally) Who me? Oh I'm FINE as a DANDY! NOthing wrong.. With ME! Nope, not me!  
  
Isaac: o_O... okay...  
  
Garet: THERE they are!!! What took you so long?!!  
  
Mia's Voice: Is that my Isaac?? ISAAC?! IS THAT YOU?!!  
  
Isaac: I'M HERE MIA! HANG ON, I'M COMING FOR YOU!!  
  
{Isaac leaps across the platforms to the top of the lighthouse, which is already lit. Sheba, Felix, and Ivan follow}  
  
Garet: (holds out a hand to stop Isaac) Hold it, Isaac. You can't have Mia.  
  
Isaac: WHY?!! Take Ivan back, PLEASE!!!  
  
Ivan: o_O Hey!  
  
Isaac: C'mon Garet! Ivan's not that bad, and why are you so insistent on keeping Mia anyway???  
  
Garet: (blushes. Mumbles something)  
  
Isaac: o_O (GASP) So the truth comes OUT!!!! YOU LIKE MIA TOO!!!!  
  
Garet: (hushing Isaac) Shh! Shh!!! She doesn't know that yet?!!  
  
Mia: AUGHH! GARET LIKES ME?!!! BLAUGGH!!! BLAUGHH!! ICKY YUCKY GROSS!!!  
  
Garet: Way to go, Isaac!  
  
Felix: Garet, c'mon... If you take Ivan now, I'm sure we can do something for you in return...  
  
Ivan: (turns to Sheba and grabs her shoulders) Sheba... sweet, loving Sheba... You wouldn't let them take me, would you?  
  
Sheba: GARET! Please take Ivan away! (turns to Ivan's horrified face and winks)  
  
Ivan: O_O???  
  
Garet: I was considering taking Ivan for a price... but now that you've screwed everything up between Mia and me...  
  
Ivan: NAVI! (Assumes puppy eyes) YOU won't let them take me away, will you???  
  
Navi: Garet, do you think you can take Sheba instead??  
  
Garet: ALEX! MENARDI! LINK! TAKE MIA DOWN TO THE GROUND LEVEL! ISAAC AND I HAVE SOME BUSINESS TO ATTEND TO!!  
  
Mia: ISAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa---------------------  
  
Sheba: Isaa?  
  
Felix: (rolls eyes)  
  
Garet: Isaac, you nerd! You ruined my chances with Mia! I was so close! You'll pay now! (Dives at Isaac, who grabs Garet's head with one hand, holding him back as Garet throws wild punches at him)  
  
Isaac: Do you really think you had chances with Mia? I'm astounded, Garet.  
  
Garet: (still throwing punches, all of which miss) You'll... pay... dearly..... die... fiend!  
  
Isaac: (raises eyebrow) No need to be hostile...  
  
Ivan: Um... guys? Shouldn't we be concerning ourselves with the elemental stars?  
  
Garet and Isaac: (both stop what they are doing to stare incredulously at Ivan)  
  
Ivan: (backs away with hands up) just a thought... go back to whatever you were doing  
  
Garet: (realizing his tactic isn't working, backs up and rolls up his sleeve) Alright, you asked for it... FRY, ISAAC! (Casts ~Supernova~. A big explosion is seen and heard, the debris clears, and we see a very black and crispy Isaac blinking at Garet)  
  
Isaac: (smoking) not... fair...  
  
Garet: HA HA!!! You'll just have to come back later, kiddies! Just for what you said, I'm NOT giving you the stars! SO THERE! C'mon Saturos! (Saturos warps in and they ride down the elevator.  
  
Isaac: owie...  
  
Sheba: ~Ply~  
  
Felix: Who was the blond guy?  
  
Navi: What? Link?  
  
Felix: HE's me? Are you kidding? He doesn't even come CLOSE to doing me justice! I am SOOO much more handsome than he is!!!  
  
Sheba: (bends down and pats Felix on the head) We know, Felix, we know.  
  
Felix: I'm serious, Sheba. I am WAY cooler than he is. I could whip his prissy little Hylian butt any day.  
  
{Suddenly, a small, beetle-like creature comes up and over the wall. All the GS characters cock their head at it}  
  
Sheba: Aww... What a cute little bug!  
  
Felix: What IS that thing (bends down to poke the little scurrying thing. All the Zelda fans get a hardy laugh)  
  
Navi: NO FELIX!!! THAT'S A BOMBCHU!!! DON'T TOU-  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Pianobuggy: ^_^ (Snicker Snicker)  
  
Post-chapter notes:  
  
Current pairing standings:  
  
Mudshippers: 8  
  
Valeshippers: 4  
  
Windshippers: 3  
  
Burnshippers: 1  
  
Pureauthor - I will take your request, but be patient. Love takes time to flower ^_~  
  
Cryain - Gotta go with the majority... if you want the valeshipping, get ALL your friends to review ^_^.  
  
Jupiter Sprite - Nice title... would have used it but it was too long (  
  
E.A. Saraby - had fun taking your advice. Although, I didn't actually HIT Raz upside the head... I DID send a couple of those bombchus after her tho ^_^  
  
Destiny of the past - Sugar lows are a bad thing. Go trick-or-treating and have a cookie ^_^  
  
SARABY WINS THE COOKIE!!!! Razamataz was played by none other than the infamous MICHEAL JACKSON!!! (sorry Raz... it doesn't count if you know who played you)  
  
Raz: O.O no.. cookie????  
  
Pianobuggy: ^_^.......  
  
Raz: .  
  
Pianobuggy: o_O  
  
Raz: ARGHH!!!! (chases Pianobuggy again)  
  
Pianobuggy: HONESTLY, DOES EVERY CHAPTER HAVE TO END WITH ME BEING CHASED BY A MANIAC WITH A SWORD????!!! (oh well. it IS Halloween ^_^)  
  
Navi: Errm.. Pianobuggy?  
  
Pianobuggy: Yes Navi?  
  
Navi: Who exactly is watching the door for the trick-or-treaters?  
  
Pianobuggy: o_O  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Gasp: HEY!!! I SAID TAKE ONE PIECE!!!! ~Summons Jupiter~  
  
Poor little kid in a hello-kitty costume: (fried)  
  
Jenna: (In a bunny-rabbit costume) Aww... look at all the cute little kids!  
  
Ivan: (A little green alien , grabs a little boy in a pikachu costume) HELLO! What kind of a costume is THAT?!! Pokemon died 6 years ago! Get out of my sight and don't come back until you're in a djinni costume, young man!  
  
Saturos: (In a fairy-princess costume) I can't believe I'm doing this... Anybody laughs and they get fried, got it?  
  
Alex: Yeah, well look what the author made ME wear (wearing an Elmo costume)  
  
Isaac: (dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean) Hey, everyone, where's Sheba?  
  
Mia: (in an Arabian outfit) I dunno...  
  
Sheba: (from behind a bush) I'm not coming out.  
  
Garet: (as Harry Potter) Why not, Sheba? Everyone else knows who we are.  
  
Felix: (A potato) Yeah Sheba, no one's going to laugh.  
  
Menardi: (a green m&m) Sheba, come out or I'll burn that bush down, so there.  
  
Sheba: You'll laugh at me.  
  
Isaac: No we won't, Sheba.  
  
Sheba: Ok...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Pianobuggy: My creative juices are running out. who should Sheba be? The winning answer gets a cookie AND goes in the story!!!  
  
Halloween is fun ^_^  
  
Ok everybody... Chapter's over! Please R&R! 


	11. Of Kolima, Marshmallows, and the EFoD

NOTE OF APOLOGY.......... Pianobuggy, stupid enough NOT to understand her computer, used the and symbols in chapter ten, and so fanfiction cut out almost ALL of her chapter.... to those of you who read it and it was shorter than the normal chapter, read it again. (blushing)  
  
Pianobuggy: Well, Navi, looks like I'LL remember not to use those symbols again!  
  
Navi: SURRRE you will...   
  
Pianobuggy: HEY! CUT THAT OUT, NAVI!!!  
  
Navi: ^_^  
  
Pianobuggy: By the way everyone, Pianobuggy now has a fictionpress original story up..... This MAY-  
  
Navi: (cough cough)  
  
Pianobuggy: mean slower updates on Sun Project, but in the meantime you can read my OTHER story ^_^.  
  
Navi: Ho, boy..... Pianobuggy with complete dramatic license..... THAT'S a scary idea.  
  
Pianobuggy: Yes, well..... ON WITH CHAPTER 11!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
~*~*~*~*~Chapter 11~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Of Kolima, Marshmallows, and The Evil Forests of Doom"  
  
Ivan: o_O  
  
Sheba: Oh crud, we're in trouble.....  
  
Isaac: (beating Felix into the ground) You.....! just.... HAD..... to..... be..... MORE MACHO..... DIDN'T YOU?!!!  
  
Felix: OW! I'M SORRY! I REPENT! LEGGO!!!  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Sheba, and Navi are now standing on what USED to be the Mercury tower, before Links avenger-BOMBchu so delicately pointed out who was more "macho"}  
  
Ivan: (grabs Isaac, who is still compulsively hitting Felix, says in a sensitive voice) Isaac, I know it's gone, but there's nothing we can do..... let it go, Isaac.  
  
Isaac: (wiping a tear) sniffle* I know, Ivan..... but it'll never come back! And IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! (points accusingly at Felix, who is shamefully playing with the dirt in the ground)  
  
Ivan: (speaking as if Isaac is a child who lost his sucker) Well, Isaac, Felix can be a jerk sometimes, but it doesn't help anything to beat him up, okay?  
  
Isaac: (sniffles) okay, Ivan.  
  
Ivan: Good..... (turns to ex-lighthouse) Now HOW can we fix this mess?  
  
Sheba: Innocently whistle and walk away?  
  
Ivan: I like that, but I have a better idea..... (pulls out an empty bottle he got in town while Isaac was talking to Sheba)  
  
Navi: o_O..... bottle..... NO!...... (goes into silent hysterics, twitching from one direction to another in a random pattern)  
  
Ivan, Isaac, Felix, and Sheba: (stare at Navi)  
  
Ivan: riiiiight..... Sheba, go fill this up with water from the fountain..... as much as Pianobuggy and Raz wanted the Tret tree to die, we're going to need him.  
  
Isaac: (gasps) Not Tret!  
  
Ivan: (closes his eyes, solemnly) I know Isaac, but it's the only way.  
  
Isaac: But he's ANNOYING!!! And he wanted to turn us into TREES!!!  
  
Ivan: I'm not going to argue with you Isaac. We're curing Tret and there's nothing you can do to stop us.  
  
Isaac: WELL I'M ARGUING WITH YOU! I am NOT going into that forest again.... There's all those annoying bugs with the stingers and the fighter-pilot rats with goggles and the evil spiders that poison you over and over and over. And the people of Kolima are probably stupid anyway! Why can't we just go about our OWN business? It was THEIR fault for cutting down the trees in the first place, and (follows Ivan out of Imil, still chattering)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{At the Tret Tree}  
  
Lord McCoy: Why on earth did'ya drag me out to this barren wasteland? Yeh could bet me 30 mules that I'd much ratha be-  
  
Sheba: Excuuuse me??! Did ou say "barren wasteland"? Have you ever even BEEN to Scotland?! It's COLD and MUGGY and WET and there's got to be some sort of pollutant in your water because EVERY time some idiot gets by the water he thinks he's seeing some dinosaur that's supposed to have somehow lived for 65 million years in a tiny little lake with little fish that are probably smaller that its little toe with NO way of reproduction (Breathes) AND they were weird enough to create a musical instrument that looks like somebody's stomach (A/N: jk..... bagpipes are cool..... REALLY..... What??! You don't believe me? Go jump in a lake..... but look for dinosaurs first, okay?) AND the guys wear SKIRTS! AND...  
  
Ivan: (covers Sheba's mouth) ahem..... Sorry, Lord McCoy..... Sheba here is a little.... OPINIONATED, but what I think she's TRYING to say is that this forest is an important asset to Weyard and should be preserved, RIGHT Sheba?!  
  
Isaac: Are you KIDDING? This place IS a barren wasteland! Lord McCoy hit the nail RIGHT on the head! I say we save Kolima and chop this whole sucker down (grabs an imaginary buzz saw and cuts down an imaginary tree, making sound affects) SHHHHHHEEZZZZZZZUUUUEEEEEEUUUWAAAAASSSHSHHHH..... Geronimo!!!! CRASH!!!! Just like that!  
  
Tret: Y'know, Isaac, just because I'm dying doesn't mean I can't hear EVERY word you say.....  
  
Isaac: (blushes) uh......  
  
Ivan: AHEM!!!!  
  
Everyone else, who are very ticked off: WHAT?!!!  
  
Ivan: Look, I know we all have differences, but I need everyone's cooperation to pull this plan off, so hush up and listen!  
  
Isaac: FINE......  
  
Ivan: Okay..... here we go. Tret, are there any other REALLY big forests aside from your own?  
  
Tret: Yes, there is a large forest to the south of here.... (closes his eyes, solemnly) one that is filled with the presence of evil.....  
  
Ivan: (cuts him off) yeah, whatever..... that'll work just fine. Ok, here's the agreement. Tret, we give you this water that'll completely restore you to health, and you turn all the tree-people back to humans, ok?  
  
Tret: I will do as promised.  
  
Ivan: Lord McCoy, I'm going to ask you to stop building your palace for now.  
  
Lord McCoy: WHAT??! Outt'a the question, lad.  
  
Ivan: (holds up a hand) Just listen, Lord McCoy, you'll be able to finish your palace..... just listen. I want you to leave the forest now and tell all your construction workers to tear down what they've got and take it to Imil..... Once it's there go south to this evil forest thingy..... Chop the whole darn thing down, so we don't have to go through it ^_^, and take the wood to Imil and build them a new lighthouse. For this, you'll be paid VERY handsomely by the good people of Imil (who will wonder what the heck their local government is DOING with their money come April.....) and you can build an even BIGGER palace for your sweetheart with the revenue. See? The only people who lose out are the Imilians, who ALREADY have to pay for the holes we made in the ground last chapter ANYWAY.  
  
Everyone: Okay! Sounds like a deal!  
  
Lord McCoy: Well, I'll just mosey meself over to the palace and give 'em the arder. (waddles off into the forest, and after a pause comes back with a WHOLE lotta bee stings) YEH SON OF A SAPLING TREE!!!! I THOUGHT YEH SAID THAT YEH PUT THIS FARREST BACK TO NARMAL! THERE SHOULDN'T BE N'YMORE MONSTERS!!!  
  
Tret: Now calm down, "me-laddy" (does the little quote thingy sign with his branches) I said they WERE cute and fuzzy snow-white animals. I never said I'd put them BACK. ^_^  
  
LordMcCoy: Yeh'll pay far this, yeh TREE!!!! (waddles off)  
  
Felix: I'll, uh.... go make sure he leaves ok... (runs off after Lord McCoy)  
  
Ivan: Ok, Tret, time to hold up your part of the bargain.  
  
Tret: Um, right. (does the sparkly thing that turns the people of Kolima back into... well... people) There ya' go.  
  
Ivan: Okay, thanks!  
  
Isaac: Good, we're all done with this stupid forest. ~retreat~  
  
{Tret and Laurel are left alone in the glade}  
  
Tret: My dear Isaac... you didn't like our forest, eh? Well, you just wait until the NEXT forest you come to.  
  
Tret and Laurel: (cackle manically, starting quiet and crescendo-ing into a loud evil laugh, sending birds flying from the trees)  
  
Isaac: (on the way to Kolima, turns to see a flock of birds shooting up from the forest) What the heck was that?!  
  
Ivan: I dunno...  
  
Felix: Ivan! Isaac! Sheba! C'mere!  
  
Isaac: (sees Felix standing next to a short, very fat tree) What is it, Felix? Where is Lord McCoy?  
  
Felix: I didn't do it, I swear! He just-  
  
Isaac: (wide-eyed) Felix! What did you DO?!!!  
  
Felix: I TOLD you! I didn't do ANYTHING!  
  
Ivan: (hysterical) Suuuure Felix! Like we're supposed to believe THAT! You completely ruined my plan! (kneels down to reach, and grabs Felix's shoulders and starts shaking him) DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS MEANS???!!  
  
Felix: (scared) No... what does it mean?  
  
Ivan: You idiot! We'll have to go through the other forest now! (releases Felix)  
  
Isaac: (even more wide-eyed) ANOTHER forest???  
  
Ivan: (dripping with sarcasm) Yes, Isaac, ANOTHER forest, with monkeys that want to have a tea-party with us, (becoming hysterical) AND AFTERWARDS they'll have LITTLE IVAN, ISAAC, IVAN, FELIX, AND SHEBA RICE-CAKE SANDWICHES WITH LITTLE FRILLY FROSTING DESIGNS ON THEM... (pauses to breathe) and NAVI-DUST COFFEE!!!!  
  
Sheba: (puts a hand on Ivan's shoulder) Calm down, Ivan... I'm sure it'll be okay. I think you're over-reacting.  
  
Navi: o_O... Navi coffee? Ewwww...  
  
Ivan: (calming down, runs a hand through his hair) I'm sorry, Sheba. I don't know what came over me... (gives her a smile) Thanks.  
  
Sheba: You must have had a rotten time in the forest last time, huh?  
  
Ivan: You have NO idea...  
  
Sheba: Well, this time will be different. This time you have ME to keep you company.  
  
Ivan: (under his breath) That's what I was afraid of.  
  
Sheba: (blushes) oh, you don't mean that, Ivan.  
  
Ivan: Yeah, I do.  
  
Sheba: Oh stop it, Ivan... you're too nice to me!  
  
Ivan: (confused, looks at Felix, who shrugs)  
  
Isaac: Well, as much fun as it is just standing here in the middle of a field, I think it'd be best if we made our way to Kolima.  
  
Navi: I second that.  
  
{And so they all head for Kolima, Isaac and Navi in the lead, Ivan next, and Felix and Sheba in the back. Ivan runs up to catch up to Isaac.}  
  
Ivan: Hey, Isaac...? What on EARTH is the deal with Sheba? Ever since you talked to her, she's been acting very confusing.  
  
Isaac: (sniggers)  
  
Ivan: (grabs Isaac's arm to stop him) Isaac... What did you do???  
  
Isaac: (grinning) I told her you were completely backwards.  
  
Ivan: (sarcastic) OH THAT'S NICE! Glad to know you stick up for me, Isaac.  
  
Isaac: (still grinning) You're welcome. (walks away)  
  
Ivan: (to himself, watching Isaac walk off) One of these days, Isaac, one of these days... I'm going to figure out what you did... and I'll get you back, Isaac. One of these days...  
  
Felix: (from right behind Ivan) A little hostile, aren't we, Ivan?  
  
Ivan: (rounds on Felix) Felix, you imbecile! No one's supposed to listen to someone's vow of revenge! It's like a LAW or something!  
  
Felix: Tiens... Excusez moi, monsieur! I had no idea I was INTRUDING...  
  
Ivan: Well, you are. Go away.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{In Kolima}  
  
Isaac: All right, everybody. I think we all deserve a good break, so everybody gets (sets his watch [A/N: Hey... he DID live in the real world; he deserves a watch!]) three hours for free time.  
  
Ivan: (stands on his tip-toes to upsize Isaac [A/N: Ivan may be taller... but Garet is tallest of all, heehee.]) Hey bucko... since when are you in charge?  
  
Isaac: We've already discussed this Ivan. I've always been in charge, and always WILL be in charge. (Smirks) If you have a problem with that, you can get through the next forest by yourself.  
  
Ivan: (folds his arms) You're evil, you know that?  
  
Isaac: (shakes a finger) No, Ivan. GARET is evil. HE'S the one playing Saturos, remember? (puts his hand on his chest) I, on the other hand, am innocent of all wrongdoings.  
  
Felix: (sniggers)  
  
Isaac: (points at Felix) Hey, buddy, you're bordering on becoming a LOT shorter...  
  
Sheba: I think you just proved his point, Isaac.  
  
Isaac: ALRIGHT! Anybody ELSE gets on my case today, and I'm giving them to Garet at the Venus lighthouse, GOT IT???  
  
(Everyone nods)  
  
Isaac: Ok, now y'all are wasting your free time, so get going.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{Sheba is standing by one of the tree buildings at the bottom of a hill, backed by a cliff, staring at a little carving of a little dinosaur [A/N: ^_^]. She is shaking her head. Ivan walks up.}  
  
Ivan: What'cha lookin' at, Sheba?  
  
Sheba: Oh, I'm just looking at this awful graffiti someone put here. Who would have the nerve to put this ugly carving here?  
  
Ivan: I dunno. We could go into the tree house and see who lives here.  
  
Sheba: Okay.  
  
{Ivan and Sheba climb a little ladder and go into a single circular room with a bed and a table in the middle and two ceramic jars on either side [A/N: recognize it yet??? You should if you haven't already ^_^]}  
  
Sheba: Looks like nobody's home... (sees pots) I wonder what's in these? (breaks one to find a hexagonal blue jewel) Ooh... sparklies.  
  
Ivan: Oh please, Sheba... don't turn into Mia.  
  
Sheba: (pockets jewel) I wonder if there's more of these in here...  
  
Ivan: o_O SHEBA!!! You can't steal this guy's MONEY!!!  
  
Sheba: Who says I can't??? The door was open! He's just BEGGING for us to come up here!! I mean, C'MON! It's practically charity!  
  
Ivan: (grabs jewel from Sheba's pocket) That doesn't give us the right to steal!  
  
Sheba: But Ivan! It's HIS fault! If he wants to keep his money, he shouldn't keep his door open!  
  
Ivan: Put it back Sheba.  
  
Sheba: (bottom lip quivers, tears start forming) Ivan...  
  
Ivan: NO, Sheba! I'm not stealing this guy's money (puts the jewel back on the table, looks at the broken pot) Geez Sheba, you made a mess... (pulls out a dust pan [A/N: because you should never go on a world-saving adventure without a dustpan to clean up you're messes! ^_^] and starts cleaning)  
  
Sheba: (While Ivan is cleaning, sidesteps over to the other pot, and instead of breaking it, sticks her arm in the hole and starts feeling around. To herself) Come on... I know you're in here little jewel, Ooh.. I hope you're purple ^_^... Ooh! Here it is (tries to pull her arm out of the pot, but it's stuck.) o_O... uh oh. (timidly tries again, but it doesn't work. Seeing this, she [silently] desperately starts wrenching at her arm, trying to pull it out. Meanwhile...)  
  
Ivan: (still cleaning) I'm sorry, Sheba. I think I was too hard on you. You have to realize that you can't take what's not yours, but that's no excuse for me to yell at you. I apoligize. (When Sheba doesn't answer) Oh Sheba, don't be mad at me, I said I was sorry... (turns around to see Sheba, who is in mid swing to crash the pot on the table.)  
  
Sheba: (sees Ivan, freezes in midswing, blushes, and smiles sheepishly) .....hi...I...uh...(hopefully) bad decorating??  
  
Ivan: (smacks his forehead) Sheba! What is WRONG with you?!!! CAN'T YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF?!!! WHAT ARE YOU?!!! A KLEPTOMANIAC?!!!  
  
Sheba: um... yes.  
  
Ivan: (bug-eyed) Sheba? YOU're a klepto?  
  
Sheba: (gets on her knees with clasped hands [A/N: if that's possible with the pot still on her hand...] at Ivan's feet) Oh, Ivan! I'm sorry! I went to therapy and everything, but it didn't help! I stole the jewels! I stole the money at Mercury lighthouse! I stole the chicken nuggets at Truman! I stole Garet's stuffed bunny while he was in Imil! I stole the nose on the Sphinx!  
  
Ivan: That was YOU?  
  
Sheba: It was all me! And I'm sorry!! I'M SO SORRY!! (starts crying)  
  
Ivan: (pulls Sheba into a hug) There, there, Sheba. It's okay. I'll help you not to steal things... (pause) Wait... Garet has a stuffed bunny?  
  
Sheba: He did... And he has a giant stuffed marshmallow too. [A/N: Thank you Vilya... Everyone else... read her fic "As Luck Would Have It" if you haven't already ^_^]  
  
Ivan: Wow... who would've thought? (gets up and starts looking around some more. His eye catches a poster on the wall and reads it) Woah... Sheba, come see this! I think this guy is a bigger nutcase than Garet! Look!  
  
Sheba: (walks over and reads it) Eww... This guy IS weird... Who keeps track of how many spiders they've squished? [Heehee... You get it NOW???? ^_^ ..if not, you seriously need to branch out on which games you play. I'm serious... go shopping... NOW!]  
  
{Awkward pause}  
  
Ivan: Well...  
  
Sheba: So...  
  
Ivan: Perhaps we should leave now.  
  
Sheba: Good idea. (smashes pot on the wall, takes both jewels [Ivan doesn't notice] and pockets them, and follows Ivan out of the room.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{In the shop, Isaac, Felix, and Navi are picking out weapons to buy}  
  
Isaac: I'll take that broad axe there.  
  
Felix: And I'll take the SHORT sword  
  
Navi: (snigger)  
  
Shopkeeper: Very good, sir. That comes to ten thousand coins.  
  
Isaac: err... Ten thousand?  
  
Shopkeeper: Is that a problem, sir? You DO have ten thousand coins, don't you?  
  
Isaac: Well, yes, but... don't you think our currency system is a little... unreasonable?  
  
Shopkeeper: What do you mean?  
  
Isaac: Well, do you really want to sit here all day while I count out ten THOUSAND coins? I mean, come on! That would take HOURS! How do you do this job normally? What if somebody walked in the store right now?! He'd have to sit and wait for three hours while I count my ten thousand coins. Do you really want that? Why would you use a base 1 currency system? Navi... Hylia has multiple currency values, right?  
  
Navi: Well sure! You got your green rupee, which is worth one, and your blue rupee, which is worth five, and...  
  
Isaac: (cutting her off) Yeah, yeah... That's great, Navi. (Navi crosses her arms indignantly) The point is, don't you have something worth 10 or 100 coins? Because I'm a busy guy and I'm not going to sit here and count to ten thousand EVERY time I want a new weapon.  
  
Shopkeeper: (thinking) Weeeelllllllllll, now that you put it THAT way. I guess it makes sense. I just thought it'd be simpler to erase all of the math from the currency system... I thought 'It'd be easier never to have to do more math than counting'... but I SUPPOSE it would be easier...  
  
Isaac: Thank you... You see my point, then?  
  
Shopkeeper: Well sure! But I'm not the head guy in the big business chair with the fancy suit and black tie and such... I'm sorry, but you'll have to pay me the normal way.  
  
Isaac: Ughh... okaaaay... Here we go... (puts his bag on the table and pulls out coins one-by-one) one coin... two coins... three... four... five... six...  
  
Navi: So THAT's why they don't have banks in Weyard... I thought AMERICAN banks were bad... Imagine making a withdrawal HERE!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{Three and a half hours later}  
  
Isaac: nine-thousand nine-hundred forty-two... nine-thousand nine-hundred forty-three... nine-thousand nine hundred farty-far...  
  
Navi: farty-far?  
  
Felix: (leans toward Navi) He's spent too much time in Missouri. Hey Isaac! Say "Washington!"  
  
Isaac: Warshington. Why?  
  
Felix: See, Navi?  
  
Navi: Wow...  
  
Ivan: (bursts into the shop, with Sheba not far behind, who is paranoid and looking over her shoulder constantly) THERE you are, Isaac! Where on earth have you BEEN! We've been looking for you for a half-an-hour!  
  
Isaac: (ticked off) I've been here... paying for the $@&% (Felix cringes) axe with the $@&% (Felix's eyes bug out) coins in the $@&% (Felix falls to the floor in agony) currency system to the $@&% shopkeeper for the last $-  
  
Felix: (covers his mouth) WILL YOU STOP THAT?!!!!!  
  
Ivan: What? Saying "$@&%"?  
  
Felix: ARGH! (bashes Ivan on the head)  
  
Ivan: ow...  
  
Isaac: (sighs) Nine-thousand nine-hundred forty- uh... forty, uh... What number was I on?  
  
Shopkeeper: (Snaps to attention) Huh? What? Oh! Sorry, kid... I stopped keeping track at two-thousand three-hundred fifty-eight.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{Three and a half MORE hours later}  
  
Isaac: Nine-thousand nine-hundred ninety-eight... Nine-thousand nine- hundred ninety-nine... (slams the last coin on the table) Ten-thous- (before he can finish the word, his head drops on the table and he starts snoring)  
  
Shopkeeper: (pocketing coins) Well, that's certainly good enough for me. (Turns to Felix, who is nodding off) You... you want that gift-wrapped?  
  
Ivan: An axe? Gift-wrapped?  
  
Shopkeeper: I wasn't asking you, kid.  
  
Felix: gift wrapped? (eyes light up) WOULD YOU??!  
  
Shopkeeper: Sure, little kid. I'll gift-wrap it for you.  
  
Felix: hey! I'm not a little kid!  
  
Shopkeeper: Sure, kid... You're a very big boy. (ruffles his head. Walks over to the shelf, grabs the broad axe, and sets it on the table. He then takes out a pair of scissors and a big, fat, shiny pink ribbon. He cuts the ribbon and ties it around the handle of the axe and hands it to Felix, who immediately drops it from the weight.)  
  
Felix: (Eyes sparkle) Yay! It's so PRETTY! ^_^  
  
Ivan: (picks up axe and starts inspecting it) Of all the ironies... An AXE in a big, pink ribbon... What a world we live in...  
  
Felix: Hey, Ivan! Give that back! I WANT IT!  
  
Ivan: Now, cut it out, Felix... You're starting to act like Raz...  
  
[A/N: So THAT's who I was thinking of!!! Okay... You REALLY want to know what my little sister is like, read the last twenty lines or so again ^_^. BTW- Today is Raz's 13th birthday! So for today's annoying song of the day to get stuck in your head, I want you ALL to silently (unless you're a good singer, then you can sing out loud and completely confuse ALL your folks) sing "Happy Birthday" to Raz ^_^]  
  
Sheba: ANYWAYS... I think, since we spent so much time here, and since Isaac is OBVIOUSLY beat, we should spend the night here and head east in the morning.  
  
Ivan: (yawning) sounds good to me.  
  
Felix: (starry-eyed) Can I sleep with my new axe???? [wow- still acting like Raz...]  
  
Ivan: (Ruffles Felix's hair) SURE you can, Felix!  
  
Felix: YAY!!! (Runs out of the room) LAST ONE TO THE INN IS A ROTTEN EGG!!  
  
Ivan: (shakes his head)  
  
Sheba: But it's not HIS axe... It's Isaac's.  
  
Ivan: (In a patronizing tone) And that's not YOUR sphinx's nose... It's the Egyptians.  
  
Sheba: (blushes)  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Pianobuggy: ^_^ Oh that silly Sheba.  
  
Navi: I'm somewhat worried for Felix's health... should he be sleeping with a sharp weapon like that?  
  
Pianobuggy: Why not? Raz sleeps with her Sol Blade every night... and she's never gotten a scratch.  
  
Navi: o_O really?  
  
Pianobuggy: No... I borrowed Gasp from Raz and had her take the axe from Felix ^_^.  
  
Navi: (sighs with relief) Oh, THAT'S good.  
  
A Few Notes:  
  
Last chapter we were all wondering what Sheba would be - And from the reviews sent in, I chose Evil Bob's idea: Link knows nothing could be worse than Ruto ^_^. Cookie for you! (Disclaimer: No real cookies are awarded in this fic... so don't sue me!)  
  
Jupiter Sprite - tell Vilya and Griffinkhan to read my fic... You seem to be friends with them ^_^. They're good aren't they? Thanks for R&Ring  
  
Destiny of the past - Tiens, vous êtes pénible ^_^. Il n'y a pas un traducteur latin que échange latin contre anglais dans l'informatique... Je ne sais pas que vous avez dit. i.e. Vous êtes méchant(e). (And just in case you had the same problem as me, and couldn't FIND a French translator... here's what I said: "Well, you are annoying ^_^. There aren't any Latin-to- English translators on the internet [or at least the internet that makes itself available to google]. I don't have a clue what you said. i.e. You are mean. [and I'm paying you back with your own medicine ^_^] Thanks for the review... even if I couldn't read it. ^_~. Maybe you can send me the translation via another review????  
  
E.A. Saraby: Close second for the door-to-door salesperson... but I couldn't use it because they're too scary for my PG-rating. ( Sorry... btw- thanks A LOT for that advice to Raz... she found one of her presents while ransacking the house for the imaginary cookies. No more cookies for you.  
  
Wolfy: I feel for you. When I was six years old I wanted to be a fairy princess for halloween, but mummy wouldn't buy me wings for my costume. Everyone thought I was a ballet dancer, and then a few years later, Raz decided to be a fairy princess, and mum MADE her wings. (grrrr...)  
  
Everyone: Don't forget to read my fictionpress story ^_^ And all reviews on this story are appreciated, as always ^_~  
  
R&R please! 


	12. SuperWeIsFragilisticWhenTheVillainsToast...

{A dark warehouse, intensely quiet. A stream of light enters the room as the door opens. A man in a dark blue uniform enters, wheeling a small crate. He slowly walks to the back of the room, the wheels squeaking the only sound. At the back, he stops and removes the crate, setting it down rather heavily}  
  
Small Muffled Voice 1(SMV1): Ow!  
  
{The man, hearing the sound, looks around, stares at the box, cocks his head in thought, shrugs dismissively and walks to the door and closes it.}  
  
{All is quiet and black. Suddenly, the box starts to rattle}  
  
Small Muffled Voice 2(SMV2): OW! Quit it Pianobuggy! You're stabbing me with your elbow!  
  
Pianobuggy: Quiet Navi! They'll hear you! And do you want out of this box or not?  
  
{The box wiggles some more, then stops.}  
  
Pianobuggy: Finally! Right side up! Now... How do I open this thing??  
  
Navi: Pianobuggy, I think we have a problem...  
  
Pianobuggy: What is it NOW, Navi?  
  
Navi: I think the guard put the box upside down.  
  
Pianobuggy: WHAT?!! (Box wiggles frantically now) Crud... NOW what'll we do, Navi?  
  
Navi: Hold on a minute. (Silence, then the box starts shaking under some form of pressure. Suddenly, with a loud "pop" the top of the box flies off, leaving Pianobuggy sitting on the lid, and Navi floating nearby.  
  
Pianobuggy: (in cat burglar outfit, coughing) Cough* Someone needs a maid in here... What's with all this *cough cough* dust?  
  
Navi: (looking around) Not very scenic either.  
  
Pianobuggy: (Walking to the main part of the box, which has fallen down) Impressive trick there, Navi. I didn't know you could do stuff like that.  
  
Navi: (shrugs) I'm not useless... I just pretend to be.  
  
Pianobuggy: (Starts to kneel down) Stupid guard person; can't read "this side up".....Waaaaaaaaiiiit... Navi, c'mere! I need more light!  
  
Navi: (flies over)  
  
Pianobuggy: This marking on the crate is upside-down! That's why the guard put the box down wrong!  
  
Navi: So?  
  
Pianobuggy: (angry) Who was the idiot who painted the crate, NAVI...?  
  
Navi: uh... I did?  
  
Pianobuggy: Whatever... We need to get going here, if we don't want the readers to kill us.  
  
Navi: Pianobuggy, are you sure this is a good idea?  
  
Pianobuggy: Of course it is... Take a chill pill. Anyway, ALL we have to do is sneak through this building without getting caught, find a room with no one in it that has a conputer, type our chapter, update, and leave. You DO want me to update, don't you?  
  
Navi: Yeah, but your school doesn't.  
  
Pianobuggy: (sighs, rolls eyes) Which is exactly WHY we're sneaking in here to type our chapter... Schools never let us have fun... Maybe I should send my GS buddies over there again. (Now at the door, pulls it open)  
  
(Or tries to)  
  
Navi: Uh, Pianobuggy?  
  
Pianobuggy: (Now with her feet on the wall, using all her weight to pull on the door) What is it NOW, Navi?  
  
Navi: I think the door is locked.  
  
Pianobuggy: (Stops pulling) Well don't WE have a flare for the obvious!  
  
Navi: We do. We also have acclaimed the idea that shipping ourselves to a WAREHOUSE to covertly update a fanfic is a stupid idea. THAT's obvious enough.  
  
Pianobuggy: Hey! It's a good idea. Besides, it was either that or a rampage of readers for not updating in over 4 weeks.  
  
Navi: o_O... You haven't updated in FOUR WEEKS?!!  
  
Pianobuggy: (blushing) Well, no... But like I said, it's that cursed school's fault! So please, don't hurt me!  
  
Navi: Yeah, whatever... You were probably stuffing yourself with Thanksgiving turkey.  
  
Pianobuggy: (indignant) I did not! Although a certain pink puffball I know DID get a pretty big sugar-high off of the pumpkin pie!  
  
Navi: (clasps a hand over Pianobuggy's mouth and looks around as if checking to see if someone's listening, whispers) I told you NEVER to speak of that!  
  
Pianobuggy: (flicks Navi away) Whatever... Now we have to get to that computer. (Grabs a hairpin and starts trying to pick the lock... in the dark)  
  
Navi: (yawns) Are you sure you know how to do this?  
  
Pianobuggy: (intent on the lock) Hey! I don't see YOU helping! Come over here and get me some more light!  
  
Navi: (sighs) Yes mistress Pianobuggy. (Flies over and looks up) Hey, Pianobuggy?  
  
Pianobuggy: What, Navi? Hey, move a little to the left...  
  
Navi: (obliges) There's a vent up there... Couldn't we go through that?  
  
Pianobuggy: (stops picking the lock and looks up) Oh SURE Navi... I'll just fly RIGHT on up there.  
  
Navi: o_O... Pianobuggy... This is a WAREHOUSE. There are BOXES. Didn't you ever play with BLOCKS when you were a kid?  
  
Pianobuggy: Blocks? What are those?  
  
Navi: (smacks fairy forehead) NOW who's got a flare for the obvious?  
  
Pianobuggy: I'd like a flare. It's dark in here.  
  
Navi: -_-*  
  
{After much toiling, Pianobuggy and Navi make a decent sized pyramid and climb up to the vent}  
  
Pianobuggy: (climbing through) Hey Navi? Do you know where we're going?  
  
Navi: You don't know where the venting shafts go? You have to be the WORST cat-burglar I have ever seen!  
  
Pianobuggy: Well it's not like I INTENDED to come in here! The vent was YOUR idea!  
  
Navi: Well, I suppose we should just keep going until we find the room we're looking for. (comes to a fork) Hmm... left or straight... Which way do you think we should go, Pianobuggy?  
  
{pause}  
  
{longer pause}  
  
Navi: err... Pianobuggy?  
  
{even longer pause}  
  
Navi: Pianobuggy, your very unusual silence scares me.  
  
{Pause}  
  
Navi: (turns around) Pianobuggy? (Flies a ways back) Pianobuggy? Aren't you coming?  
  
Pianobuggy: err... yeah, Navi... (tries to move) Just... a... second... now...  
  
Navi: Pianobuggy, are you stuck?  
  
Pianobuggy: (stops moving) Yes.  
  
Navi: Uh oh...  
  
{After several hours of getting stuck and unstuck, making wrong turns, etc. they finally reach a vent they can open.}  
  
Pianobuggy: Uggh... Finally I can get OUT of this stupid hedgemaze! (hops out) Man, it's dark in here. Come down, Navi, so I can see what I'm doing.  
  
{Suddenly the lights turn on}  
  
Guard 1: There they are! They must have been the ones who built that pyramid by the ventilation shaft!  
  
Guard 2: What the heck are you doin' here, kid? You can't break into a computer warehouse!  
  
Guard 3: Hey guys! I think I've discovered a new kind of bug!  
  
Pianobuggy: (Snatching Navi) Hey! That "bug" is my muse!  
  
Guard 3: Ok, fine lady! To each his own (turns to Guard 2 and twirls his finger by his ear)  
  
Navi: Excuse me... did you say COMPUTER warehouse?  
  
Pianobuggy: Yeah, that's what I thought he sa- (eyes bug out in realization and turns around. All the boxes are labeled with "Apple," "Microsoft," "Gateway," "Dell," etc.) You mean... We went through ALL that trouble in the vents for NOTHING?!!  
  
Guard 1: Wait.. What exactly were you doing in here?  
  
Pianobuggy: Omigosh... I'm in so much trouble. You see, officer, I was only trying to find a computer so I could work on a story I'm writing for a website that my school has been desperately trying to keep... me.......... from....... uh... Nevermind. (Smiles sheepishly)  
  
Navi: (buries head in hands)  
  
Guard 1: Well, I'm sorry miss, but we're going to have to arrest you for this.  
  
Pianobuggy: (eyes bug out) But... If I can't update...  
  
Guard 3: Don't worry miss, there are plenty of computers in jail.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Navi: I TOLD you... I said, "Pianobuggy, I don't think-  
  
Pianobuggy: (typing on a laptop) -this is a good idea." Yes Navi, you've told me a hundred times before for every minute we've been here. Now shut up and let me type myself a way out of this jail.  
  
Garet: Hey, you think you can get US out of here too?  
  
Pianobuggy: (Looks up to Garet and the others, who happen to be sharing a jail cell with her)  
  
Alex: (Leaning against the wall) Well, the tables have certainly turned, HAVEN'T they?  
  
Pianobuggy: (blushing) Be quiet. I may be in jail, but I still have full authoritative powers over you.  
  
Piers: (Walks in) Taco Bell, anyone?  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
~*~*~*~*~Chapter 12~*~*~*~*~  
  
"SuperWeIsFragilisticWhenTheVillainsToastUs."  
  
Ahem... On with the madness.  
  
{Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Sheba, and Navi are heading East, through an endless stretch of land. Finally they see Kolima bridge in the distance.}  
  
Ivan: Thank Jupiter! I see the bridge! (starts to run for the bridge)  
  
Isaac: (shading his eyes) Ivan, wait a second. Who is that over by the bridge?  
  
Ivan: (Stops. Looks around) What? Who? Where? I don't see anyone...  
  
Sheba: No Ivan, I see them too... those dots over by the bridge.  
  
Felix: I see them too.  
  
Ivan: Who CARES??? Let's just get on with this. It doesn't matter if there's anyone there, let's go!  
  
Sheba: (sighs) Ivan's right... If the people over there are dangerous, we can just go kick their...  
  
Felix: AHEEMM...  
  
Ivan: (Eyes light up) I AMM?  
  
Sheba: Of course, Ivan. Your sense of logic has always won my- (sees Isaac) err... AMAZEMENT at how much of a GEEK you are... YEAH, THAT'S it... (Starts to run off, yelling in a sing-song) I-VAN IS A GEE-EEK! I-VAN IS A GEE-EEK!  
  
Ivan: confused...  
  
Isaac: What's to be confused about? Sheba always tells the truth. (walks off after Sheba)  
  
Ivan: Except when she sees "sparklies"... (light-bulb) HEY!!! Isaac! Get back here! (Chases after Isaac)  
  
Felix: Err... Well... Shall we go, Navi?  
  
Navi: (sighs) d'accord. (A/N: That's French, you nillies.)  
  
Ivan: (Catches up to Isaac) Isaac... Right before Sheba started acting funny she looked at YOU...  
  
Isaac: So?  
  
Ivan: (raises eyebrow, jogs in front of Isaac and sticks his pointer finger in Isaac's face) I'm ON to you, Isaac... I KNOW where you sleep.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{At the bridge, Garet, Mia, Alex, Menardi, and Saturos are standing around. Link is off somewhere playing lookout and starting to enjoy his new "villain" status WAY too much.}  
  
Garet: Come ON!!! PLEEASSSE!!! I'll... I'll... (looks around for something to offer) I'll give you a COOKIE!!  
  
Guy At Bridge (GAB): I'm sorry... I can't let the bridge down until the tree curse is broken.  
  
Garet: You Little!!! I oughta-  
  
Link: (Runs up to Garet and salutes him) Warrior Link reporting for duty, SIR! Request permission to report current conditions, SIR!  
  
Garet: I don't want to request anything except to get that bridge down!!!  
  
Saturos: And BESIDES, you nitwit: You don't have to report that nothing is going on every half-hour.  
  
Mia: Y'know, Link... You're starting to enjoy this whole bad-guy thing WAY too much.  
  
Link: Never! I'm gonna see if Pianobuggy'll do a switch-around Zelda fanfic, and THEN I can be GANONDORF, YEAH!!!!! (mutters to himself) Ahh... sweet revenge... I'll make GANONDORF go through all those annoying temples and puzzles while I sit at my little castle and watch HIM do all the dirty work.. Teeheeheeheeheeheehee...  
  
Menardi, Garet, and Mia: (raise eyebrow)  
  
Link: (clears his throat) but ANYHOW... I'm not here to report nothing... I just spotted Ivan, Isaac, Sheba and Felix on their way here.  
  
Garet: WHAT?!! (smacks his forehead) ALRIGHT MR. HIGH-AND-MIGHTY BRIDGE GUY!!! I WANT YOU TO PUT THAT BRIDGE DOWN BY THE TIME I COUNT TO THREE OR I'LL BLAST YOU INTO NEXT....... Uhhh... (turns to Alex) Are there even days in this game?  
  
Alex: (shrugs)  
  
GAB: I'm sorry... I can't risk spreading the curse.  
  
Menardi: (sitting cross-legged, buries head in hands) This has been going nowhere for 3 days now...  
  
Garet: (attempts to throw hat down in frustration... realizes he doesn't have a hat... empties his pockets to find a hat... finds the one he stole from the little deku scrub in Bilibin... places it on his head... THEN proceeds to throw it down in frustration.)  
  
Saturos: (to Garet) I TOLD you not to kill the messenger from Bilibin.  
  
Garet: (sniffles) Yeah, but... It was an accident.  
  
Saturos: You used volcano on him by ACCIDENT?!!  
  
Garet: I was sleep-walking!  
  
Saturos: (Getting angry) I TOLD you to send for another one!!! But NOO!! YOU said we'd cross that bridge when we came to it!!! WELL GUESS WHAT, GARET??!!! WE'RE AT THE BRIDGE AND WE'RE NOT CROSSING IT!!!!  
  
Garet: YEAH????!!! Well... You're mean!  
  
Mia: (snickers)  
  
Saturos: How about you just let ME make the decisions from now on, ok??!  
  
Garet: You are! Or... I am... Or... Pianobuggy is... (grabs his head) I'm so confused... and all this thinking makes my head hurt!  
  
Alex: Ah, Garet- the comic relief... Head of the mission to save Prox: Mercury help us.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Sheba: Look, Isaac! It's Mia!  
  
Isaac: (snaps to attention and looks around frantically) Where? Where?  
  
Sheba: (points) There! At the bridge!  
  
Isaac: (Jaw drops ....Remember, Vale-shippers... mud-shippers are still winning ^_^ Review Review!)  
  
{Isaac starts running to the bridge, while the others desperately try to follow. Just as they get to the bridge. However, when they get there, Garet and everyone else are sliding along an ice-bridge, while Garet melts the path behind them. Alex, across the bridge, is restraining (though not very well) Mia, who is struggling to break free.}  
  
Mia: ISAAC!!  
  
Isaac: MIA!!  
  
Garet: (In classic villain-voice) Well, Isaac... we meet again! Though I'm afraid we can't stay for tea! We'll meet again at the Mercury lighthouse, and there we'll... Well, (smirks) we'll cross that BRIDGE when we come to it, if you can cross THIS one. Mwahahahahahaha!  
  
Saturos: (indignant) HEY!!! That's MY joke! My ONE joke!  
  
Garet: So long, Isaac!! Mia is MINE!!  
  
Mia: Acck!!! BLAUGH BLAUGH, GAG!!!!  
  
Garet: Quiet you!!! Oh, and Isaac! Here's a trip for the road!!! ~Nova~  
  
Isaac: (dodges)  
  
Ivan: Hey, Garet!!! What about me???!!! I'M the main guy here! (Is hit with ~Nova~)  
  
{Isaac watches as his precious Mia is dragged away... CAUTION: All of you readers who are sappiness-intolerant, it is the Srgt. Colonel's warning that the next few lines may be hazardous to health. Remember, there is no safe corny-scene. Even light-corny-scenes are hazardous. The only way to decrease the risks is to quit. Also, Floaty the Bear would like to remind you that only YOU can prevent flash floods. This message was sponsored by Mary Poppins, who would like to remind you that a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down AND spurs hyperactivity-induced creativity useful for writing fanfictions. Sugar: The OTHER meat... (for Raz, anyway)}  
  
Isaac: (sinks to his knees) Mia... She's gone...  
  
Felix: (sobbing, gets out a hanky and blows his nose.)  
  
Sheba: (Puts a hand on Isaac's shoulder) Cheer up, Isaac... We'll get her back.  
  
Isaac: But, Sheba... It's MY fault she's gone, and now she's with that... that... (fumbles for words, finally gives up) Garet....  
  
Sheba: (kneels down) Isaac, Mia can take care of herself. Nothing will happen to her until we catch up to her. Think about it... This is GARET we're talking about.  
  
Isaac: (sniffles) I suppose you're right.  
  
Ivan: (walks up) Of COURSE she is. (Sheba looks at Ivan, who winks at her) Garet wouldn't try anything... You're still his best friend, and he won't forget that. Besides, even if he does, well, you've seen Mia when she's in a tizzy.  
  
Isaac: Yeah... She blew up an entire line of covered wagons right before we got to Vault... She... Waaaaaaaiiiiiittt... How'd you know about that?  
  
Ivan: (Innocently) Know about what?  
  
Isaac: Ivan..  
  
Ivan: (shrugs) I read the script.  
  
Isaac: Oh...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{At Fuchin Temple}  
  
Sheba: Ooh! This place is so pretty! Look at the waterfall! And the flowers! And the trees! And the-  
  
Ivan: (scratched and bloody) Well at least ONE of us is in the condition to be excited.  
  
Isaac: (leaning on a stick, also bruised, scratched and singed) Yeah... how is it that not ONE monster attacked her??!  
  
Felix: (leaning on a stick that Isaac had to break in half) Yeah, no fair.  
  
Sheba: (runs up to Ivan) Ooh, Ivan!! Smell this beautiful flower!!! (holds up a water-lily to his face)  
  
Ivan: (pushes it away furiously) Gah!! Sheba! Put that awa- (Starts sneezing violently)  
  
Sheba: Oh Ivan, I'm so sorry!!!  
  
Ivan: So- ACHOO! Sorry won't -CHOO! Ahh.. Nevermi- CHOO!  
  
Felix: (holds out his hanky) Here, Ivan. use this.  
  
Ivan: Thank- CHOO! (Blows his nose into the hanky) I'm deathly allergic to plants, Sheba. They make me sneeze! -CHOO!  
  
Sheba: *gasp* That explains it all!  
  
Isaac and Felix: What??  
  
Sheba: Ivan's allergic to plants! Therefore, he couldn't eat his vegetables when he was little!!  
  
Felix and Isaac: (stare blankly)  
  
Sheba: (sighs in frustration) THAT's why Ivan is SHORT! Because he couldn't eat his VEGETABLES!  
  
Felix: OHHHHHH!  
  
Isaac: (Swaying dizzily) Hey guys, I hate to cut this conversation short, but can we PLEASE go see a healer now?  
  
{They walk around the temple grounds, Isaac leaning on Sheba for support, looking for a healer}  
  
Navi: Guys, I don't think we're going to find a healer in this place.  
  
Felix: No!! There has to be a healer in every town!  
  
Navi: But this isn't a town... (cue dramatic music)  
  
Ivan: There has to be. I'll ask (goes up to random person) Hey, we're travelers... Is there a healer in this town.  
  
Person: Uhh... I'm sorry. There's no healer there, but there's an apothecary.  
  
Ivan: o_O  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
{After Sheba and Ivan's psynergy recovered and they could heal everybody, Ivan and co. explore the temple grounds}  
  
Ivan: (standing in front of the building) Well, this is the only building here. Maybe we can stay the night here. (Walks in and everyone follows)  
  
Isaac: There's no one here...  
  
Sheba: This is creepy...  
  
Isaac: Y'know... Last time this happened.....  
  
Felix: Look! There's a note on the floor!  
  
{Isaac picks it up and reads:}  
  
[Dear Ivan et. al:  
  
Congratulations on getting this far. Unfortunately, I was called to use psynergy to break down a certain jail wall for a friend of mine.]  
  
Ivan: Bet I know who THAT is...  
  
Felix: My, Pianobuggy, we HAVE been getting in trouble lately, haven't we?  
  
[Anyway, because I'm doing my friend this favor, she's letting me play a game in her stead; she's so kind. I don't know what the game is, but she called it "balance the checkbook," so I'm going to be gone for awhile.]  
  
Sheba: Well, that's great! NOW how are we going to catch up to Mia and Garet?!  
  
Felix: Hold it lower! I can't see!  
  
[If I'm not here when you arrive, I saw to it that the other people at the temple would let you into the waterfall so you can gain a new power that will help you through the mysterious and magical forest that lies ahead of you. Just tell them who you are and they'll let you in.  
  
Best of luck!]  
  
{While Isaac is reading, a mysterious black figure is sneaking up behind them. Equiped with a tranquilzer gun (somehow...) the figure knocks our heroes unconscious all at once (although it took him/her a bit to find a dart small enough for Navi...ANYHOW...). }  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Pianobuggy: How's THAT for a first real cliff-hanger?  
  
Navi: Y'know... We got in some trouble, but I think by-and-by your plan turned out okay. You got chapter 12 typed, AND you got out of jail.  
  
Pianobuggy: AND I got someone else to balance my checkbook... Y'know... I think everyone needs someone like that... Hey, you think he could use his mind-reading powers to predict the stock market for me too?  
  
Navi: (taps Pianobuggy on the head) Silly, naïve Pianobuggy... People pretend to, but in the REAL world, there IS no predicting the stock market.  
  
Pianobuggy: But then... Everything I believed in...  
  
Navi: Ahem... A few notes:  
  
Everyone: Free cookies for reviewing! (And two for everyone who's reviewed before!)  
  
Pairing standings are still the same: Vale-shippers get on the ball!  
  
Well, that's it!! Review as always! 


	13. Ch 13 I'm lacking creativity today

Pianobuggy:  (Parked at an airport terminal) Hello everyone, and Merry Christmas (Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Winter Solstice, Boxing Day, New Year's, National Whiner's Day (that's the 26th for all you weirdos out there who didn't know when Whiner's Day is) National Gift-Return day (also the 26th….. although not an OFFICIAL holiday) and any other holiday you can think of ^_^.  For this holiday season, Navi and I are headed for Nebraska (i.e. cow country)….. don't ask why.  Navi!  C'mere!

Navi:  What is it, Pianobuggy?

Pianobuggy:  I need you to hide in my carry-on so no one sees you.

Navi:  Pianobuggy!  Have you never been on a PLANE??!  They CHECK the contents of your carry-on….. with a X-RAY!!  Do you KNOW what X-Rays do to FAIRIES?!!

Pianobuggy: (Not listening, patting Navi on the head)  Don't worry, Navi, you'll have plenty of air in the bag for the trip.  Now don't make me late, get in.

Navi: (sighs) I'm going to regret this….. (flies into the bag as Pianobuggy zips it shut)

(Pianobuggy takes her carry-on to the security check and places the bag on the conveyor belt, walks through the metal detector and is about to take her bag back when)

Security Guard 1: What the heck is THAT???

Pianobuggy: (to herself) Just keep walking….. Just keeeeep walking…..

Security Guard 1:  Hey you!  Stop!

Pianobuggy: (stops, closes eyes, takes a deep breath, smiles and turns around) Yes, sir?

Security Guard 1: (clasps a pair of handcuffs on her wrists)

Pianobuggy:  Oh, not again!

Security Guard 1:  What was that?

Pianobuggy: (shifty eyes) …..nothing. You can't do this to me, I've never done anything wrong in my entire life!

Security Guard 1: (Takes out a walky-talky, while keeping her eyes suspiciously on Pianobuggy) Hey Bill, I'm gonna need help over here.

Security Guard 2 (i.e. Bill): Hey Jill!  What have we got here?

Security Guard 1 (i.e. Jill):  Take a look at that screen…..  What do you suppose that is? Some sort of nuclear tennis ball?

Bill:  (whistles, turns to Pianobuggy) What do you think you were doing trying to drag this in here what with the nation on orange alert and all?

Pianobuggy:  What are you talking about?  Navi's HARMLESS!  Now if I had my SISTER'S muse, THAT'D be another stor…..

Bill:  Yeah, yeah, we've heard that before. (pulls out a clipboard)  I'm going to need your name, lady.

Pianobuggy:  It's….. err….. (helplessly) Pianobuggy?

Jill: (raises eyebrow)  What kind of  name is that?  Don't mess with the law, young lady.  It's a bad idea.

Pianobuggy:  Oh, come on!  You can't expect me to give my REAL name to all the readers out there!

Jill: Miss, you're pushing this way too far.  I'll ask you ONE more time, what is your name?  And don't lie to me because we'll find out who you are.

Pianobuggy:  Well then go ahead, if it's that easy!

Jill:  Tell us your name or we'll take you to jail.

Pianobuggy:  No, not there!  Uhh….. err….. it's…..  LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!

{Jill and Bill swiftly turn around}

Pianobuggy:  Fly, Navi, fly!!!  (Runs out of the airport as her bag follows, floating behind her)  Enjoy the chapter everyone!!!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

~*~*~*~*~ Chapter 13 ~*~*~*~*~

{In a Weyardian warehouse}

Navi: Y'know, Pianobuggy….. That was WAY too easy

Pianobuggy:  Hey, it's my fic, I'll do whatever I want.  If they wanted to arrest me for trying to get you on the plane, then they're stupid enough to fall for that. (Notices camera on her, while Ivan, Isaac, Sheba, and Felix are all standing to the left, tapping their feet impatiently)  Uhh….. right….. um…..  Have fun guys! (backs away while Ivan and the rest tie themselves up on the floor and tie cloths over their eyes rather humorously and Navi flies into a glass jar)

Ivan:  Why are we doing this?

Felix: (pulls out script) Because we're supposed to be tied up when the chapter begins.

Navi: (moans) not again…..

Sheba:  Where exactly ARE we?  I don't remember this building from the game…..

Isaac:  I just remember getting conked on the head earlier. Wherever we are….. this really sucks.  How are we supposed to get through the forest if we're stuck here???

{Suddenly the lights dramatically turn on to reveal the warehouse}

Shadowy Figure: (Freakishly scary voice) You won't.

Everyone Else: (hair stands on ends)

Ivan: (scared) Who's there???!!

Shadowy Figure: (steps out of the shadows to reveal a townsperson) I just HAPPEN to be a very crucial part of this game.  I am a member of the town of Bilibin.

Sheba: Ok, that's wonderful, but why have you tied us up here?

Townsperson:  (getting angry) BECAUSE, little girl, what you don't know is that the game producers created me for a specific purpose….. one that you very casually overlooked!

Ivan:  So what do you want US to do?

Townsperson:  Well, my dear Felix, there is a line; a single line that I was born to memorize….. a very IMPORTANT message that I was supposed to deliver…..

Felix: (Whispering to Ivan)  Oh no….. this is one of those non-player random townspeople that only say one line over and-

Townsperson: (losing control)  SHUT UP, INSOLENT CHILD!! NEED I REMIND YOU WHO IS TIED AND BLINDFOLDED HERE????!!!

Felix: Hey, buster!  I may be small, but I am NOT a child….. I…..

Sheba: Uhh….. yeah you are, Felix.

Isaac: (Whispering to Felix) I think this guy has a delicate psyche….. perhaps we should try being nice…..

Felix: (nods)

Townsperson:  WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT??!! DO NOT IGNORE ME AGAIN!!! (gets on his knees)  I….. I….. was so enthused….. to deliver my message to you….. I….. I wanted it to be perfect…..

Navi: Wow….. This guy is off his rocker…..

Townsperson: (ignoring them)  and….. I memorized the quote….. and stood near the entrance to the town….. so I'd be….. the first one you'd see….. Neither rain nor sleet nor snow kept me away…..

Sheba: What's he talking about?? The weather is ALWAYS perfect in Bilibin

Ivan: (elbows her)

Sheba: OW!

Townsperson: (realizing they're not really listening) …..and YOU NEVER CAME!!! YOU WALKED RIGHT BY!!! YOU DIDN'T LISTEN THEN AND YOU'RE NOT LISTENING NOW!!!! ….. (starts breathing heavily)

Isaac: (nervously) He's not holding any sharp implements, is he?

Townsperson:  Ah, my friends, but now you will pay….. (insane laughter) tee hee!  Tee-hee hee hee! (Runs to the lights and dims them down to an eerie green light)  Ooh hoo!  I'll have my revenge now, hee hee!

Ivan: Sheba…..  Sheba, I'm scared…..

Townsperson:  SILENCE!!! You will listen to my line, and you will hear it OVER and OVER again for the rest of TIME!!!!!! MWA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!

TEEEEEE-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OOH HA! *Snorkle* HEE HEE!!!!

(A/N: okay, I admit it….. I had too much fun with the laugh….. ahem*)

All:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Townsperson: (calming down now, but still wacko-crazy-mental-institution-worthy, runs around and removes everyone's blind-folds)  

Everyone: AHH!

Townsperson:  Oh shut up!  I'm not ugly! …..Well, not THAT ugly, Ahem!  (pauses and assumes WAAAYY scary ultra-friendly face) Welcome to Bilibin! Please, just ignore that strange tree out front!

Ivan: The horror…..

Townsperson: (smile fades, over-perky voice gets an edge) _Welcome to Bilibin! Please, just ignore that strange tree out front!_

Isaac:  Guys! We've got to find a way out of this!

Townsperson:  HA HA! HEE HEE! (shouting now) WELCOME TO **_BILIBIN!_** PLEASE, JUST IGNORE THAT STRANGE **_TREE_** OUT FRONT!  MWAHAHAHA!!!!

Felix:  Pianobuggy, how could you be so cruel?!!! Can anyone MORE diabolic think of a more evil fate for us?!!

PDV:  Ha ha, don't challenge me, Felix.

Townsperson 2: (entering from behind the boxes)  Yo, George!  Whazzup, buddy?

Townsperson: (pointing significantly at our tied-up heroes while getting very giddy)  WELCOME to BILIBIN! Please, just IGNORE that strange TREE out front!!!

Townsperson 2: (Enthused face) OOH!!! These are those rotten player-characters, aren't they?!

Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Sheba, and Navi: (wince)

Townsperson 2: (changing the lights to blue) When spring comes, I want to see that angelic Mia… err SHEBA… again!!!

Sheba: NOOO!!!!

Townsperson 3: (Walks in and changes the lights to red) heehee! Any travelers heading east are stuck here until the road opens up.  Until then, I'm gonna make lots of money!

Townsperson 1: (changes lights to green)  Welcome to Bilibin! Please, just ignore that strange tree out front!

Mayor of Vault: (Changes lights to purple) Hey! That tickles….. Being tickled by a boy isn't so fun. (A/N: I'm serious….. this is really in GS….. Mind-read the mayor in Vault, you'll see)

{More townspeople start to enter, and form a dance circle around the tied-up GS crew.  Cries of "Welcome to Bilibin" "travelers heading east" "Remember me? I was that tree!" and other random lines muddle together as the lights frantically change colors.  The random NP character do a tribal dance, and then start discoing.  All the GS crew and Navi glare at Felix, who hopelessly turns to the sky.}

Felix:  Wait, guys! We have one last hope!  Oh great and powerful Razamataz the wise and yadda yadda!  Please sick your djinn on Pianobuggy for us and save us from this demented and rhythmically annoying fate!!!!!!

All: AMEN!!!

Random very religious NP character: (smacks each in the face in turn)

Razamataz's Voice: Could have done a bit better with the title, but Razamataz has heard thy plea, and will thus take it upon herself to cast her wrath upon Pianobuggy!!! Cuz I luv u Felix!!!!!!

Felix: (blushing)

{Suddenly Ivan, Isaac, Felix, Sheba and Navi disappear from their bounds and reappear right in front of Mogall forest.}

Ivan: That….. Was….. INSANE!!!!

Felix:  But I gotcha out, didn't I?

Sheba: Yet it wouldn't have gotten nearly as bad if you had resorted to Raz earlier.

Felix: (shrugs) Well, I…..

Isaac: Oh, it doesn't matter!  Let's just get through this crappy forest!

{In the forest}

Sheba:  So, uh….. which way do we go, Isaac?

Isaac: Uh….. (closes his eyes and spins around, pointing.  Everyone ducks, except Felix of course ^_^, and Isaac stops and opens his eyes) THAT WAY (heads off in the random direction)

Sheba: ISAAC!!! C'MON! You don't know where you're going!

Isaac: uh… YEAH I DO!!

Sheba: OH PLEASE!!! Guys refuse to ask for directions, I know, but they don't have to be so OBVIOUS that they don't have a CLUE what they're doing!

Felix:  Isaac knows where he's going….. His Venus vibes tell him the way. (goes after Isaac)

Ivan: (agreeing as if Felix's argument made ANY sense whatsoever)YEAH. (follows after Felix)

Sheba: o_O…..

Navi:  Apparantly we women are the only ones with a modicum of intelligence, Sheba.

Sheba: Isaac doesn't even HAVE Venus vibes anymore…..

Navi: Nayru, help us…..

{Sheba and Navi follow after the guys, and, of course, a we ALL know what happens if you try to get through the Mogall forest without the orb of force, they get hopelessly lost}

Sheba:  Way to GO, brainiac!  Now we don't even know how to get BACK to where we STARTED!!!

Isaac: (trying to sort out the forest puzzle by drawing a map in the ground) Well, we don't WANT to go back to where we started, Sheba….. Unless you LIKE disco music????

Sheba: (shudders)

Navi:  I think we should go and get that orb of force like the note said.

Isaac: Oh, please!  What good will THAT do us??? What're we going to do?  PUSH our way through this stupid thing? No.  What this puzzle needs is a brain…..

Ivan: (coughs to stifle a giggle)

Isaac:  Okay, I think I got it….. This way!!!

{At the entrance to Mogall forest}

Isaac:  No one….. say….. anything…..

Navi: (smiling slyly) To the waterfall?

Isaac: FWAP!!!*

{In the waterfall}

Felix: (poking at the log at the entrance warily) Uhh….. so what do we do now?

Navi: (In a little fairy sling….. not to be confused with the fairy slingshot ^_^) Well, since I'm obviously the one with common sense here, I think we should roll across on that log.

Isaac:  Okay, 1) We don't even know if this idea is going to work, and 2) I think, since this all was YOUR brilliant idea, YOU should go get the orb of force.

Ivan: Well, _someone_ is bitter…..

Sheba: (smacks Ivan on the back of the head) YOU FOLLOWED HIM!!!

Ivan: (smiles, rubbing the back of his head)  You only say that because you love me…..

Sheba: (Smacks him again)  THAT MAKES NO SENSE!!!

Ivan: oww….. Girls….. So grumpy…..

Isaac:  Well, I guess we should (throws arms up in mock revelation) roll across the freezing water on the log, _all together, _in a single file!

Navi: (shrugs) Yeah…. It _is _a game, after all.

{In the really dark room}

Isaac: (sarcastically) Well, THIS was a success!  I can see the orb of force right now!  In fact, it's right here! (walks right into the wall)  ow….

Navi:  Well EXCUSE ME Mr. Polite, but maybe we should explore the rest of the cave before we go blaming me, EH??           

PDV: Are we arguing, people???

Everyone: NO!!!

PDV: (satisfied tone) that's what I thought.

{In the spiky room}

Felix:  Well SOMEONE was in a foul mood when they made this room…..

Ivan:  Weeeiird…..  (perks up) Hey Isaac?! You think we can get all those random NPCs in here???

{Author's getting lazy…. Dragon's lit up, and we're @ the bridge)

Sheba:  There is NO WAY I'm walking on thin air…..

Ivan:  (adopting baby-voice) Wazza matter wittle Sheba?  Not so wittle are we???        

Sheba: (flaring up) IS THAT A COMMENT ABOUT MY WEIGHT????!!!!!!

Ivan: o_o err… no (C'mon!  He's not STUPID)

Isaac: **_I_** think this is the part where NAVI gets the orb of force, RIGHT Navi???

Navi: uggh….. FINE.

{Navi flies over the "bridge" and into the room with the orb of force and brings it back [A/N:  WHAT???? She can lift my duffle, she CAN lift the orb of force]}

Isaac: Good….. NOW we can go into the forest!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Navi:  Well THAT took forever!!!

Pianobuggy:  Yeah, well, writer's block is a CONSEQUENCE of a lack of reviews….. SO R&R!!!!

Next chapter~ Mogall forest!!!

Ooh- notes:

Pureauthor – Muchas Gracias for the review… I made sure to update right away after you sent it ^_^

Saraby:  Aww….. YOU'RE not part of the covert operation….. the ath department is left out ^_~

THANKS TO RAZAMATAZ FOR LETTING ME USE HER AS A CAMEO AGAIN!!!!

(And no… just because my sister is Ra does NOT mean we support Michael Jackson in any way)

R&R!!!!


	14. Monkey See, Monkey Fly!

Pianobuggy:  Hey everyone! You've all returned!  As a special treat for reviewing so quick, I've made sure to make an immediate update for you!

Navi: (with arms crossed) Because it didn't take you long enough the _last_ time you updated!

Pianobuggy: (blushing)  Hey! Since when have you decided to act like a real muse?

Navi:  I **am **a real muse! But if you want me to act like the **average** muse, then I'll go get my chain saw right now!

Pianobuggy: o_O Uh….. Here's the chapter everybody! Read and Review!

(Ooh….. By the way….. Raz taught me how to use the **bold** and _italics_…..tee hee hee….. I've **been _having fun!!!!_**)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Chapter 14

"Monkey See, Monkey Fly"

{at the entrance to Mogall forest, Isaac is carrying the orb of force.  In the middle of the clearing is a cute little monkey}

Sheba: AWWWWWWWW!!!!!! (runs over to monkey to pet it)  Isn't it **adorable**????!!!

Ivan:  (warily) Uh….. yeaaahhh, Sheba…. (winces) _adorable_.

Sheba:  What?  You don't like the cute little monkey? (holds it out in front of Ivan's face)

Ivan: AAUGGH!!! (runs to hide behind Felix…. Which doesn't really work) Get that thing away from me!!

Sheba: (cuddles the monkey)  What??? I think he's cute…..

Ivan: Sheba, you imbecile!!!  I'm allergic to monkeys!!!

Sheba: (cocks eyebrow)  What AREN'T you allergic to, Ivan???

Isaac:  (aughing mischievously) Oh, he's not _allergic_, Sheba….. tee hee hee.  (Ruffles Ivan's hair) He just doesn't like them because he knows that his REAL relatives **_are_** monkeys!

Ivan: Shut up, Isaac!!

Sheba: (Punches Isaac)

Isaac: x_x

Ivan: o_O…..

Sheba: (not listening…. kicking Isaac)  That was NOT funny!  You can't make jokes about Ivan's family when he's never even seen them!!! You insensitive jerk!!! (still kicking Isaac)  THIS MAY BE A COMEDY BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU A RIGHT TO BE MEAN!!!!

{The following scene is made special for Jupiter Sprite}

Ivan: o_O….. Sheba?

Isaac: X_X …..HELLO?!! DEAD ALREADY!!! YOU CAN STOP KICKING ME NOW….. X_X

Sheba: (satisfied with beating up Isaac) What, Ivan?

Ivan: I don't get it Sheba….. What's been up with you lately? One minute you hate me and being sarcastic, and the next, you're beating up Isaac for me….. Why have you been acting so strange?

Sheba: (twiddling fingers) Well….. uh….. I couldn't help but stick up for you….. I know Isaac told me that being mean to you was the only way you'd understand how I feel about you, but…..

Ivan: o_O*!!!! He told you **_WHAT????!!!_**

Isaac: x_x (thinking…. I know, he's dead, but he's still thinking…. Don't ask me why) uh oh…..

Sheba:  He…. He… he said that you were all backwards and that if I was mean to you, then you would like me…. (looks at ground very pathetically)

Ivan: (touched) Oh, Sheba….. (goes and gives her a little hug)  You don't have to act differently for me….. Isaac was telling you mean lies to torture me….. I want you to be yourself, ok?

Sheba: *sniffles and a few tears* _really_??

Ivan: (pulling out of the hug) really.

Sheba: @_@… ^_^…

Ivan: ^_^???

Sheba: (kisses Ivan on cheek)

Felix: o_o(awkward….) 

Ivan: =O.O= (red everywhere)

Sheba: ^_^

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Pianobuggy: Well, how was _THAT_???

Navi:  Well this should be interesting…..

Pianbuggy: All for you, Jupiter Sprite….. hope you enjoyed ^_^.

Navi: Hey Pianobuggy?

Pianobuggy: Yeah, Navi?

Navi: Isaac's in big doo-doo, isn't he?

Pianobuggy: Yes he is, Navi….. Yes he is…..

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sheba: So, Ivan, Isaac lied to me?

Ivan: =O.O=

Sheba: -_-* uh….. Ivan?

Ivan: o_O! (starts) Uh….. What?! What's going on?! Where am I?!

Sheba: -_-* Oh, Ivan…..

Felix: tee hee hee

Sheba: (glares at Felix)  So, Ivan, Isaac really did lie to me?

Ivan: What? Isaac, who?? Oh….. yeah…. Isaac…. Right….. Yeah he did.

Sheba: Ooh…. That makes me so MAD!!

{Sheba and Ivan both look in Isaac's direction angrily}

Isaac: (waking up) Ow… My head…. Oh, Hey guys!  What's up?

{Sheba and Ivan glance significantly, nod, and turn to Isaac}

Isaac: o_O…. Uh… guys?

{loud noises}

Isaac: x_x (again….)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

{Much later}

Navi: Well, guys, he's still not awake. You really took him on good.

Isaac: x_x

Ivan, Felix, Monkey, and Sheba: (having picnic)

Sheba: So _why_ don't you like my monkey, Ivan?

Ivan: =o.o=Actually, I kinda had a bad experience with a monkey once…..

Felix: Care to share?

Ivan: Well, not particularly…..

Sheba: Aww.. C'mon, Ivan!  It can't be _that _bad!

Ivan:  Welllll….. Okay…..  A while ago, I was vacationing in Tokyo, and one night, I looked out my window, and there was this GIGANTIC (spreads arms all the way out to show how big) lizard, A little talking chihuahua with a cardboard box and a taco bell case, and a monkey that was as big as a building!!

Felix: Aww….. you're making this up.

Ivan: (blushes) am not.

Felix:  (folds arms) And I suppose there was a talking _gecko_ there too…..

Ivan: actually….. now that you mention it…..

Sheba: So what happened?

Ivan: (wide-eyed with enthusiasm) Well, the little dog and the lizard started fighting with light-sabers, but nobody was watching that because the giant monkey was climbing up my apartment building!

Sheba: o.o and _then_ what???

Felix: (rolling eyes) oh please.

Sheba: (hits Felix)

Felix: ow….

Ivan: Well, then the monkey climbs up my building, reaches into my window, grabs me, and then keeps climbing up the building!

Felix: Sure you weren't dreaming this, Ivan?

Sheba: (raises arm threateningly)

Felix: nevermind

Ivan: So then we were on top of the radio tower, and the monkey was still holding me and swatting at news and army helicopters and stuff!

Felix: o_O….. Wait… Ivan….. You aren't talking about King Kong are you?   

Ivan: I dunno…. They called it kokuoo kong…. So maybe….. (A/N: Raz speaks Japanese ^_^ kokuoo means "king"- or at least we think that's how it would be spelled in the alphabet….. correct us if we're wrong)

Felix: Wait….. Didn't King Kong grab a _girl _in the movie??

Ivan: No one knows that for sure!!! You can make a mistake from far away!

Sheba: (giggling)

Ivan: =o_o=

Sheba: (falls over backwards laughing.  Finally the giggles subside and she opens her eyes and looks up)  Look!  What's _that_?!!

{Ivan and Felix follow her gaze into the sky to see a little black figure flying on a stick.  She's leaving a trail of white smoke behind her that says "Surrender Dorothy"}

Felix: What the heck?!! Who's Dor-ah-thy?!

Wicked Witch of the West (WWoW): (looking down) Curses!!! This isn't Emerald City!!! And after I used up all of my semi-permanent sky-writing potion, too! I must have taken a wrong turn!

Ivan: Who _is _that?!

Sheba: I dunno, but she's polluting our sky!!! ~Douse~

WWoW: Curses!!!! I'm _MELTING_!!!! They'll all pay for this!!!  FLY MY MONKEYS, FLY!!!!!!!! (disappears)

{Flying monkeys from the wizard of Oz spread out throughout logs in the forest}

Ivan: O.O _mo- mo- MONKEYS!!!_

Sheba: (pats Ivan on shoulder) It's okay, Ivan….. I'll be here for you. ^_^

Ivan: =^_^=

Isaac: (muttering in sleep) no, Mia….. Mom said I can't _have _a puppy until I'm 18…..

Felix: (giggles)

Sheba: (kicks Isaac) C'mon, monkey-brain….. wake up so we can get out of here!

Isaac: (popping to attention) Okay!

Sheba: (thinking hard) Okay, so we're supposed to flesh out the monkeys so we know our way through the forest.

Ivan: (nervous, tugging on Sheba's sleeve) NO, Sheba….. The monkeys in the Wizard of Oz led them all to the **WITCH'S CASTLE**….. We can't trust them!!!!

Sheba: (removing Ivan's hand) Oh PLEASE, Ivan….. We'll be FINE.

Isaac: Ivan's right, Sheba….. I'm not going to ask directions from a MONKEY! **_I_** know the way!

Sheba: (rolls eyes) We went through this LAST TIME, Isaac!  You DON'T know the way, and you're only saying that because it's impossible for a _guy_ to ask for directions!

Isaac: (Not listening) It's THIS way! (runs off)

Sheba: (calling after) We went that way LAST time, Isaac!!  (sees he's not coming back and throws up arms in frustration) AARRGH!!! (follows)

Ivan: (muttering) I thought **_I_** was the leader! (follows)

Navi and Felix: (shrug and follow)

{several hours later, they are once again desperately lost}

Sheba: C'MON, Isaac!  You are SO desperately lost!  PLEASE!!! I'M BEGGING YOU TO USE THE ORB!!!

Isaac: But it doesn't make sense!!! Look!!! (walks forward only to instantaneously end up on the other side of the clearing behind them)  The laws of physics dictate that this is impossible!!!! (gets on knees and grabs his head with both hands in anguish)  IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!! MY WORLD IS TURNED UPSIDE-DOWN!!!

Sheba: (grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him)  ISAAC!!!! THIS….. IS….. THE….. GAME….. WORLD!!!!!! THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS **_PHYSICS!!!!!!_**

Ivan: Actually….. If you get the right fold in the space-time continuum that is somehow infinitely repeated over and over and you happen to step on a single pinpoint, it IS possible to warp from one place to-

Felix: Ivan?

Ivan: (sighs) Shut up, right?

Felix: You got it.

Isaac: (crying as Navi pats him on the shoulder)

Sheba: -_-* Oh, for cryin' out loud! Give me this!!! (grabs orb of force) ~Force~

{The wiz. Of Oz monkey pops out and heads off in the other direction}

Sheba: (cheerily that she finally got her way) 'kay guys! This way! ^_^ (heads off, whistling)

Isaac: (calling after) But that's the way we CAME from!!! We'll just be going BACKWARDS!!!!

{Everyone follows Sheba to find that the way she went got them to the final panel}

Isaac: o_O (jaw drops) I…… I….. Don't…… Believe it……

Sheba: ^_^

Isaac: (points hysterically) THAT'S……… THAT'S THE EXIT!!!!!

Felix: (reaches up to pat Ivan on the shoulder) It's okay….. Calm down, buddy…..

{They all walk toward the exit, when they hear a loud noise from behind them}

Sheba: (turning around) uh….. oh…….. (glances nervously at Ivan)

Ivan: O_O

{Coming out of the giant log is the gigantic hoard of the flying monkeys}

Navi: Well, _this_ is unexpected.

{The monkeys swoop down on everyone, and their psynergy attacks are ineffective.  The monkeys pick them up and carry them to the horizon}

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

{Vale….. The top of Mount Aleph, Ivan, Isaac, Felix, and Sheba are dropped off by the Flying Monkeys}

Ivan: (shading eyes) Where are we??

Isaac: Oh no….. We're on Mount Aleph!!!!

Sheba: @_@ And there's NO hope of a balloon ride in Weyard!!!

Felix: NO!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONNNGGG IT TOOK US TO GET THERE?!!! I'LL BE SHORT FOREVER!!!! (cries)

Sheba: (crosses arms, stares at Felix)  How many of us think that this is Raz's doing?

All: **_I!_**

Raz (i.e. WWoW)'s voice:  HAHAHAHA!!! My Felix will ALWAYSS be a midget like ME!!!!

Ivan: (sits down) _Now_ what'll we do?

Felix: I'll NEVER get to be tall again!!!!

Pianobuggy: (appears in a big pink dress with a silver star-wand and Tiara) Oh, Felix….. You had what you needed to get tall all along!! (sarcastically) Oh, and by the way Sheba….. THANKS for melting my sister….. Do you know how much it's going to COST to get her de-melted??

Sheba: De-melted??? o_o????

Pianobuggy:  Anyway, I am Pianobuggy- Good witch of the North, and I say, Felix, you've had the key to getting to Xian all the time!

Navi: (fiddling w/ Pianobuggy's dress) WOAH….. WHO'S the fairy here?!

Pianobuggy: Shut up, Navi….. I'm going to kill myself for doing this….. Do you have ANY idea how weird it is being a pink bubble??

Navi: I'm a blue bubble….. Well, not the kind you kill that look NOTHING like bubbles….. But I AM a blue bubble.

Felix:  Yeah, that's wonderful, Navi….. Now, Pianobuggy….. How do I get to be tall again?!!  Do I click my heels or something???

Pianobuggy: Nah, you need ruby slippers for that…..

Felix: (jaw drops) How am I going to get THOSE??!!! Do you know how EXPENSIVE rubies are?!!!!!

Pianobuggy: Now, keep your pants on, Felix….. I didn't say you need them…. Actually, all you need to do is, well….. Raz is having a bit of trouble with those NPCs, now that she kinda took away her prey….. So if you promise, after this chapter is over, to go deal them some of your firepower and quietly get rid of them for us, we'll be much obliged.

Felix: We have to do THAT?! I'd rather have to get the ruby slippers!!!

Pianobuggy: PLEASE, Felix???

Felix: Well, ok….. If it means I can be tall again.

Pianobuggy: When you finish, but it'll go a lot faster if I warp you to Xian.

Felix: (sniffle) Okaaayy…..

Pianobuggy: (does a little baton-twirl dance w/ the wand and POOF, everyone's in Xian)

Felix: Thanks Pianobuggy.

Pianobuggy: No prob, but remember your promise…. Between the chapters…..

Felix: (dismissively) yeah, yeah, whatever.

Pianobuggy: Good.  Bye everybody! (becomes bubble and disappears)

Navi: That was the worst get-up I've ever seen.

Isaac: Alright, everyone….. Let's go, but I think we can all agree…..

Everyone else: (sing-songy with right hands up in a pledge-stance) We will talk to EVERYONE.

Ivan: Amen.

Sheba: (rolls eyes)

{They all go into Xian}

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Pianobuggy: (NOT in the goofy dress) So, whatcha think? Was that quick enough? ^_~.

Notes:

Jupiter Sprite – Good idea about Ivan finding out about Isaac….. I planned on doing that eventually, but then I forgot -_-*…..  Anyway, you get a cookie for reminding me ^_^.  This chapter is dedicated to you.

Wolfy – Fast enough? ^_^.  I updated quick just for you ^_~.  Thanks for the reviews.

Saraby – So, GO PLAY THE GAME! ^_~  Not the first one I'd get you hooked on.  And, by the way, I'm too lazy to change that typo, so deal with it ^_^.

Raz – I'll get you de-melted soon, I promise ^_^.

Luv y'all! Don't forget to R&R cuz it gets you more chapters!!!

And, by the way, Chapter 3 on my fictionpress is also up! (I've just been a busy girl this week ^_^)


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